Hope,
You have touched my heart. You shout your pregnancies from the roof tops. They are yours.
I almost feel like I can't grieve around some people. This has been going on now for 18 months... was said to me. Yep, but it was actually going on for ME!

I am going to write a book I think, I would love to help others to navigate their way through this and come out the other side holding a baby. That is what I would like to do.

Something amazing just happened to me...
I picked up my little boy from school. As we were driving along he was really quiet, obviously concentrating. At that second the "Live" song came on... Some of you may know it... Every time I have had a live baby I have played that song or heard it when I was in labour EVERY TIMe... I am not much of a singer so lucky there is no sound in here but the words go like this:

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes
The confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes
The confusion that was hers
Belongs now, to the baby down the hall

Oh now feel it comin back again
Like a rollin thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
This moment shes been waiting for
The angel opens her eyes
Pale blue colored iris, presents the circle
And puts the glory out to hide, hide

For me that song is about birth and death and how close together they are. How life is a circle. Oh I feel it comin back again, reminds me of the contractions of labour... For me this is a giving birth song. The beginning of life.

Just at the very second that song begun Finn said to me Mummy do you know any Korean words. I said No I don't think I do. Do you? He said yep Egi. I said WHAT? Eggy is how I shortened Eggbert, but only to my husband my children had NEVER heard it. They didn't know we had named the baby. He said "do you know what that word means?" I said no what? He said: "baby". I asked him why he told me that. He said. mmm I just don't know... I almost had to stop the car. I know that it is going to be okay after that.. I just know.

You believe too HOpe and Willow. We all have to keep the belief happening...

We will have those babies.