How long do you sign their name for?

[Arimeh]

I know this is a sensitive subject and I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has suffered a late loss.

My sister gave birth to a beautiful girl angel in March 2007. She then went on to have a healthy, beautiful baby girl in March 2008.

She still signs all cards and letters etc from her angel, as well as her other kids.

DH doesnt' think this is normal - he thinks it is weird. I don't really have any opinion on whether it is weird or not - obviously she feels its something she needs to do - but I am wondering if other ladies still sign from their angel children, or its something that goes in time.

I'm just curious I guess, as to whether its not normal, and if I should suggest further counselling or something? i dont' really want to broach the subject with her though, as I get quite upset talking about my niece to anyone.

I guess I'm wanting to show my DH that it is normal to do this.

Thanks for any replies, much appreciated

[diannescruffy]

Hi,
Personally I've never signed my angel babies name but yesterday my DD7 was writing a Christmas card and she signed in her angel brothers name and I thought it was so so sweet. I think it's just a recognition of your sisters angel baby.

Regards,
Dianne

[Arimeh]

Thanks Dianne.

That was a very beautiful gesture from your daughter. You must be very proud to have raised such a sensitive, thoughtful girl.

Thank you for answering

[widdly]

My cousin and his wife lost their second baby girl at 26 weeks, Millie Violet. For at least a few years afterwards they would sign their cards with all their names plus "Millie in the Moon". I thought it was a really sweet way to remember their precious girl born too early, but i must admit that was the first time I'd ever encountered this. Im not sure if they still do it, but they lost Millie about 5 years ago now.

[Arimeh]

Oohhh thats such a lovely expression!!!! I love it...

I was thinking of giving my sister a card at xmas (since Phoebe isn't here to help celebrate it) just wishing "Phoebe dancing in the sunlight" a merry xmas or something..

I dunno.. its hard.. I don't want to upset her but I want to acknowledge her.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I've never come across it Mel, but I would think that if she's signing for her angel, then it wouldn't be upsetting for someone else to acknowledge her as well - if it were me I would find it incredibly sweet, and give that person a rib squishing hug and a thank you next time I saw them!

Perhaps she's still signing because she doesn't want OTHERS to forget - and therefore by you acknowledging her angel, she might feel more comfortable to let her go, as she knows she won't be forgotten.

[Lisa]

I personally don't sign Noah's name on cards etc but I do know that a lot of other women do sign their angel's names.

[maz]

one of my closest GF's sign's her son's name....He was born on mothers day in 2001 at 36 weeks SB.

i cry every time I read a card with his name in it....its very emotional for us...I just found out I was pg with WIlhelm when it happened and I love this woman like a sister

I personally think if it helps the person move on then do it. Its a very emotional for any woman...especially when they have not been able to see that child grow into their personality and adulthood. I think its an absolutey beautiful gesture on your behalf to put Phoebe's name in the card...we dont forget older relatives that have passed..why should we forget a baby.

your beautiful darl...truely beautiful

[widdly]

mel i think "Phoebe dancing in the sunlight" is a wonderful idea, im sure it will stir emotions, but i think they will be so grateful to know that your keep Phoebe in your heart still

[paradise lost]

I've not come across it in the situation of a loss before or at birth, but i know a family who lost a son when he was 2 (he drowned in the garden pond) who still sign his name now (he'd be 24 this year) sometimes - we either get a big list of names (they're a HUGE family, 9 kids) with his in there, or "from all of us". Another family friend lost 2 of her 3 kids to cancer in 1984 (aged 6) and 1993 (aged 8) and she signed the name of her late eldest child up until the youngest died and then stopped.

I think it's a really individual and personal thing, but if she continues to sign her angels name, she'd probably welcome recognition of her little girl's existence from another person. I think it's a really sweet idea anyway.

Bx

[Arimeh]

Thanks guys.

I sent her a text this morning addressed to her, her DH, A, W, Phoebe and H.

I will give her a card when I see her with a little angel attached (charm).

Merry christmas and lots of love and blessings to all the angels.

[NaeNae]

Arimeh - I trhink that is a lovely way to remember their little angel.

I personally do not sign Nikita's name in anything except for cards to DH.What happened with her still upsets quiet a lot of people and I don't want them to feel sad at a time of year that is so joyous for most. If people are being a bit insenitive I remind them in a subtle way though

[Arimeh]

Thanks Nae

I ended up making her the card, and popped it in with the rest of the presents to my sister and her family.

So hopefully when my mum can get down to see her soon, she will open it. I think I said something along the lines of may your dancing in the sunlight always light up our lives or something like that - it was like 6am when I wrote it. Seemed quite poetic at the time!

I dont' think anyone else in my family acknowledged her on xmas day - but I'm glad I did. She's still my niece after all.

[CJF1982]

Arimeh,

I think what you wrote is very beautiful, thoughtful and a lovely way to acknowledge your angel neice.
I would love to hear what your sister thought of it.

[kitten76]

Acknowledgement of her daughter, not only her loss will make a big difference.The card and charm are a lovely idea. It says so much without saying anything at all, IYKWIM.

Some people didnt know what to say to me and most didnt say anything. Honestly that hurt very much. Then one of my close friends gave me an angel charm which I wear on a chain. She didnt have to say anything to me but she acknowledged our daughters birth and how much she meant to us, and that gesture meant everything.

[Arimeh]

CJF - she told my mum to thank me for it, and sent me a text message also saying thank you, and that it was good that someone else in the family remembered - not just them. So I get the feeling nobody else acknowledged her? I think she was touched though - and she's a pretty hard nut my sister!!

Kitten - thank you I think I will keep on acknowledging Phoebe, even though my DH doesn't understand (maybe its a male thing, and the fact that it didn't happen to his immediate family?)

[Inanna]

I think your card is beautiful Mel - & I am sure it made her cry but also warmed her Spirit. As for your question about your DH thinking it all a bit wierd. Not at all imo.

Sadly having had a lot to do with women who have lost babies before birth - it's not uncommon to recognise that child's position in the family by signing their name.

Sometimes a name is the only thing left - & using that name out loud and by writing it - brings that person/child back into the now.

Your sister may always do this - or in time she may let it go. That does not mean she does or does not need more counselling - it just illustrates the different ways that we grieve/remember.

I actually think it shows courage and depth - that regardless of how she will be thought of she stands up and does what she needs to do.

I am sure Phoebe was dancing in the Sunlight - and that her beauty will always remain a special part of your family...

[Michelle71]

I have used a butterfly stamp in pink ink and stamped the inside if the card and written ~CLM~ underneath it. It means something to me, it acknowledges my child but is not too "in your face" for those who may not cope so well.

DH and I always include her in our cards to each other and my Christmas gift from DH was a necklace that included her as well.