Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #1

[Miss.September]

tellytubby I hate it. I keep telling myself that pregnancy is supposed to be special, but all I could do was worry, and that made me worry for being worried! LOL. We hired a doppler for DD's pregnancy and it really helped saved my sanity each time I started spotting. There was one day it happened at work and I called DH - he left work and went home to pick up the doppler and brought it to me. I lay in the backseat of the car just to make sure everything was still okay. It was horrible. You've echoed many of my feelings and thoughts and I'm so sorry you're feeling it too. Nobody in my family has been through this and it meant that after the first m/c, nobody really knew how to act around me which drove me bananas. So this time around we didn't really say anything straight away, but that doesn't feel fair either. Vicious circle.

I guess I fell into this false sense of security that it wouldn't happen again. I did have one baby. DH is being really supportive because I keep blaming myself. He says that it could be him that's causing it, but I doubt that because I have spotting throughout. I have fibroids too, so I know that they could be causing the spotting. I know the facts, but I just want it all to go away so I can enjoy what will be our last pregnancy. We're both living in a land of limbo, waiting to fall pg, waiting to move house, waiting for our plans to happen. Right now, we're both just going through the motions (with a few highlights here and there!), just waiting for something to happen. Gah!

AF is here atm and it's a "normal" one at last. I m/c naturally in April and didn't expect things to take so long to get back to normal. First m/c was a d&c and I felt on top of things a lot faster then. Good luck with your TTC, hun.

Thanks for the hugs, Audax.

[Freya]

Pac - I totally understand where you are coming from. I think the whole uncertainty of TTC after miscarriage really takes it out of you. My journey went from not being able to conceive, to conceiving the miscarrying, to conceiving then miscarrying twin A but going on to have a healthy baby. Then conceiving easily but miscarrying again, then clomid for another healthy baby. Then SURPRISE, a healthy baby from not even trying. Then two miscarriages. So Ive kind of gone down then up then down again. I keep reminding myself Ive achieved 3 healthy babies before, I can do it again but I have to wonder whats different in the last 12-18mths from before? If anything things are better physically, mentally and lifestyle wise. I gave my body a rest after having 3 kids so close together, Im trying to eat healthy and lose weight............................yet nothing.

We're 4 months off TTC. Dh is overseas atm so December is our start month. Im already noticing issues with my cycle (like spotting mid cycle and really bad cramping right throughout). I said if it became a stressful journey to get pregnant I wouldnt do it and I can just see Im going to have to head off to a fert specialist and find out what the heck is going on before we even start trying. Im betting theyll probably suggest clomid again as I think its a progesterone issue, then on top of that having to do the clexane injections for the whole pregnancy - Im already tired just thinking about it.

Tellytubby, I think of you often, I hope your doing ok considering

[Miss.September]

Freya - that's full on. It's the whole unknown there, I guess. The knowledge that you can have a healthy pregnancy and baby - if it can be done, then why do you have to go through all the other stuff! It's not fair. I get jealous when I hear about people who flourish when pregnant, who just go with it. I hope I can be that person, but I doubt it. I have my fingers crossed that when your DH comes home, everything clicks into place for you.

I'm healthy, bit heavier than I'd like to be, but I think I'm in an okayish range. I don't drink coffee, rarely drink alcohol, am not on any medications. Never have been. Biggest vice is I don't eat enough fruit. But I feel like for some reason my body isn't equipped properly to just hang on and do what it's supposed to do for nine months.

Just one more baby....one more.

[tellytubby]

Freya - wow... yes I agree with Pac, full on I hope your body sorts itself out, and when your husband returns from overseas a beautiful, easy, sticky, surprise awaits you. Ahh that would be just heavenly, woudln't it? That is so sweet, for you to say that you think of me often. I feel like such a neglectful BB member. I've never actively looked in this section of the forum until recently, all of you beautiful women in here who have been doing it so hard, and I haven't cared to even look Yet when I needed you all the most, there you were, supporting me then, and still now. I'm so sorry for my absense, I really do support all of you and hope nothing but the best for you all. Freya, strange question, but were you once known by a different username? I'm just trying to piece my thinking together, Anne??? Excuse me if i''m mistaken x

Pak, my god I hate it to. I have so many friends who announce their pregnancy to the world within ours of a BFP. I just wish I could be so carefree. Its just not fair. And they cruise through their pregnancies, not a stress, not a worry - just a beautiful journey, as it should be. From the very first moment we see a gorgeous second line, we do nothing but stress. And you know what?? I can only imagine how bad that is for our growing human But Pak, please, please do not blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. As much as I hate hearing this myself, it really was just meant to be. Keep your chin up high, you are an amazing woman, you will have another, healthy, beautiful baby, okay? We may even be bellybuddies together

[luna moth]

Nobody in my family has been through this and it meant that after the first m/c, nobody really knew how to act around me which drove me bananas. So this time around we didn't really say anything straight away, but that doesn't feel fair either. Vicious circle.

I know that feeling so well. I remember when my nephew was handed over to me, there were these glances everywhere, like people were worried they'd break me. (mind you nobody thought to not have his 1st birthday party on my EDD ) I feel like nobody, especially in DHs family, understands just how precious this makes our little girl. They call us overprotective. I call them *********s.

As much as it feels like they're not, the odds are actually on your side for every pregnancy. Most pregnancies survive and are OK. I had to tell myself this a thousand times every hour when pregnant with DD, because when you've been on the bad side of the odds, it's so hard to believe that you'll be on the other side.

And it sucks, but I fully expect to have another m/c. That's a crappy place to be, but at the same time I just think I'm being realistic.

[Freya]

Great memory Telly! I was formerly known as A N N A T. But had to do a quick costume change when some family members overstepped boundaries!

Heh, family havent been all that great a support with my miscarriages. The opposite infact but I wont go on about it because I bet all our stories are similar. Not even Dh was really supportive until the last two I had. I think it hit him then, looking at our boys, about what exactly it is we lost, even if it was in those early stages of pregnancy. He's worried now, about what another miscarriage would do to me. Cant say I blame him, I worry about it too. Worry that Im going to push the envelope to far.

That said, for myself, the whole journey led to something beautiful in the form of some amazing lifelong friendships with some beautiful women I met on here way back in the early days of the Parenting after Miscarriage and Loss thread. I think they've been the saving grace, always one step behind me ready to catch me while I fall apart and then put me back together. A small consolation but something that keeps me going, knowing theyll be holding my hand the entire way through the pregnancy and birth.