Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 19 to 36 of 56

Thread: No heartbeat...totally unexpected.

  1. #19

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi Puteko,



    I just wanted to say a big well done on dealing with your friends baby - that would have been incredibly hard. I know that i would not have dealt well with it. Luckily none of my friends have had babies since we lost Katelyn, although they are about too. I am very much in the frame of mind that i have held my baby and i dont want to hold another until it can be mine again. So i admire you to be able to be strong enough to do it. Again a big pat on the back and a hug being sent your way.

    I really liked what you said about a coffee and a chat that is a wonderful way to describe it.

    Sarah

  2. #20
    kirsty Guest

    Default

    Dear Pukeko,
    Congratulations on how you dealt with your friends baby situation, you should be really proud of yourself. I know in my situation my younger brother had a baby boy just a couple of weeks after we lost Alex & my DH & DS went up to visit them when he was about 5wks old. I thought I would be a mess & so did my DH, however I was really good while we were there, but after we left I was a mess. Each day brings so many different experiences to either cope with, learn about, or be amazed by how we deal with them. I found that I learnt a lot about myself & my relationship with family & friends after we lost Alex. Hopefully you are going ok & things are continuing to look up for you.
    Sending :hugs: your way & warm thoughts.

  3. #21
    pukeko Guest

    Default

    Hi again girls

    Having a bit of a crap day...which is a pity as I've been pretty good whilst emersing myself in this site and the support it offers. I thought I'd removed all trace of my pregancy (as far as obb appointment cards, scan slips etc) to take the daily reminders away. Sure enough I'd popped a couple of things in my OUtlook calender at work so what do I arrive to this morning?? A window popping up telling me I would have been 12 weeks today. Arghhh. I'd forgetten to take that reminder note out. SO I guess we would have been telling everyone our news by today :-(

    Becc - thanks for that reassurance that we all struggle with where to stash those feelings day by day. Weird how it does change each morning we wake up. After working out I would have been 12 weeks today...today I'm REALLY missing being pregnant andcan only imagine the excited reations we would have got on this day from friends and extended family.



    Meg - I went back through the forums and read your story. You went through HELL with the thinking you were losing your bubs..then not..then losing again. That on top of the other little ones you lost. My heart goes out to you. After we saw the lack of heartbeat and saw the sonographer run the little heartbeat 'picture' across the screen I could believe her...but in the days leading up to the D&C, I went through this anxiety of what if they made a mistake. Even just beofre I went under th general anaethetic I asked do they double check. And you lived through that hell an hope for real. YOu must have felt DOUBLY ripped off...

    I just called my Ob's rooms to try and see if they can make my follow-up appt sooner than the nomal 6 week follow up. They checked but came back to say Dr Lolatgis has actually mailed my test results from the baby/D&C today so I should get them tomorrow..and then I can just phone him Monday if I have any other questions. So that's good I guess (wont make my rotten AF come any sooner though...grrr!!).. I'll let you know what they say so those of you who have been through this before might have had the same type of result...

    Once again everyone -Kab, Kirsty thanks for your time and replies. You are my sanity here at work!!

    Pukeko

  4. #22

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi Pukeko,

    Sorry that you are having a bad day today. They will come. I usually find that i have a reasonable couple of days and then a real bad day. I think that is totally normal. Two steps forward and one step back IYKWIM.

    I know exactly what you mean about the outlook thing. I did the same thing. I also found it difficult to write in my diary and add dates to spreadsheets after the date that i would be finishing work.

    Go easy on yourself with the results that you are going to get tomorrow. The reason why i say this is because after we lost Katelyn i got a letter from the OB confirming what he had said to us verbally about her being a girl and i wasnt expecting it and it hurt so much. Even though we knew she was a girl it was a shock seeing it on paper.

    I dont mean to make this about me. I am just trying to use my experiences with Katelyn to let you know that you are normal and also to try and help you through this. Maybe it doesnt always come across the way i mean it too.

    Well i am thinking of you and hope that you get what you need tomorrow. Im here if you need me today.

    Love Sarah

  5. #23

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    Hey Pukeko,

    :hugs: Those unexpected reminders can really hit you hard can't they. It can be so painful to think of where you should be right now in the pg. Lots of cyber hugs to you. Let us know how you go with those results tomorrow. Good luck!

  6. #24
    pukeko Guest

    Default

    Hey Angel and KAb

    I just tried to PM your both back to thank you for your replies...I can see you're online!! I keep getting the message 'Sorry, but the administrator has prevented you from sending private messages.'.

    Does this mean I have to join up as a full member or something!?!? If that's the case I will...just let me know if that's the prob. 8-[

    Pity there's not a 'chat' section on this site wheer we can bump into one another online.

    :-)

  7. #25

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hey Pukeko,

    Thanks for that - to be honest i dont know about personal messaging. I think that you have to be a platinum member and i also dont know how you do that.....not much help am i LOL.

    I will be hanging around here for a while if you want to talk just let me know.

    Sarah

  8. #26

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    Hi Pukeko,

    Yep, you do have to be a platinum member to be able to pm (if you have a look on the main site I think there is info on how to do that). I believe there is also a chat room on the main BB page that you don't have to be a full member to use. I've never been able to get it to work tho LOL.

  9. #27

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    Found the platinum membership info link! http://www.bellybelly.biz/baby/platinum.html

  10. #28
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    Hey everyone,

    As Angel just said, private messaging is a facility available only to platinum members. Pukeko - I put in a post for you in the 'introduction' forum a few days ago when you first joined, and I mentioned platinum membership, so you might want to suss that out for all the info! There is also the chat facility on the main site (you need separate membership there) which is open to all members (you don't need platinum membership for that). I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day. Sadly there are many ups and downs following what you've been through, but I'm glad you're finding this site useful and supportive. Like the other girls have said, you should also be very proud of yourself for how you handled the situation with your friend. I'm glad that you allowed yourself to express your feelings and not suppress them. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you matey - it's such a hard road to travel and there seem to be reminders of what you have lost all over the place and it's always the ones that you least expect that hurt the most, like your reminders. I had written all my dates etc in my diary last year and I wish I hadn't because then I had to either leave them there, or go through and white them all out - either way it was going to be hard to see it IYKWIM?

  11. #29
    meg Guest

    Default

    puteko. I will come here and say hello again, because I am having a bad day too and we can be miserable moupy people together, and you're right, I feel really ripped off, most days I am OK, but somedays I wonder what I did in a past life to get this dealt out to DH and I, lots of us really have been through some crap. I too had the same thing happen as you. I joined this site that sent you are weekly update of what stage your baby would be at that week, very bad! Same with dates in the diary. It is almost impossible to avoid. I also have a girl at work who is due 1 week b'/f our little moonbeam would have been, and she is a constant reminder with her now big belly of where I would be at.

    Maybe you should try to get rid of some of those things, but maybe you might want to keep something special to remember your little bub. I know I have kept a few mementos in box for our babies. We planted a little tree for our moonbeam. I know other people on this site have done similar things. You have to work out what is right for you, but I'm sure you will never forget this experience, so maybe some nice memory or way to honour your loss might help, but it might take a little time before you are ready.

    Hope tomorrow is better for both of us!

  12. #30
    pukeko Guest

    Default

    Meg sweetie I'm totally with you. Lets sit here in jarmies, watching crappy flouncy girly videos and drinking hot chocky! I too subscribed to a week by week site..and it took 3 unsubscribe emails to stop them. They came complete with a little 3D picture of a bub at that stage :-(. I bought my little bracelet charm and now would love to get one of the trillion printouts of the scan they took. I'm still reeling from reading your story and how cruel that second chance you got was when it was taken from you again. :hugs:

    Well girls...I DID get my test results in the mail when I got home tonight and will certainly be ringing my Ob for a chat on Monday. The baby (a girl - I DID get a shock when I read that on paper...not quite the "It's a girl" I had in mind ) had a chromosomal abnormality called Turners syndrome. From the quick hour of researching I've just done online tonight that it's the most common of the chromosomal errors where the baby only gets one X not the XX a girl requires. The fault seems to occur in the 23'rd chromosome..the one that makes us a boy or a girl. It's aparently completely spontaneous and can happen to anyone. In other words we've got no more chance of it happening again than any other couple. 10% of miscarriages are caused by it. Aparently is an error from way back when the cells start dividing. Oh..and dont you just love on those rsult sheets your baby being referred to as 'products of conception'? Here was me thinking our baby was a product of our love!!

    While I'm still digesting this info and will now spend forever looking at everything I can find about it, finding what happened has brought me a strange sense of relief. There really WAS nothing I could have done to stop it happening..and even moreso..it wasnt anything I did (I thought I didnt eat enough because os morning sicknoess..or one day startled myself with a small trip-over). Knowing it was a girl has given the bub some more 'identity' too..so I know who I'm mourning.

    Tonight (well this hour anyway) I feel a real positive feeling toward trying again knowing our odds are fairy normal. I also get a sense of relief as little girls who DO survive pregnancy to term are born without ovaries (therefore infertile) amongst other problems like heart and kidney defects, chance of hearing imparement and severe growth stunting etc...and once again it can happen to any conceiving couple.

    Has anyone heard of this..or had an experience with Turners Syndrome?

    :-) Pukeko

  13. #31
    meg Guest

    Default

    sounds great, might go get the hot choccie now. Sounds like the same site we subscribed to, remember the piccies all too well, and it did take me at least 3 weeks to unsubscribe too. I think I can remember even opening the emails, just to punish myself a little more, even though I knew what was in them, so sad!

    I am glad you got your test results back and it is making you feel more confident. It is awesome that they did chromosomal analysis. They didn't even do it after my last one, after I had had mulitple m/cs prior. I was so annoyed to say the least. When my new ob told be they hadn't done it, he said I would of, and I will do it if it happens again, and I really got mad, not at him, but the other doc, how many times does one have to do this I ask! I used to work in disability services a few years ago, and I'm pretty sure two of my clients had turner's syndrome. I didn't realise it was so common though.. One boy had a severe hearing loss, aided hearing was mild loss, and a mild intellectual disability. The other one had a very big head for her body shape and a mild intellectual disability. That is about all I can remember as it was too long ago. I think it is really good for you to know what happen, that it could happen to anyone, and that you have no greater chance than anyone else of having a m/c. You should go into your next preg with a bit more confidence, as much as one can when they have m/ced b/f- I think it makes us all become paranoid stress buckets. Speaking of which, should probably join my DH in bed before my brain rots even more. Take care.

  14. #32

    Default

    Hi Pukeko

    I am glad that they were able to tell you what had gone wrong and that you were having a girl.
    I never found anything out after my d&c annd wish i did now.

    A friend of mine had the same problem and then went on to have to beautiful girls. She tought that is what happened to me.

    Hope you are able to go forward that little bit more.

    :hugs:

  15. #33

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    Hey Pukeko,

    I'm glad that you were able to find out what happened to your little girl and that it was able to reassure you that it wasn't your fault. Yep, the term 'products of conception' is a pretty cold one isn't it. It's one of the ones that really bothers me as well (along with 'viable' grr).

    Let us know how the chat with your OB goes on Monday. Take care.

  16. #34

    Default

    Hi Pukeko,

    I'm glad to hear you got your results back and finally have some answers. While it can't take away the pain of losing your little girl, at least you know what has happened and why. It must be a relief to know that you have the same chance as the next person of having a full term pregnancy next time. Not that I expect that will stop you from stressing every day during the next one though! I hope your OB can reassure you a bit more when you see him.

    Hope you are having a good day. Sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs...

  17. #35

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
    Posts
    210

    Default

    Hi Pukeko,

    How are you doing today?

    Im glad that the test results turned up something for you. Im just so sorry you had to go through this at all. Im glad that you are going to see your OB, i found just to talk about it with a professional helped.

    Like you said you have every chance of having a healthy baby in the very near future.

    I dont really know what to say except that i am thinking of you.

    Love Sarah

  18. #36
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    Hey Pukeko,

    I'm pleased to hear that you got your results in the mail and that you got the answers that you were looking for. It's a tragedy that this has happened to you at all, but I'm pleased to hear that it makes you feel a little more confident to know that you are at no greater risk of this happening again.

    I too dislike the terms 'products of conception' or 'unviable PG' because they're just so clinical and cold! Our little ones are a product of our love as you quite rightly say and it's a little life that we've lost.

    I don't know anything about Turners Syndrome except to say that I have heard of it and that's about it. I hope that you are able to find some more information on it and have a good chat to your OB about it as you have planned for next week. It really helps to have a chat to the professionals and to hear it straight from the horse's mouth!

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •