I'm sorry for your loss. Its sounds like it was a terrible time for you guys, and that things haven't eased up all that much.
I'm a lucky one that does fall pregnant at the drop of a hat it seems, but I have also suffered a loss - a missed misscarriage at 11w. Like you, we had just started telling everyone.
It was a hard time, and in my mind the only thing that would take my pain away was to get pregnant again as quickly as possible. I guess its the whole getting back on the horse thing.
Even now though - 9m down the track and 6m into another pregnancy, I still have pangs of heartbreak, as anyone who has suffered a loss like this will tell you - healing takes time. And this time varies from person to person.
IVF is a pretty tough road to go down - so I think I completely understand you when you say you aren't ready to try that yet. Part of being a parent is being constantly faced with fears about losing a child. Illness, Medical Conditions, Accidents could all take a child from a parent at any time, so what you are feeling - the fear of what if, is part of your journey to be a parent.
Its really hard when people around you are pregnant. They may understand some of what you are feeling, so perhaps an option would be to say to them "I am truly happy for you, but its hard to put that out there when I am having my own issues with losing a baby". I dont know if thats the sort of thing you can say, but maybe it would help.
Again - I am really sorry for your loss. I hope we can offer the support you need.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I understand that friends and family falling pregnant around you is upsetting. I too went through a similar experience. My DH and I had been trying for what seemed to be forever without success until we saw a specialist only to come back with a reason of unexplained. He put us on clomid and we did fall pregnant on our 3rd month with twins. Everything seemed to be going fine. A really good friend of mine was only 3 weeks ahead of me so it was an exciting time until complications started to occur around 22 weeks and I lost our beautiful girls.
Like you we went through a very hard time and when we did start to ttc it seemed to take awhile meanwhile both couples on each side of us fell pregnant which was SO hard. You want to be happy for them but everytime you catch up with an old friend etc they seem to be telling you they are pregnant.
We decided to go down the IVF path and we are now 11 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby. It was first go.
The whole process has made the relationship with DH closer and I think we will definetly be more appreciative parents.
I wish you all the best and hope your dream comes true soon.
Thank you for your comments, support and suggestions, I really appreciate it. I cried all day yesterday and cried myself asleep last night. Today I still feel teary. My husband is really good, we talked last night. It's hard though because it's is brother. Although I'm not saying anything bad or nasty about his family, I feel like a real ***** in regards to the way I'm feeling. Why can't I be happy for them? Luckily for me my sister is a phsycologist and I had a good chat with her. I felt like it was either her or booking in to see someone. She said that it's completely normal to feel like this. So I'm not a ***** after all.
My Mother In Law called last night; didn't pick up the phone (we've got call display so we knew it was her). She left a message and asked for my husband to call her back. I know she's wanting to see how we are and how we are coping. My husband addmitted that at first he was apprehensive about the news but he seems o.k with it now. I just can't be happy for them, not at the moment.
I own and run my own samll business and last year when we lost the baby I threw myself into work. Great for keeping my mind off things and it was even better for business (the business realy florished). Yesterday though, I did nothing. Hid in my house and cried. I have to get off my butt and once again throw myself into work. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of moving interstate but if I could, I'd move in a flash.
I'm not ready to start IVF. This bombshell has stirred up all these emotions and the last thing I need to deal with is another dissapointment of a fail attempt. My husband has tried to lighten things up by saying "how exciting, you'll be an Aunty" but to be honest I couldn't care less if I never meet the new arrival. I know it's not it's fault and it's obviously something internally I have to deal with. The last thing I want though is for family to feel as if they need to tip toe around me and worse of all to think that I'm wollowing in self pitty.
What you are feeling is normal...it's not self-pity, it's just a heart felt reaction to something that is very dear to you...totally understandable...totally real...
Give yourself time...time to be angry, to cry...to do what you need to do...
Give yourself space...space from others, space from making decisions, space from "needing to cope"...some of the best advice I ever heard was "giving yourself some space isn't selfish, it's self preservation"...sometimes you just need to limit contact for a bit...that's okay...
Each day at at time...
I totally understand (my SIL is 8 months pregnant)...and it does get easier, truly...I still have tough times, but I have watched myself and my DH get stronger and deeper over the last 8 months. You will too.
Trust yourself, trust your heart...and look after it.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your much wanted baby.
I have not had any miscarriages myself but tried and failed to fall pregnant for three years before one very lucky IVF cycle gave us our boy. I know a little about those awful feelings that you wish you didn't have.
I too didn't wish ill of others who had children but I just couldn't bear to look at babies and pregnant bellies and I really couldn't handle being king hit emotionally every time someone announced a pregnancy. It's got to be one of the most invisible forms of grief out there but it is no less valid for being so.
Monnie is right - look at your needing space as a bit of self preservation because that is what you need most at the moment.
IVF is never a certain road for sure but it does offer more hope. I wish you all the best for the journey ahead.
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