Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your comments, support and suggestions, I really appreciate it. I cried all day yesterday and cried myself asleep last night. Today I still feel teary. My husband is really good, we talked last night. It's hard though because it's is brother. Although I'm not saying anything bad or nasty about his family, I feel like a real ***** in regards to the way I'm feeling. Why can't I be happy for them? Luckily for me my sister is a phsycologist and I had a good chat with her. I felt like it was either her or booking in to see someone. She said that it's completely normal to feel like this. So I'm not a ***** after all.

My Mother In Law called last night; didn't pick up the phone (we've got call display so we knew it was her). She left a message and asked for my husband to call her back. I know she's wanting to see how we are and how we are coping. My husband addmitted that at first he was apprehensive about the news but he seems o.k with it now. I just can't be happy for them, not at the moment.

I own and run my own samll business and last year when we lost the baby I threw myself into work. Great for keeping my mind off things and it was even better for business (the business realy florished). Yesterday though, I did nothing. Hid in my house and cried. I have to get off my butt and once again throw myself into work. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of moving interstate but if I could, I'd move in a flash.

I'm not ready to start IVF. This bombshell has stirred up all these emotions and the last thing I need to deal with is another dissapointment of a fail attempt. My husband has tried to lighten things up by saying "how exciting, you'll be an Aunty" but to be honest I couldn't care less if I never meet the new arrival. I know it's not it's fault and it's obviously something internally I have to deal with. The last thing I want though is for family to feel as if they need to tip toe around me and worse of all to think that I'm wollowing in self pitty.

One day at a time I suppose....