Ultimate Insensitivity Rant - Lets See Who Can Top This One!

[satya]

That's really awful. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I think sometimes you have to be very specific with mothers about what they can and can't tell. I told my mum that I didn't want anyone to know about any of my pregnancies, m/c's or testing and she stuck to it. I bet she was dying to announce the latest pregnancy in her Xmas letter but she didn't as I'd told her not to tell anyone until we reached 12 weeks. Even now that we are past the "danger" period she's not telling anyone about the losses - just focusing on the future.

I'd suggest you email her, tell her exactly how you feel and then leave the ball in her court. If you don't get an apology I'd be keeping her at a distance and I certainly wouldn't tell her about the next pregnancy until it was well advanced (or your sister in case she told her).

[tempus moriendi]

Oh my gosh, HayleyW--I can't believe you had to go through that! It was your news to share or not. My own MC's all happened before we made the general announcement we were pregnant, and I would not have wanted it spread around except to people I personally wanted to know.

Actually, after my first MC, I told my grandmother--who went and told my mother, who I have a distant relationship with. More than a year later, I happened to talk to Mom on the phone who proceeded to tell me she was upset that she had to hear about it from my grandmother. Since then I've kept pregnancies from both of them until we heard the heartbeat. Which is a good idea because I've had 3 MC's since then and really can't deal with the family drama on top of the heartbreak of obstetric loss.

Good luck.

[HayleyW]

Hi Ladies

Thanks for all your replies. It makes me feel better to know that most think Im not overreacting here and that my emotional outburst was warranted.

Well, just thought I would give you all an update. I still havent heard anything from her, even on Christmas Day.

According to my sister, she is angry at me and thinks I should be the one apologising to her for my outburst on the phone. She doesnt think she has done anything wrong and thinks I am over reacting.

I havent written her a letter, I try but I just end up angry and writing not very nice things and thats not what I want to do. So, I have just decided to give it more time. Hopefully then, she will realise her mistake.

I know in time we will be in contact again, but as a previous poster said, I will now be careful about what I choose to share with her. She just isnt the supportive mother I would like and due to her religious beliefs, cant offer any sympathy as its all "gods plan" or some kind of karma. (An example, a few years ago, I had many abnormal pap smears, one which led to CIN2 which required numerous colposcopys. When I told her she said "Thats Gods punishment for you being so promiscuous when you were younger" )

So, Im better now. Im not as angry but I just dont think I will ever forget and forgive.

[chris]

Hi Hayley
I would also be careful of what you said to your sister as it might be told to your mother by mistake.
I have a prob with my sister (I don't talk to her ) my mum tells her things about me and my family.
There is nothing I can do about it, only be careful what I tell mum.
Cheers chris

[tempus moriendi]

HayleyW: Just wanted to say that I'm really impressed with your attitude, that you haven't totally written them off and that you can see yourself resuming contact with her in the future. It's cool that you don't hold a grudge, even though you're angry.

[~Aveta~]

Hi Ladies

Thanks for all your replies. It makes me feel better to know that most think Im not overreacting here and that my emotional outburst was warranted.

Well, just thought I would give you all an update. I still havent heard anything from her, even on Christmas Day.

According to my sister, she is angry at me and thinks I should be the one apologising to her for my outburst on the phone. She doesnt think she has done anything wrong and thinks I am over reacting.

I havent written her a letter, I try but I just end up angry and writing not very nice things and thats not what I want to do. So, I have just decided to give it more time. Hopefully then, she will realise her mistake.

I know in time we will be in contact again, but as a previous poster said, I will now be careful about what I choose to share with her. She just isnt the supportive mother I would like and due to her religious beliefs, cant offer any sympathy as its all "gods plan" or some kind of karma. (An example, a few years ago, I had many abnormal pap smears, one which led to CIN2 which required numerous colposcopys. When I told her she said "Thats Gods punishment for you being so promiscuous when you were younger" )

So, Im better now. Im not as angry but I just dont think I will ever forget and forgive.

personally i think you have UNDER reacted. keep your chin up, girl. thinking of you.