i agree with Trish hun - it's not about not experiencing motherhood that makes people discount your pain - it is, in most cases, about a lack of understanding of your pain - and the inability to find the right words. as you know, we too went through a lot of pain to get to this point, and have had most of it "discounted" as being less than important because they were early losses, and because i pushed through (work etc) while suffering the pain of the loss. the people in my life didn't (and still dont) understnad the pain beneath the veneer, and, i get the impression, are too scared to mention it in case they stir something up that IS painful for me.

what you have been through is painful in ways that no one but you and your DH can understand - simply because the pain you have suffered is so very personal to your own journey. many of us can grasp that pain, but as each of us has walked a different path, each of us has suffered a different pain that is unique to us and our losses. i would suggest you let as much of the pain (and, at this point, potentially bitterness that is building) out in some way. whether it be with the girls here on BB (a HUGE outlet for so many of us) or your DH, or whether you simply find a journal and outline your feelings for you alone, don't allow yourself to become more bitter about the pain you are feeling

like you, i haven't posted much in the miscarriage and loss forums - i always felt like my "home" was the AC area, and felt like a fraud coming in here and venting about my chemical pregnancies alongside those who had suffered later losses - but i now realise that you can't segregate yourself like that - you are an individual who has many facets and you need to search to find your niche and the support you so desperately deserve as you continue on your travels

thinking of you Dusty

BG