hi Welshgirl,

Ivy and Noah were born at 30 weeks.

Imogen and Madeline (my eldest and first set of twins) were born at 35 weeks. Immy had a pneumothorax from overzealous bagging when she was resuscitated. We were in there for two weeks and at the time, I thought it was the most traumatic thing I had ever gone through.

Lily was born at 37 weeks. She was huge but was breathing up. She was only in the NICU for a few hours but on day five (after being home for two days ) had to go back in for a week on oxygen because she caught bronchiolitis.

William was full term, he was the biggest baby in the level three NICU and also the sickest. That was my lowest point in my experience with the NICU. I hated it, I hated the nurses and doctors, I hated the alarms and the drips and the tubing and wires. You can read my whinge in the 'anyone had a prem' thread if you want (I won't bore you with all the details). I learnt that all NICUs are the same with William, who was transferred to the kids hospital Grace Ward at Westmead on day three.
That is where he died.

I have alot of hangups about that. I guess that is why I hate it so much this time around and why I fight the nurses for every little hold, cuddle, bath, nappy change, opportunity to feed.

Thanks for saying I am strong, most days I don't feel it. I try not to show my emotions in the NICU. They have already sent the social worker around to me twice. I just hold it all in until I get home and then deal with it in private.

No one has said anything about Noah's scan, so I am hoping it's a case of no news is good news. He hasn't displayed any signs of having a bleed (although they can be silent). He just looks like a small baby boy to me.

How is Seren, after her NICU experience and how are you? Do you still feel totally traumatised by the experience? I STILL have flash backs of William's time there, it was so awful. I'm sure I will take a while to get over this time around too. It took me about four years to deal with the first set of twins' birth. After telling myself for years I should just feel lucky, I had a total wig out one weekend (when I was a student midwife and I was witness to my first flat baby). I cried and cried and cried and then when I was done, I felt alot better. In hindsight, it was not very bad at all.