My babies are still in the NICU, having already done five weeks and I can totally relate to all that you are saying.

As a midwife too, I am finding it so hard. I know that I am heading towards PND because I feel like I have to fight tooth and nail to even breast feed my babies. It was the same with all of my babies. They just don't feel like yours and you have to work really hard to feel as though you are doing anything constructive for them. Just when you think that you are getting somewhere it feels as though the midwives/nurses are undermining you whenever they can. I know, as a midwife they are trying to do the bast for the babies but we come as a package deal, if you look after the baby, you should look after the Mum too.