Michelle,
I'm not going to try and say I understand, because I don't. I know what it is to love someone with all your heart and I would be devistated if this link was broken.
I know it will get better because I have seen others go through it - other members of my family and friends that have lost their partners and carried on. It was not easy, but they did it.
I am probably no help at all - all I can say is that I believe that you will get through this and find your new type of normal.
Huge hugs

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