Mildez-the last month was just an annoying cough the 1st 2 weeks were like a cold then from 3 weeks until about 8 weeks into it was the worst and when my rib cracked farkkkk was that bad i couldnt breath it hurt so much i more or less had to pant because deep breaths killed me and when i felt a cough coming i had to hunch over a pillow and hold tight it felt like i got stabbed everytime i coughed it was awful anyone who doesnt immunise are nuts.
I really hope its not whooping cough when my son had pneamonia he was real sick and got a chest infection also so the coughing went on for ages and he was really lethargic to.
I am sad to sell my baby things but i just cant do it again my heart wants to for DH but my mum and dad would be so upset with me and i want to concentrate on buying our house if DH had a you beaut job where i dont have to work maybe i would but i cant see that happening so thats it for me so back to the withdrawal method.
Kit-i know it's easy to say i might have another but then i remember what we went through to have ella the agonising TTC the IVF the testing the waiting the placenta previa and the c section she has certainly made us work hard to bring her into this world our custom made princess i dont want to go through that again when i have 4 kids if she was my 1st then yes i would but i am 99% sure i am done besides my mum really struggled with Abbi's loss and the rough road to bring Ella into the world i dont want to do that to her again she was a mess watching me go through that and the worry she went through it would not be fair to do that to her i love her to much.
AFM-i forgot to mention Ella had an oral plastic surgeons appointment on thursday to have a look at that fluid filled cyst under her tongue well you wouldnt believe it on the wed my girlfriend came arounfd to visit and i was telling her about it and picked ella up to show her but when i looked in her mouth i couldnt find it so i got hubby to look he held her down while i opened her mouth and you could see a little strip of skin where it use to be but it was totally empty all the fluid had drained out so i rang our doctor and he said looks like it has resolved which is exactly what DH did when he was a baby and he had the same thing i cant believe it i saw it there on monday and then ella was making funny clicking noises with her tongue on tuesday thats when it must have burst or deflated what ever but it's gone so she wont need surgery now thank god.
Once again I have left it too long between posts so i wont even try and catch up.
Just quickly, great news ferrals! u must be so glad that she doesnt need surgery, clever little girl for getting rid of it herself
Mildez- im so sorry to hear that ur little girl is still suffering, sounds so awful. I was so annoyed wen i read that the hospital staff didnt take u seriously wen u took her in.. lucky ur not a first time mummy like they suggested and u knew something seriously was wrong.. if it had been me..a 1st time mum.. they wld have made me feel silly and i probly wld have just left with my sick baby and been too scared to go back again! I really hope little J starts improving soon.
Well i feel as tho i shld get the worst mummy in the world award... Tonight i am going to a show called Hypnolarious (its meant to be a really funny show where ppl get hypnotised..always wanted to go to one!) with 2 girlfriends and leaving my darling little Sienna with my dad..he lives 2 minutes from the theatre its being held so its my best option! He loves her to absolute bits and is over the moon i am letting him babysit, hes so good with her so i know i dont have to worry but i still am.. i have told him one single little peep from her he has to call me and i will leave and get her.. the show only goes from 8-930 at the latest and hopefully she will just sleep the whole time. I am feeding her like every half an hour now just so her tummy is nice and full. Im feeling so guilty for going, like im just abandoning her so i can have a laugh.. i wish dh was in town.. i wldnt feel half as bad then! Now i understand the whole mothers guilt thing....
Well im home, Sienna is fed and asleep all snuggled up on me the show wasnt as good as i thought it wld be... the hypnotising didnt work on a lot of ppl. I went straight after it finished and got Sienna from Dads.. she was sound asleep on his lap..but she was doing a little sobbing noise in her sleep every 20 or so seconds! it broke my heart! i asked him how long she had cried for and he said max. 10 mins, which i believe cos i have left her crying for 10 mins wen i was trying to follow this stupid routine and wen she did go to sleep she made that little sobbing/hiccuping noise. Her face wasnt at all red and she wasnt hot so i know she didnt get too worked up.. and i know he wld have called me if he needed too. Was so sad to hear tho Has anyone heard this little noise they do after crying sometimes?? or am i the only mean mummy Wen i got in the car i just burst into tears... i know she was alright.. gosh she did big smiles wen i woke her up and took her from dad but i dont know.. i think i just found it really hard leaving her Shes only made that sobbing sound twice in her life now.. but i never want to hear it again! I didnt show my dad that it upset me too much tho cos i cld tell he had the best couple hrs with her, he is in the middle of painting his house so doesnt have a tv connected at the moment, i asked him wat the hell he did the whole time! he said he just sat there all night holding her while she slept cos she wldnt let him put her down on her sheepskin... haha so cute
So yes that my first and last outing without my little attachment, unless ofcourse its just a quick dash to the shop! xx
awww Reet hunny yes when bubs get upset they can have a little sob afterwards Ella does if she is having a play up i give her a cuddle and rub her back to calm her then put her back to sleep.
There will be many many things that your sienna will do that will make you feel guilty about and as much as we want to wrap them in cotton wool we can't because in the long term it wont benefit them we have to be the strong loving caring mums who teach our babies to self settle and be able to handle seperation from us you just make up for it when they are awake and in your arms lots of lovin!
Reet how did your night go? Hope you had a lovely time.
Ferrals what brilliant news about Ella's cyst thing. Must be such a relief that its gone and she wont need the surgery. Hey I've been meaning to ask and don't respond if you don't want to and I appolagise if this si to personal but I just wondering if you have any snow babies left? If so is there any chance you can have them tested? I guess that would open a whole new kettle of fish. After DTD last night (sorry about TMI) I told DH he needed the snip and he said no as 1% of him might want another baby WTF? I told him I either need to know I can have another now or I want my hope of another gone so I can move on completely. Men hey!
Oh Reet sweetheart you poor thing...ahhhh mother guilt...its a complex thing and hits us in the guts in many ways!
Poor little Sienna with the sobs, but you just never know whether you would have been able to stop her crying for those 10mins either, maybe it was a pain that the boob wouldnt have fixed. And how could have asked for a better babysitter. Even if she was upset and wanted her mumma she was being held lovingly in someones warm arms the whole time!
Many people will tell you to get over it, or that you 'need' 'me' time. We thats true for some and not true for others. I still feel weird when my kids have sleepovers at my mums house and DD1 is 7. I let her go cause its good for her to have that special time with her grandparents but i dont like my nest being empty hehe!
I like to think of mothers guilt as an indicator how much we care if we are doing a good job or not. Some dont have the guilt, they are **** mothers! Recognise it, but value that you are an adult and the parent. Make the right decision for you and your family
Ferrals: YAY on something medical finally going your way. Good girl Ella
Mildez-no we chose not to have the left overs frozen as i would have rathered do a fresh cycle each attempt that way we get to pick the healthiest looking one out of each collection turned out we didnt need to do anymore and besides we went through westmead IVF after our sydney IVF resulted in an effected embryo and all the other embryos were a grade 3 5 day blasties so fine for transfer but not for PGD testing and westmead dosnt do PGD and sydney charges a lot of $$$$$$ its still about $12,000 per cycle.
So i would not do IVF again we didnt really need it my FS said i am very fertile still lots of eggs my follicle count was always really good i just seem to have high E2 levels from a lead follicle which hinded all the other follies from catching up and DH sperm with our last ivf was great so the FS said it all came down to stress trying to hard and age that was effecting how long it took to get pregnant and with age against us and knowing we might have to try a few times to get an uneffected baby i was not willing to wait so went IVF
And my DH did the same to me the other night he was called into work so i missed out on my raunchy night and i said to DH maybe its a good thing i can feel that i am ovulating and he said ohh! i will have to come home and wake you up and throw the leg over so he definately wants another one it is me that is not so sure.
So at the moment i am not worried about falling pregnant i know when i ovulate and will tell DH to pull out and we will just see what happens in a few months after i go back to work DH might feel differently and decide we are done.
And i agree with what you said your DH cant keep you in limbo you need to know so you can grieve your child bearing days are over or you could just let nature decide if he wont get the snip it might just happen and he will get his boy.
How old are you is age a factor?
Tegam-I know thank f#ck! i waited to have it looked at.
I put Ella to bed at 7pm and i went to bed at 9pm i was in a deep sleep when Ella's Angelcare monitor alarm went off about 2am ( now ella is a light sleeper and wakes really easy) and the 2 other times her alarm has gone off was when she was a newborn and in a very deep sleep so the alarm woke her but this time i went in her room and there was no movement the alarm was still going off i put my hand on her head she was so still so i put it on her chest to see if she was breathing there was no movement i gave her a little nudge and she still didnt move so i grabbed her and gave her a little shake (just enough to get a response) and she finally moved OMG! she scared the hell out of me and she was sleeping on her back where i normally put her on her side.
So i laid there the rest of the night listening to the beeping of her monitor and i was thinking to myself was she really not breathing would she have started to breath had i not given her a little shake what if i hadnt had a monitor would she have been a SID's victim or am i just over reacting and she was just in a really really deep sleep.
But i am sitting here this morning thinking thank god i invested in a monitor and my baby is smiling away playing with her mobile.
OMG Ferrals, how scary! I only have a regular baby monitor, and am still too nervous to put Axel in his own room at night. I'm so glad little Ella is fine
Ferrals: Scary! I had to go check on Sammy after reading that, lol. Thank God you were there!
Reet: Ah the mummy guilts, I know them well I know the sleepy sobbing noises you mean, Sammy cries and laughs in his sleep, the laughing is adorable, the crying not so much! It sounds like your dad had an awesome night with Sienna!
Mildez: Oh that's frustrating of your DH! Is it nice to know that the possibility is there or just annoying cos it's not a yes/no answer? How's J?
Tegam: Hi! I hate that ''me time'' thing, I can have me time with Sammy, it doesn't have to be alone. For DH's birthday my sister offered to take Sammy, DH was like ''NOOOO!!! It's my birthday, I need him!''
AFM: Sammy has 2 teeth, an insatiable appetite for grabbing anything and everything, and a new ability to flirt mercilessly. We went to a massive baby store (those places still scare me!) and Sammy was smiling and laughing and coo'ing at everyone around him, he had an audience of about 6 people at one stage, people kept calling their friends over to come see the cute baby. He followed that day up with a day of crap daytime sleep and general crankiness when not being carried around and shown new things every 2 minutes. He's lucky he's a cutie
I am having the most crap day. Axel WILL NOT SETTLE DOWN. Unless I'm holding him and even then half the time he just screams anyway. I can't give him a bottle without him carrying on and taking almost an hour to feed because of the way he screams and pulls off the teat. Forget about playtime, he isn't interested. Forget about me even having anything to eat............. I think he'd spontaneously combust if I did anything for myself. I'm still in PJ's, have a blasting headache and am just feeling completely overwhelmed today.
Why did I get the baby that screams non-stop? Why does everything have to be so difficult? Where's that smiling baby you see on the nappy ads, seriously?! Do they even exist?? I feel like the worst mother in the world. I can't get anything right. Nothing works, and I feel like I just want to run screaming into the night and never come back. To make matters worse, DP has no patience for the crying anymore. He gives up after a few minutes and just leaves him to scream. I get so guilty about it I end up shouldering the entire burden and it's wearing me down. DP says things like "Babies ruin your life... why do women want babies when this is what they're like? I don't want any more kids, I don't even want the one we've got." I know this stuff is coming from a place of frustration............... but it just makes me cringe. I feel like I have to soldier on and do everything for fear of DP having a rough time of it.
I know that's not realistic, and that I need his help, but when he gives up so easily I feel like I need to take over again, it just goes on and on. Anyway, that's my little pity party for the day, Axel is screaming (of course) in his bassinette so I'd better go and bang my head against the same old brick wall for another few hours.
PS. I feel guilty as hell for even feeling this way. So many women would kill to have their babies here with them, and here I am saying I can't handle the crying. I don't deserve to even hold the title of mother some days.
Nawwww, fshelby, That sounds really tough. It will get better with Axel, I promise. As for your DP, I'm sure it will get better for him too. You know I've had shocking days too, where I just hold my little bunny and say "I'm sorry you can't have a better mummy" You have a sling, dont you? Will that help at all? At about A's age all the girls in my MG starting worshipping theirs. (My endless praise for the Close carrier started earlier)
ferrals - eeek, scary! I have only used my Angelcare once, and I didn't trust it - still kept running up to check her! Our house is tiny, and DD sleeps in our room, so we hear every little sniffle, but I still get the frights.
Reet - I've got hideous mumma guilt. My me time is going for a swim while DH takes the baby for a walk in the Ergo. She sleeps the whole time - one hour every week. That's all I need, although when she was 5 months I went out for dessert with some girlfriends.
Tegmam - that's a lovely take on mummy guilt! You're my mummy mentor, I think.
DD's favourite toy right now is a whisk. Or my keys. *actual* toys are a total waste of space.
Kit - hooley dooley, Teef! We have none. No sign of them either, but I have a teething necklace on just in case.
Audax, we had no teeth until Sam was nine months old. Then we had two pop through during church one morning. We didn't even know he was teething - all thanks to the baltic amber. He now refuses to wear his amber and we are having a hellish time with his two year old molars!
Tegam - I think I agree with your take on mummy guilt... when it's others feeling it! When it's me, I just generally suck.
Forshelby - We sometimes have "PJ days" still. Some days it's just not worth trying to do anything and you just sit in your PJs and hold your child and hope for the best. It's a tough day to be in, I hope tomorrow is better.
I'm still doing the specialist shuffle... My liver needs to be biopsied, my rheumy says I have bursitis in one hip joint and it's doubtful that my next script will arrive on time for my next dose of humira and Sam's been provisionally diagnosed with mild asthma and I'm supposed to be organising a chest x-ray for him but keep getting snowed under with other stuff.
I've been struggling to even read and keep up, but will keep trying!
Ferrals what a scare you must have had. Did you grab her in the dark or did you turn the lights on? If you had the lights on if she was not breathing then you would notice a colour change by the time you got her out. I'd say she was doing very very shallow breaths that were not picked up on the monitor maybe not! Thank God for monitors anyway. I sleep without the worry I'll wake to J been taken from us especially when she is having respiratory problems with the coughing, pneumonia etc. I've always been paranoid of SIDS but even more so now. I'll be relieve when she is older and I dont have to worry about that although then there are other things to worry about like drowning etc.
Forshelby your been very hard on yourself. Axel sounds very challenging. As I read that thats an understatement. His screaming sounds like a nightmare. My SIL is goiong through the same thing with her bub and I think J been good feels like a slap in the face to her. I wish he was an easy baby for you. Have you spoken to your MCN about it? Maybe they have some suggestions that would help settle him. Some of those day time sleep schools sound good. The ones they run through the child health clinic. That way they can see what bub does and know if its normal baby behaviour just a difficult bub or else might be from reflux or something that can be treated. A friend of mine went to hell and back with her bub and she was diagnosed with a silent reflux or something like that and once her formula was change she was a different bub. Hope things ease up for you soon. Does Axel sleep well for your overnight? Things will get better. You have had such a hard time after Axels birth. Thinking of you.
J has now been on ab's for 5days and their has been the slightest of improvement. She is still wheezing but the crackling has eased so the pnumonia must be improving to a degree. The coughing is about the same but the power spews are easing! Night time ios a struggle as she coughs and wakes herself now so I am up and down all night with her on the boob. SHE just wants to comfort suck which is fine but OMG my boob are flat pancakes. They have been sucked to death.
BW hope your script arrives on time. Are you finding the weather flares up your arthritis?
Kit I would love a yes or no answer. I'm struggling a little with the whole is J my last or not. I wish I have a definate answer as everytime DH mentions having another I am hopefully which I shouldn't be as there is more change of not having another. I think deep down we wont have another and I can accept that and move on now I just dont want to be in limbo land and grieve for the 4th bub I never had and should have years from now when I could get it over and done with now and move forward. But never mind. I am super happy and counting my blessings just sometimes when I am been greedy it gets me down a little.
Mildez, good to hear your little one is starting to improve at last. I'm not doing too badly with the weather, but I'm only four days out from my last injection. Where I am now is the point where my bad days are actually better than the good days I had before I started in the new drug. I have a fair amount of mental fog, forgetfulness, absent-mindedness stuff going on, but I can cope with that. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to teach maths again with the state my head is in (couldn't even add up my purchases when I went shopping the other day to keep an idea of how much I was spending), but it's worth it for the pain relief. The hip is giving me lots of grief at the moment, but I've got a heat pack on it and it's easing. Starting to think the steroid shot would have been a good idea, but I'm too squeamish!
Blergh, BW, sounds horrid. Especially the mind fog. I love my brain, especially the bits that hung around through pregnancy and babyhood (not a lot!) Good that your medication is working though. Good luck getting that chest x-ray for Sam - not toooo urgent, is it?
Mildez - glad to hear that J-bunny is getting better. Thank heavens for magical boobs!
Does anyone else still have a hard time with other peoples pregnancies? I am really struggling with my SIL's pregnancy - she's 30 weeks. She was pregnant when Noodle was born, but didn't know, and I think I'm glad she didn't, because I probably would have cried on the spot. We found out on Christmas Day, and fortunately our then 2 week old was having a grumpfest, so I could excuse myself to go and be quietly sad in the bedroom. Is that weird? Or normal? Am I just a b!tch?
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it broke my heart! i asked him how long she had cried for and he said max. 10 mins, which i believe cos i have left her crying for 10 mins wen i was trying to follow this stupid routine and wen she did go to sleep she made that little sobbing/hiccuping noise. Her face wasnt at all red and she wasnt hot so i know she didnt get too worked up.. and i know he wld have called me if he needed too. Was so sad to hear tho 
so he definately wants another one it is me that is not so sure. 
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