Yes Lisa - I wil scold you My world at this point in time is incredibly sucky (and that is an understatement). It is hard on many levels and I am physically finding it difficult to do what I need to do, just because I am 32 weeks pregnant and carrying two toddlers in a house with multiple stairs. Even a trip to the shops hurts and I usually have someone else to push the trolley and no children with me. I am sad, lonely and overwhelmingly missing the man who should be here giving me a cuddle and making everything ok. I hate being dependent on others and on days like today (not a good one) I just physically hurt with the grief. The little things like sharing the parenting load, the wakeups and the early morning get ups and someone who loves your little ones as much as you do are my realities that no longer exist.

BUT I keep reading here to keep me centred. To help me connect with a world that has the *normal* ups and downs. To remind me there is another life out there and one day (I hope) I will be part of that kind of normal again. I need that reality because the dark place I currently live in can become all consuming without a focus point outside. I have a friend (same age as me) having chemo for a nasty form of breast cancer and both of us want to help the other. Despite our own situations, it is much easier to give to others and to focus on helping them than it is to wallow in your own pain. Other people and their problems are a distraction form the reality - especially when the reality is a horrible place to exist.

So keep posting, keep complaining about the normal issues you are having and keep telling me about the good things too. Give me a chance to live vicariously in your life. And make sure the lessons you receive from me are to make the most of every minute you have. Love with all your heart, enjoy every smile, breathe every breath.

The love and support I receive from this little group is beyond words. It is beyond the space of BB. It is phone calls and messages and prayers and knowing that I am in your thoughts often that reminds me I am surrounded - even when I feel very much alone