Oh sweetheart, I want you to know I was exactly where you are about 5 weeks ago! You said every word I had sobbed to DH. I thought I was the most awful mother and yes I thought 'what the hell have I done' and yet you still feel so incredibly in love with them when they finally settle and drift off. I felt guilty that I was being ungrateful too after waiting 5 years and also losing a little angel.

NaeNae you are certainly happy to be a mum, you are not in the least bit ungrateful and it can be down right hard and dare I say it horrid at times. You are a huge success hon, you have been feeding for over a week and that is a massive accomplishment. Breastfeeding is hard, its not the miraculously wonderful miracle that I had been told about. DD still can be a horrid feeder but now I am a better feeder I panic less and it seems a little easier (not saying you are not feeding well of course, please dont think that).

Just a thought and I know you dont want to express but due to a huge gash in my left nipple, left sides really suck hey , I expressed and froze the milk till it healed 5 looooong weeks and simply fed from the right side. Maybe you could just give a single feed from the left and work your way up from that one feed a day to several. This might let you take time out from the screaming little chook and lift your spirits up again. Obviously Im no expert or even remotely good at this stuff but doing that helped me a lot.

Please know that you are SUCCESSFULLY feeding. I was told there are a few girls on here that feed exclusively from one side and if thats what works for you then go for it!

Dont ever think that anyone is judging you. You are doing a great job.