Sweetie, getting your head round your birth experience will probably take some time, it took me a lot longer than I expected.... do as much as you can to be with Amelia, the rest will come....but when you are ready to share, I'd love to read. I also found it really confusing having a live bubs to take care for, which reminded me too of what I didn't get to share with Amelia, Nicholas or Sophie. It's a hard road ahead on so many level. Just try not to give yourself a hard time for what you feel, from what my counsellor says they ( elation, guilt,sadness, anger, tiredness, exhaustion, nausea, confusion) are all pretty normal. Hugs.

Oh and check out my ticker! I finally got the courage to change it..... I had wanted to add it as soon as I got my BFP, but in order to put it up I had to change my exisiting ticker. That was a pretty hard thing to do, to actually let go of my babies names on my ticker. Not sure yet how I feel about it.

Here's something else I have been meaning to ask. A friend of mine keeps a blog. She had extremely prem babies. She now has an earthside bubba. She wrote recently on her angels blog that her angels was her past and her earthside bubba was her future. That just doesn't work for me. I understand why she wrote it, as she invested a lot of herself in memoralising her angels, very publically and an earthside bubba demands attention. I have not really ever done that, my memoralising tends to be more private, but I also try to lead a life to honour my babies in my thoughts words and deeds. For me my angels are every bit as much of my future as HB and little rasberry bear as they have helped mould the person I am now. I have been thinking about that comment for ages, and that comment just doesn't work for me. How do you approach it? Just curious.

The germ fairy has visited us again, HB, me and DH got gastro in succession. Blergh, but I didn't actually feel too much worse than I do with m/s. There's a turn up for the books. On the mend now. Phew.

Belly rubs.