Hi girls,

I hope you don't mind me joining you, I haven't posted on the forums since becoming pregnant but I'm struggling a bit at the moment so thought I'd pop my head back in, it's so nice to see familiar faces back in here (Dory).

What I'm struggling with at the moment is that, I always have a fear/worry in the back of my head that I'm going to loss my current pregnancy (I guess that's normal after what I've been through) but the last few days it hasn't just been a fear/worry, it has been more of a certainty. I have this overwhelming feeling that this one just isn't going to make it and it's kind of making me give up on this one. I hate feeling like this, I just don't know.

The other thing and probably not quiet as concerning is that I can't seem to make the phone call to make an appointment to book into the hospital let a lot book in. There is only one hospital here so I have no choice but to go back to the place of so much loss for us and I'm sick of having to answer all the questions. It's horrible looking at my book in paper work and seeing a whole page dedicated to our angel babies, I'm sure pregnancy hormones are playing there part but all I feel like doing is crying.

That and the fact that my toddler is becoming very trying and I'm starting to wonder again whether I'm even meant to be a mum, like our losses were meant to be a warning against it, I don't know, maybe I'm just going crazy.

That's for reading.