To find out the sex or not to find out the sex.. bub#2

[Eng]

Hello,

DH and I are expecting bub#2, we are both so excited and have waited and longed to have our little blessing..

When I was pregnant with DD, I couldnt wait to find out if she was a boy or a girl. When we found out we werent meant to share the info with family but DH told my mum indirectly. So we had to tell the rest of the parents. But this time I want to keep the excitment alive and not find out.. At the 12 week scan DH and I kept guessing 'o wait thats a willy no theres a v-jayjay'.

So yesterday we meet up with our OB who told me to book my 20 week scan. He asked if we wanted to find out the sex. DH said yes and I said not sure.. So in the car on the way home, I asked DH and he said he didnt really care.. I am still undecided...

I wanted to know but I dont want to know.. I want that experience of Its a .... when we are sitting there in the delievery room.. but It would make it easier to know.

Our families are very involed in our lives (culture thing) My mil in hospital with leukemia and I think her not knowing and just being excited about the baby gives her something to fight towards. My FIL has made is opinion known that he doesnt want us to find out. My olds are sweet they will go with the flow.. Actually I think My mum wants to know.. lol

Has anyone else gone through this, found out and then wished they didnt?? Or found out and will do it again? Any thoughts? Suggestions? lol I just want some advise..

Thank you in advance..

[Nai]

We didn't find out with either of ours - DP got to do the "we have a .... " for both of them which made him feel pretty special. Everyone accused us of knowing but not telling but it really didn't matter. We said if it's a boy we have 6 months to sort out room etc as bubs was always going to be rooming in with us at the start anyway and if it was a girl she would go into DD1's room once she was ready. We didn't tell Mum or MIL what we had until they came to the hospital with DD1 - they were really annoyed but we wanted DD1 to be the first person (apart from us) to find out that she had a sister.

[black_rose]

We didn't find out with the two girls, we almost did this time but changed our minds after talking about it in the car on the way there. We decided no beacause we had doubts what if we regretted knowing, so we are having a third surprise!

[*EJ*]

We didn't find out with DS#1. With DS#2 we decided on our way to the scan to find out but it was never something we were going to make known to everyone. In the end a few close people to me did know before the birth (Parents & in-laws not included). This time around i am SOOOO tempted but also know i would love to have the surprise at the end. Still yet to have any scans so again it may be something we just end up deciding on the day.

Having done it both ways i can't really say i liked one way better than the other. At the end of the journey we got our beautiful little miracles and that's all that matters to us. The curiosity in me is what's making me want to know what this little one is but that is it, everything else can wait until after the bubba comes.

So to answer your questions i never had any regrets in not knowing what DS1 was or knowing what DS2 was it was a beautiful journey both ways. And i know whatever we decide with this little one it will be right and just as much a special journey as the first two. I do suggest that if you find out what you are having keep it to yourselves as much as you can. Even though you know, it does keep the suspence until the end for everyone else.

Good luck i hope i was a little help for you xo

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

We found out with both, with DD1 we weren't going to but then DP changed his mind so we 'flipped a coin'
I am so so glad we did though as i got to tell my nan we were having a girl and using her name as a middle name, she died 3 days later, she had asked me from day 1 what girls name we would use and we didn't have one picked, when we found out we were having a girl the name came to us and we used it and told her straight away.

With DD2 we found out for financial reasons, i had given all my neutral baby clothes to a friend who desperately needed some help and we couldn't really afford to go out and buy all new neutral clothes and sheets etc.

[nickle730]

We found out the gender of our babies with both of our kids. We kept it a secret with DD, no one knew but us! It was really nice for DH and I to share that experience - we knew something no one else knew, something we could only share with each other.

At the same US that we found out the gender of DS we were told that he was not expected to survive. His gender was so completely irrelevant and unimportant that we told everyone. Keeping it a secret really wasn't even a consideration.

This time, my DH has said that he would like a surprise. I really feel that I should honour his wish and not find out... BUT... I don't think I can!! I can cope with not being terribly organised as far as clothes and room decorations go, but I honestly find that knowing the gender when I'm pregnant helps me to bond with my babies. I don't want to miss that opportunity! I am also impatient and just waiting 20 weeks to find out the gender seems waaaay too long! I have suggested to DH that I find out and he doesn't, but he's not sure about that!

So, I've found out both times and never regretted it. I know people say it's lovely to have the surprise at the time of delivery, but I like to have the surprise half way through! It's not like, if you know the gender the delivery is boring!!!

If you're not sure whether you want to know you could ask for the gender to be written in the US report which is sent to your care provider. Then you can change your mind and find out later. Or I do know someone who had the gender written down and sealed in an envelope. She and her DH never looked at it, but liked the idea that they COULD look if they wanted to... would have driven me insane!!! Good luck, whatever you decide!

[*EJ*]

I think i agree with nickle730 about knowing and having that extra time to bond knowing you will have a new son/daughter. I'm not saying you don't get that experience of bonding when you don't know but thinking back i really did enjoy it... that we could know and no one else did. I really am leaning towards finding out what this little bubba will be.

[turtleschell]

I didn't find out with DD.. the whole time I hoped for and expected a boy. Not knowing made the whole pregnancy really exciting. For that reason, I intend to never find out the sex of any future babies.
To be honest though, during the labour (10hrs and no pain relief) the sex of my baby was the last thing on my mind, and when DH finally said "It's a girl" I felt no real reaction, just "oh".. mainly just felt relieved and shocked that labour was finally over!
But, not expecting a girl made me love having a girl. I felt so proud of her, surprising us like that, and also looking so cute and pretty..

[mollycat]

Having done it both ways as well, I can't say that one way is better then the other or not. With both our boys, I never considered finding out, but with DD, it was something that was discussed. DH did not want to find out and I went into the scan not knowing for sure if I wanted to know. DH couldn't come to that scan and I told the lady doing the scan that I didn't want to be told but if it was on the DVD I didn't mind. After TTC for over ten years, it honestly didn't matter one way or the other if we had a girl or boy, although the comments since have driven me crazy "you must be so glad you've had a girl", Ummmm, it honestly didn't matter, I've got a baby.

I did come home and go through the DVD looking for bits, and finally rang back to have it confirmed, and had it double confirmed at an Ob appointment. DH didn't know until our bub was born what we were having, and I can still remember his face when she was delivered. I did tell a few close friends that I knew wouldn't tell anyone, and by mistake my eldest son found out, although he didn't want to know either. My mother used to ask all the time because she knew that I knew, but I used to tell her, until DH knew, I wasn't telling anyone.

[Frangipani]

We had a surprise for our first born, which was so exciting. That announcement and anticipation was such a wonderful feeling. Through the pushing stage i kept thinking we're about to find out what we have. I think it helped distract me a little.

With our second we decided to find out. As our first was a boy and i felt i needed to prepare myself for if it wasn't a girl, which it wasn't- so it helped me to know and try to get over the disappointment. I didn't want to cry the day DS2 was born- so this did help. Also i had sooo many boys clothes from DS1 and my cousins clean out- and wanted to know whether we needed to pass it onto a friend who was having a boy or keep for us- obviously we had to keep it for us. This time though it wasn't quite the same at the birth. They still did the 'its a boy'- but it wasn't as exciting.

We'll probably/hopefully in for a round 3 (in a few years though) and at this stage i think we'll let it be a surprise, even if it is another boy- which i feel it would end up being.

If your not sure yet, maybe see if you can get them to write it down and then you's can open it at 30 or 35 weeks. Or if you think it'll help you MIL and she can keep a secret just let her open it and then when your ready to know she can tell you.

Goodluck with your decision.

[Eng]

Not sure what to do... I feel I need DH to step and tell me no. lol

I thought about waiting until my 38 week scan... But then bub will almost be there so there is really no point.

Oh I want the surprise but I think I need a back bone.. lol

Thank you so much for sharing your stories... Ill let you know what I decide..

[*Beema*]

We found out with DD, but kept it off the forums and just between DH and I, and for us I am very glad we did it as DH suffered from GD and he took it really hard as he was certain it was a boy...

We will be finding out again this time for the same reason, if it is a girl DH can go through the GD then rather than when bub arrives. Last time he didn't speak to me for a whole week
Hopefully this time it won't matter as much....

Why not get it written down and put in an envelope then you can chose to decide whether to look or not, and if you do make it over a lovely dinner or the like

[Cassius2]

I thought about waiting until my 38 week scan... But then bub will almost be there so there is really no point.

Oh I want the surprise but I think I need a back bone.. lol

but it is still a suprise at 20 weeks! DH and I went out after the scan with DD2 and celebrated at the local cafe and then went out and bought something special, just for her....loved it.

(oh, we found out both times love to know!)

p.s. our compromise this time (to keep some things a surprise!) is to keep the name of this baby a secret. that way, no judgements, keeps the family happy that they have something to guess about and we can feel like the cat that got the milk....our little secret!

[Brotherly_Love <3]

I wanted to know and found out with my first - no regrets.

My second I wanted a surprise. The dad wanted to know... and with things so up and down between us, and his drinking problem I decided in the end it was probably just best for me to find out at the scan... cause either way the dad was going to find out... and I knew if he were to tell me in a drunken slip then I would have lost it big time at him. So I found out to save arguements. In a way I'm glad I did, cause I had huge gender disappointment problems.... which in a way I know I wouldn't have had, had I have not found out. I'm still hung up whether or not I should or shouldn't have found out.

If I were ever to have another baby though, I wouldn't find out. I'd want a surprise.. I want that whole movie scene drama of the unveiling of the blankets after they've been on your chest for a while with it's a ..... lol

[belfie]

ooh it's a tricky one - GL making your decision.

With my first PG, I didn't want to know, but that was a m/c.
With my second PG, I changed my mind and did want to know. So we found out at 20 weeks and didn't tell anyone we knew.... but we told EVERY stranger the entire waiting room at our scan knew!! And I told here on BB. Tbh I had really wanted a girl, but when I saw my little boy on the screen my heart melted - it was the best thing I ever did. Poor DH was petrified I'd be disappointed but I was just in love , I had never realised that finding out early would be so powerful, I felt I really bonded with him. After a big scare at 21.5 weeks (were told we'd lose him) we told a couple of two family members. It was nice being able to share it with them. He was named by about 21 weeks and we used his name throughtout the PG, and confirmed it within 2 nanoseconds of his birth!

This time, I was hoping for a girl to round out our family - so we decided to find out again. Because my DH told everyone after DS's birth that we knew about DS but kept it secret, we couldn't really do that again! So now we know it's a girl... and we've told the WORLD! DH was joking that I'll take out a 2 page ad in the paper. I never thought I'd enjoy telling during the PG but I love it. It's fantastic to share it before the work of having a new baby to look after! I'm getting to talk to my work colleagues, neighbours, friends... everyone and to enjoy hearing their happiness for us. And i"m talkign to people who I wouldn't necessarily see in the first month or so after the birth - after which time the surprise of the announcement has worn off. I also feel that each time it gives me time to bond and come to terms with it. My main concession to uncertainty is to get the gender double checked a few times, just to make sure!! So saying, I've already named my darling bundle this time too

I think it's such a personal thing, but I have to say, I love love love knowing and telling maybe I'm just a blabbermouth

[Eng]

aww thank you ladies...

I think if we did find out one of us would let it slip like last time.. I do want to know but I dont want the world to know (except bb world. lol) With DD I found it so nice bonding with her and calling her by her name that I feel if I dont know this time I might miss out on that extra bonding before birth.. I like saying good morning ........... and I love you ......... But the surprise at the end of the birth... Im sure that is so amazing and wonderful on so many levels...

We spoke again about it yesterday and DH can change is mind with the wind or with some convincing so it comes down to me. What do I want!!! grrrr lol

Im booking my scan today Im so excited...

[nickle730]

Eng, when I was pg with my DD we used both 'he' and 'she'. We warned people before we even knew what she was that we would be doing that. So if you mess up and use the true pronoun just use the other one in the next sentence. You could do the same with names is you are going to refer to your baby by name, have a male and female name and use them both!

[sassy123]

we were so excited when i was preg with DD there was no way we wernt gonna find out and teh same with this one. i have 8 days till my scan and i am nearly jumping out of my skin.