just came across this thread and i am so sorry to hear what your going through :hugs:
I think everyone has given great advice and you need to consider what is best for both of you, and if he treats you this way is he really worth it?
That sounds horrible but surely at 27 he should be able to be rational and sit down with you and discuss the pros and cons, he can't make you responsible for his past or punish you for what his XP has done to him.
I understand it would be hard for him and how he can think it's not fair on his other kids but whats fair for YOU?
No matter what i'm sure your mother will be there to support you, they all get upset with us over one thing or another.. it may take time but shes your mum and she loves you!
You BOTH need to be able to make this choice but if you don't feel you can mentally handle another abortion then thats completely understandable.
1 last thought... if you DID get an abortion and stayed with him would it make the relationship any better, how would YOU feel about him?
Would you blame him for the decision, because if you would then the relationship will be just as rocky without a baby in the picture.
I hope he can act like the grown up he's meant to be and sit down and discuss it with you, he shouldn't pressure you into making a decision.
I hope whatever you do you make the right decision for yourself and for your relationship, it would be so so hard!
I haven't gone through and read all the replies, so please forgive me if I am repeating what the other ladies have said.
Firstly you need a big bear hug, as I am not there this will have to do This is such a terrible situation! You have to remember it takes two my dear, it takes two to get you here and it takes two to make any decision about what to do. It feels as though he is being indredibly selfish and only thinking about how this is going to effect him and his life. It also sounds as if there really wasn't a decision to be made from you in your first post, you want this baby. Having a few doubts is completely normal, but having the stress of someone telling you other wise is just horrible! You are allowed to want your baby, you are allowed to get excited at the thought of it and if he says he wants a child with you 'one day', when will that day be?? When will he let himself move on from the past in order for you to have a fully functional relationship that goes to the next stage??
I completely understand that you don't want to loose him, but shouldn't he be the one standing back saying he doesn't want to loose you and another child?? I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you should not have to go through all of this on your own (or what seems to be), he needs to step up and be the man that he wants to be to his other children. His ex has moved on and had another child, why can't you two? I cannot understand what it must be like for him not to see his children, but having another child will not stop him from finding them if thats what he chooses to do.
Do your very best to sit down with him again and tell him he needs to listen to everything you want to say, your feelings towards it all and how you felt when you found out. Then when you are finished he can talk. I know this would be so hard on you as you hate confrentation and you are affraid of loosing him, but tell him ALL of that! Tell him everything you have felt over the time you've known even if it doesn't seem relivant to him. Then give each other time before making any decisions.
I am thinking of you and I truely do feel for you. Please come back and tell us who you go with it all.
Reply With Quote
This is such a terrible situation! You have to remember it takes two my dear, it takes two to get you here and it takes two to make any decision about what to do. It feels as though he is being indredibly selfish and only thinking about how this is going to effect him and his life. It also sounds as if there really wasn't a decision to be made from you in your first post, you want this baby. Having a few doubts is completely normal, but having the stress of someone telling you other wise is just horrible! You are allowed to want your baby, you are allowed to get excited at the thought of it and if he says he wants a child with you 'one day', when will that day be?? When will he let himself move on from the past in order for you to have a fully functional relationship that goes to the next stage?? 
Bookmarks