OP -

I went back through and read everything, now I need to update my stats - so here they are, and I am being brutally honest as I need to be right now to help myself get my head into a better place.

10 pregnancies, 1 termination due to abnormalities not compatible with life, 6 miscarriages, 2 live births, pregnant with 1 - and one suspected miscarriage that I can't prove from August 2009.

1. termination due to abnormalities not compatible with life - 7wks 4d - 21st Jan 2005
2. m/c - 4th Jan 2006 - approx 8wks
3. m/c - 7-12th July 2006 - approx 7.5wks
4. m/c - 12th August 2007 - approx 5wks + a few days
5. Live Birth - DS - 23rd December 2008
6. m/c - 9th January 2010 - 4wks 2d
7. m/c - 12th March 2010 - 5wks 3d
8. Live Birth - DD - 30th March 2011
9. m/c - 2nd June 2011 4wks + a few days
10. pregnant - edd 7th July 2012

For me currently as long as this baby stays sticky and is born alive it averages out at 3.33 live births per 10 pregnancies.
If I lose this baby then my personal statistics will be 4 losses for every 5 pregnancies.

And yes, I count my termination as a loss - because it was. I was told he would not survive birth, and have since researched that if he did somehow miraculously survive he would have had to be connected to machines for the rest of his life.
I was 17, they told me my best option was to terminate as I was so young and should not have to go through the pain of burying a child. My former boyfriend had already been urging e to have a termination before the scan that changed everything, I had been in tears for 2 weeks, my dad and stepmum said even though they would support me in whatever my decision was they would have to stop trying for their own baby together if I kept my baby (which even though they deny it I think they wanted to guilt trip me into stopping more complications in our already complicated combined family).
I never really had a choice, I had no real support, I had no other viable option, and most people IR always make me feel guilty for having had one, and tell me I should be over it, forget about because "I" made the decision to have a termination. What thy never seem to understand though is that I didn't make the decision - it was made for me by everything else and I was just dragged along for the ride.
My termination hurt more than any other loss I've had, and I've had 6 of them, all around the same gestation or earlier, only one at approx 8wks.

I appologise now if I have offended anyone, I truly hope I haven't because it was not my intention. I am just trying to share my story and what I have been through.


Your story won't offend, if anything it might just help someone through a rough time in there own life.

I'll bet you treasure your little darlings even more because of what you have been through.