I know exacly how you feel. My mum died very unexpectedly from a blood clot in her lung about 10 months ago. I was 24 weeks pregnant with DS, it was also 6 days before my 20th birthday. I really wish she could of had the chance to meet her grandson and have that bond like she did with DD. It was very hard for me and it still is. I think i am still in denial with what happened to be honest. So i don't really have any advice for you but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.