DH and I had a very active sex life prior to LTTTC. Things went downhill slowly but surely once we had to DTD at certain times, and/or within certain days of the month. It got worse as we moved in IVF and were told we couldn't DTD in case we 'stuffed up' the cycle.

Our lives revolved around trying to have a baby, and sex became the thing that hindered, not helped. I know that DH still had the drive, and tbh so did I, but we became less connected with each other sexually as the years passed.

Things came to complete standstill once I fell pregnant. He was scared that DTD would 'hurt' the baby (and so was I despite knowing better!), or risk this precious pregnancy, and as I got bigger, he admitted that he did not find the big stomache attractive, esp when he could see the baby moving under the skin. He also explained that he still found me attractive, but there were too many emotional hang-ups about the safety of the baby to allow him to comfortably view me as a sexual being. I was upset but I understood.

Of course, during this time, his sex drive still existed. And I know he must have taken care of that side of things, I don't begrudge him that. I tried not to take it personally, because I know it wasn't about loving me less.

Since Charlie's arrived, our relationship has very slowly undergone a healing period, and I think over 2 years since my son's birth, healing is something that is still very much happening.

LTTTC is a life-changing event, and you and your DH will carry the scars of it, and in some cases, the scars show up in the way you're intimate with each other. I too used to worry that if he still had a sex drive, but we weren't having sex, then it was a reflection on my desireability. But the truth is more grey then that. I think passion is something that is quite fragile, and it can be easy to dampen. It doesn't mean he loves you any less, or that he doesn't find you sexy or desireable. I think it's more that the 'old' habits of sexual pursuit and game-playing stop working when you're TTC for a long time, and now you both have to learn new rules.

So yes it does happen sometimes, where an aspect of your marriage suffers as a result of LTTTC (and yes, it's often the sexual side of things). DH and I still love each other very much, but like all marital issues, we need to work on fixing our problems, and to do that, we need to be honest and open with each other. I absolutely believe that he loves you as much if not more than ever, but what his 'sexual' side needs right now is probably at odds with what his 'father' and 'husband' side wants. It's a new phase of your lives for both of you - you will eventually adapt, and if you don't adapt, as long as you talk to each other and believe what the other person is saying, you're on the right track, too.