Parenting after LTTTC #2

[TaRhLi.]

Hi Everyone

Hey Neptune so good to see you over here now, wow the BFing for you sounds painful. Tara never really got into the hang of it, probably didn't help that it took 5 days before my milk started to come in (due to my anemia) and she was taking the bottle from day 2 so got used to that pretty quickly. I was expressing for her, but at my peak I was only getting 80mls a day and at that time she was on 60mls per feed. She is now 100% bottle feed now as my milk dried up almost 2 weeks ago, but she is absolutely thriving.

FG: What a trip to have to make with Archer, if I remember correctly you live around Beechworth, is that correct. I remember from the fires this year, plus we live in a fire prone area so always looking out for our country cousins...

Janie: I can't believe that Jasmine is 7 months old, wow time flies. I remember going through the LTTTC & TWW journey with you with my other unsuccessful pregnancies.

Lily Dust: Big hello, hope to get to know you better.

Marcellus: Big hello to you as well

Megan: Wow I can't believe that Noah is 7 months old already. It is scary to see time flying by so fast.

AFM: Tara had her first day yesterday with only 6 feeds (normally 8) and even has had some big blocks of sleep in the late evening, around 4-5 hours which is fantastic. Only problem is that after her 2am feed she wants to stay awake. Even in a dark room with no stimulation she is happpy to gabble away to herself for a good hour or more. Anyway she had her 4 weeks check today and she has put on 280grams in 7 days, so in the past 2 1/2 weeks thats 600grams in total. At least I'm doing something right as she is piling on the pounds now.

Anyway, I'm going to get something to eat while she is asleep. Oh, Tara will be 1 month old tomorrow...

[farmgirl77]

Hi all,

KellyD - congrats on Tara's 1 month birthday (ish) - it is amazing how quickly it goes, even if it does not seem like it at the time! Sounds like she is doing really well - must be because she has got such a great mum!

Lily Dust - hope that all is going well at the moment.

Megan - hope you enjoyed the movies - what did you see?

Janie - Jasmine sounds like a little angle - even with her sleeping habits!

Nic - hope you are getting a bit of rest, and managing to do some holiday planning! Nothing like a plan to help the saving!!!

Marcellus - yay for sleeping through the night - hope it lasts! Archer is doing that too, I feel like a new person!

Neptune - how are things going? hope that you are getting less pain with the bf - take care of yourself.

to everyone else!

AFM - yep, we are in Beechworth, so it was a big road trip to Canberra. Took me 6 hrs up (stoped for a big feed for both of us), and about 4 1/2 back. At least now most of the roadwork on the Hume is over, so there is only a few spots where you have to slow down etc (although then you do have to get down to 40km)! We also drove up 2 months before I was due, and as we left Albury there was a sign up that said 'Roadworks, next 125km'! It was a nightmare and not a fun drive, especially coming back at night in the rain. Well, at least this time I travelled during the day. It was a long 2 days, but I was glad that I made the effort to get up there for the funeral.

have a radio on in Archers room during the day to provide background noise - started off with ABC local radio, and then switched to Triple J. Yesterday I though I would try something different and put on a Baby Bach CD, as he was really grizzly...did not work at all as he just go worse! Clearly he takes after DH and thinks that classical music is crap and Triple J rocks!

Had Archer at the peds on Mon as well, and have finally been told that we are doing a good job...well at least of keeping his ezcema under control! Is is just me, or do you find that the people that you come across (eg maternal health nurses, midwives) are quick to point out what you are doing wrong, or differently, but very rarely say that you are doing a good job at raising your child? I think it even applies to friends/family etc, they are always quick to say 'Oh, you are doing x, we did y...' etc, but not often do they say, 'wow, your baby looks so healthy and happy, you are doing a great job'!

So on that note, I would just like to say that everyone here is doing a great job with their little ones - we all have beautiful babies who are growing and doing fun stuff, and they are all the more special because of the difficult journey we have all been through. So to everyone!

Hope everyone is doing well in the heat.
FG

[briggsy's girl]

Beechworth to Canberra is a decent old trip - i lived in Canberra and used to visit family in Beechworth every couple of months. i loved going down there - such a beautiful place!

so glad you're getting somewhere with Archers ezcema - my niece has some after a nasty bout of hand foot and mouth - and they seem to be fighting it all the time - at least she is five and kinda gets what is happening

not sure if it's a small town thing, or the fact that i have a decent backbone - but i've not copped many comments that are negative about DD's development so far - my family know i was worried about her when she wasn't gaining weight at the start and i told them i didn't need negative BS, i needed support - and it's continued. one negative "you should be doing this" comment from the MCHN and me telling her to pull her head in, i was doing it my way - and she hasn't gone there again - in fact, when i mentioned BLS she said "thank you for being prepared to parent as you intend to go on - we have to support people introducing food as they wish, but my personal opinion is that BLS are the better option" - yay!

AFU - DD is going really well - she seems happy most of the time - had a couple of days of grief with her teeth, but nothing bad yesterday (still no teeth, so it's sure to come back to annoy her again!)

must away - she's been awake nearly an hour and now has the hiccups so is bound to ask for a drink any second

[onthefly]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to mess with you BG It's great that you've demanded support from those around you - it's very hard to do that.

FG - I know what you mean and it can be so true. I have to say that the health professionals I saw were all supportive and told us we were doing well, even when DS' weight gains were slow early on. Sometimes we have to demand support (like BG) or go find different people to help us (well, can't get different family I guess, but health professionals at least).

But you're right - you have a beautiful little baby, who's growing and thriving, who loves you and will one day be a wonderful adult!

Of course you're doing things right Kelly - the proof is in the pudding!

Awww, Noah sounds so cute! Solids are sooooo messy, hey?

[briggsy's girl]

small towns do make it hard to pick your care providers too - we had no choice on mchn, and thankfully, the regular mchn is lovely, but when she got sick and had a couple of months off, the fill in's were absolute cows - so i just got DD weighed and measured and said "ooh, she's upset, i best go feed her, see ya" - i wasn't listening to their crap! at one appt. DD was wearing an MCN and cos she'd been sitting in her capsule, she had a mark on her leg from it - i got told i was putting her in nappies that were too small and i needed to get her bigger nappies - she was two months old - those nappies still fit her comfortably at almost 6 months! grrrrr

[Megan]

Awww, Noah sounds so cute! Solids are sooooo messy, hey?

I am just happy the weather is warm so he can be stripped down when he eats now! If only i could take him outside and hose him down!

FG, We went and saw Michael Jackson at the movies. I love those sessions and try and get there every week if I can.
I have been pretty lucky with regards to negative comments. The only person who has made negative comments so far is MIL, but that's her nature. She's never one to point out the good in anything. The last time she did it, I told her if she had nothing good to say then dont say anything at all. (I was sleep deprived and she told me he was starving at 4 months old because he was only getting breastmilk, and she kept waving cheese in front of him like she was going to feed him) She's been fine since, but some people just need to be told to back off. I'm lucky in that I have a good friend who did everything I havent (ff, disposables, jarred food, cio) but she's supportive and always says what a great job we're doing. Sometimes you really need to hear that.

I have my hands full with a wriggly baby so better go...

[TaRhLi.]

Hi Everyone

I hope all you girls in the south east are o.k in this constant heat we are having. I've been stuck inside pretty much all week with the a/c on.

Anyway, really tired at the moment. We are going through a rough patch at the moment, Tara is only sleeping for about 30 minutes at a time and not in her bassinet, she wants to be held to sleep and she wants a feed every 2 hours as well. It is making it pretty hard as she is taking about an hour to feed, so not getting much time in between to do things apart from prepare the next batch of bottles for her.

Last night she had a feed at 1am and didn't go back to sleep at all and was awake til her 4am feed and then only slept for 3 hours after that feed. I would have thought she would be exhausted today. We have also decided to try her in her cot in her own room tonight and not in the bassinet in our room, we thought this might be better as she really thrashes her arms and legs around when she sleeps and we think she keeps waking herself up (that's when she does sleep) by hitting the sides of the bassinet. Poor DH is really shattered as he had to work last night and got home at 12.45am in time for her feed and then with her not sleeping he only managed about 4 hours last night. We have a queen bed in Tara's room (it is also our spare room) so if she is having another bad night tonight at least I can get some sleep in her room shile DH also catches up on sleep as well.

She will be 5 weeks on Monday, so was wondering if anyone else went through something similar around this time. I've been reading that they can be unsettled for a few days around 6 weeks due to a growth spurt, do you think she is going through it early???

[Lily Dust]

Thanks heaps for the warm welcome everyone!

Neptune- I know how you feel with the breastfeeding, we had so much trouble in the start I thought the gash in my nipple was so deep it was going to fall off! You do what is going to work for you, we did and now everything is great. DD did take a good 5 weeks to get it all worked out but now is great. I have been expressing out of my left only until we can get it all healed and feeding solely from the right. We may end up never going back to the left but hey if we're happy......you are so great for trying that hard in the first place! I agree though it would be nice to know that it isnt always this perfectly natural and easy thing to do, we had even attempted a breast crawl and DD just simply had no freakin idea at all! Lucky she isnt a kangaroo.

Janie71- I cant believe how much a little one develops in just a few short months! Your little one sounds to be so busy and she's just 7 mths old! It all sounds so beautiful.

Megan- What a great idea a mum and bub movie session! Haven't heard of anything like that before. Sounds like a nice way to spend a few hours.

Farmgirl- wow! My hat goes off to you a 6 hr trip solo- well done! I agree with people always pointing out the worst in what people do, very rarely do you get any praise or a pat on the back albeit even a little nod of acknowledgment! I cant even remember how many time is 6 weeks Ive been told how wrong I do most things, dont pick her up all the time, dont use powder, only feed her like this, blah blah blah....

Hi Marcellus, Briggsys girl , KellyD and anyone I have missed! Gotta go, have a hungry little girl.

[onthefly]

Yes Kelly, that's quite normal at that age! Just do whatever works best for your little one to survive it - it will get better...Do you have any family or friends who can help out during the day so you can grab some rest? A couple of hours here or there can make a real difference.

Sounds like you're tuning out the "blah blah" lily dust - good for you

I hosed A off the other day...

So true BG! I always forget how different it is in small towns and rural areas.

And us - A is grizzly and had a bad night last night. back to normal again maybe those teeth are finally making a move

Hi to everyone else

[TaRhLi.]

Thanks Marcellus, at least I'm not going crazy.

Unfortunately I don't really have any help close by. My parents live about 30 minutes away but they are elderly and can't really help much with the baby and all our friends are in Melbourne and we live 30 minutes west of Ballarat so it is pretty much just DH & me alone. DH wants me to try and leave her to cry herself back to sleep when she wakes, but it is so hard to hear her screaming knowing that if I sit with her and give her hugs she will go back to sleep. Here's hoping this faze doesn't last too long, but I'm scared as we are going out for lunch tomorrow with DH's brother & SIL and I'm dreading that she will be unsettled and scream the restaurant down..

[briggsy's girl]

cry it out/controlled crying won't work when they're that young hun - all it will do is stress you both out far too much - it's not worth it. yeah, it seems that your baby is demanding - but she is just a baby - and they do get heaps better i promise! E was very similar at that age - they are learning so much, and the world seems like a big scary place! don't let people tell you to leave her cry if you don't want to, don't let them tell you to not answer her. she can't say "mummy, can i please have a cuddle" all she can do is cry. they don't cry for no reason - even if that reason is just because they're feeling a bit scared. it's trying, but it gets easier - and when they're a bit older and the only cuddles you get are the ones they decide you're entitled to - and even those ones are half hearted "you're closer to something i want to get at" cuddles... it's worth it to have them now

ooh, at around 5-6weeks, your bubba is going to go through a wonder week - a huge developmental leap - there are a lot of behaviours that go with wonder weeks - including loss of appetite or slower feeding cos they just want the comfort of having the nipple/bottle there, sleep issues, clingyness... for your early wonder weeks, it will probably only last a few days - with later ones it can be a couple of weeks of regression on a lot of things. if you can get your hands on the book "the wonder weeks" (vanderijt and plooij) you will read about the weeks and you'll see them happening. it might also help for your DH to read so that he understands. my copy arrived when DD was coming up to her week 12 WW and i watched her going through things as i was reading about them - it's fairly accurate - and simple to read!

gotta go - bbl - DD has decided that watching daddy cook isn't cutting it!

[onthefly]

Oh yes, well said BG!
Your baby is just being a baby and when you cuddle her to soothe her you are just being a mummy .
Sorry to hear you're all alone - that is really tough!

As for going out with her - you might find she's quiet and happy when out, but then a screaming mess at home. At that age they can get really overwhelmed with new places & experiences and the stress builds up in them until they're somewhere they feel safe (ie, at home in mum's arms) and then they let it all out! Hope you have a nice lunch.

[TaRhLi.]

Thanks for your words of wisdom BG and Marcellus, it is a relief to know that what we are experiencing is normal.

I've ordered the book as you advised, just checking out the website says that the first wonder week is at 5 weeks (sometimes 4) so would seem to fit perfectly where we are at. Luckily Belly Belly had the book in stock so hopefully will get very soon to know about all the changes expected over the next year or so. Finally managed to get Tara to sleep and in her cot as well, hopefully she has a good nights sleep.

[sazzafrazz]

Hi everyone and welcome to all the newcomers.. and congratulations!

I haven't been on for a long time. Just busy with life stuff and avoiding some things on here which I've struggled with.

I've read back quite a few pages but can't remember who was saying what!
RE the feeding thing: I too couldnt believe how difficult it was and why nobody tells you it probably will be! DD was very small and tired and wouldnt attach properly. I was really struggling with trying to attach, ending up EBM feeding then getting the pumping done and washed up for the next feed while trying to deal with visitors EVERY DAY for 2 weeks. These were visitors to DD not the kind who come and do your washing or dishes for you! Anyhow we got there in the end with a bit of an intervention at the hospital when I readmitted to sort it out. Feedlines, nipple shields etc aaaarrrgh, so glad that's in the past. It's terrible the pressure people feel to get it right! I was very lucky that I had great supply but I did really struggle again when DD decided to wean after my cycle returned. It took 6weeks of biting and tears before I realised she was serious, we both dreaded feeds and I thought "It's not meant to be like this". I was extremely sad but once I made the decision to wean I was quite relieved that we could go back to enjoying feed time.

As for positive/negative comments: I'm in a small town also, and only one MCHN who is a negative type, always focussing on a problem, not the good things. It wasnt till I took Celeste for her 18month check and got a fill in that I heard lots of positive things about what I've been doing for her and how her development was. She even down played one or two negative things that the other woman would have concentrated on. It was so refreshing and I came away actually feeling really proud of us both! I have been amazed by the rudeness of some people though who feel the right to say whatever they like, without invitation.

I also have no family here, and most friends are busy with their own children or working so that I have only just started to have time away from Celeste in the past couple of months (after 18months of age) by leaving her at a family day care lady we know, one morning a fortnight. It's been good for both of us. Since then I have returned to work part time, in the evenings, and DH is having to do the parenting thing on his own those nights too so he has a better understanding of what I "cope with" usually.

I too, put a lot of pressure on myself with what I expect regarding parenting and the household etc. In the early weeks C had terrible colic for up to 6hours an evening till aged about 10weeks. It was very hard as I couldnt put her down, + dh couldt help. I certainly understand and feel for those of you with a screaming baby, it sends the stress levels to new heights!!!! I felt I had had a good day if the nappies got washed and hung out and the dishwasher was run. It was hard to go out in public. As she got older I found other times more challenging in some ways but easier in others. Now she is an active almost 22month old and I still struggle to get things done some days! I can hardly believe she is that same person as all those months ago.

As for sleep: C slept sooo much as a new baby and I thought it was my reward for the terrible early weeks! We did have some tough times though around 3 to 6months and again after 12months. She still wakes 2 or more times a night whereas she slept through for months at a time in her first year!

Celeste has recently decided to begin toilet training, halfheartedly. She has had some success but is taking things very slowly. We are enjoying tantrums every day but also some of the most angelic, beautiful behaviour too: She recently began saying "Luff you"

Her language is booming and it's so much fun having real conversations with her being able to tell me things she is thinking about, remembering or feeling. She even did a re-enactment for DH of when she had a massive stack on a gravel driveway, saying "fall, floor, sore, sad" and doing an over dramatised fall down. Hillarious!!!

Gosh I've blabbed on there, sorry! For those struggling with feeding, sleep or crying babies, take heart! It will get easier. You will look back and wonder how you got through it and be amazed at how far you have come.

I'm planning on making a more regular visit now so I hope to BBsoon!

Sazz

[butterfly_warrior]

I've been reading, but not in the right headspace to say much. I can empathise with those having sleeping troubles - Sam's been very on/off with his day sleeps, but I've found most things pass with time, so hang in there.

Anyway, mostly just wanted to say hi to Sazz - long time no see, but so good to see you back again.

BW

[Neptune]

Hi girls

Thanks so much for the warm welcome!

I can't believe my little boy will be one month tomorrow! I can definitely feel some pressure lifting and perhaps a pattern emerging which is wonderful, and a little bit more confidence in reading his cues and responding. Still struggling with the breast feeding, but still expressing and he is getting probably 50% breast milk and 50% formula. He is thriving, so the guilt is slowly dissipating. Not sure whether my milk is starting to dry up, but I only need to express now every 4 to 5 hours rather than every 2, but getting much more volume this way anyway. Anyway, both me and Adam are happier at the moment. I've got him in the sling at the mo which is a bonus as it leaves my hands free to get stuff done!

Sleeping so far I can't complain. He goes down to sleep anywhere between 8pm to 10pm and is awake 4 to 5 hours later, then another 3 hours after that. I hope this continues for a while as I feel reasonably well rested, but I know I shouldn't get m,y hopes up that this is a pattern.

Struggling a bit with the enormity of the whole thing and not being able to get much done, so trying to accept that I just can't do what I want to do (God, I know how selfish that sounds, but it's the truth). Just to get in the shower for 5 minutes is heaven.

Love to all, still trying to get to know you all, I will catch up.

[TaRhLi.]

Hi Everyone

Neptune: Good to hear that Adam is thriving on both B/M and formula. Hope you can get things sorted soon so you can start to feel more normal, although if Adam goes through this first growth stage like Tara is at the moment you won't have any time to yourself.

BG are you out there???? Another question about these wonder weeks. Tara has now become so clingy that she will not sleep unless she is being held by either me or DH. And with DH working it is coming down to me all day and also during the nights. I currently have her in a baby carrier at the moment and she has been asleep for about 1 1/2 hours, the only other time she slept today was in the car when I went into town (1hr round trip). She was even unsettled in her pram and was only content when we were moving. How did you manage this at the same age with E?? I have found that having a shower consist of her being in her cot screaming, if I didn't leave her then I would never get a chance to shower at all. Last night she had a good sleep of 4 hours in her cot, but after her feed, she only slept for about 45mins and when she stirred she realised I wasn't there and the screaming started, this only stopped when I went to her and picked her up. At 6.30 this morning I was so tired I put her in bed with us and she was happy to sleep so long as she was tucked up against me. When DH got up I moved to get more comfortable which broke the touch and bang.... awake screaming her head off. I think all up today before this sleep on me she has slept for a total of 1 1/2 hours from 8.30am - 4.30pm. I would have thought she would be exhausted and just crash anywhere, but no luck..

Sorry for the huge me post, I'm just really looking for ideas to get through this 1st transition period without going insane.

[briggsy's girl]

in all honesty, i went with it. if she wanted to be close, i let her be close. i co slept with her for those really bad nights (cos the couple of times i didn't, and got to sleep at 6, only to be woken at 8, didn't leave me a happy lady!). when i was cosleeping though, as soon as she was in a deep sleep, i would move her just away from me, so she was nearby, but not right beside me. DH was working away at the time, so i had no at-home support - i just did what i could. showers - well, i'd have them when i could. usually in the early hours of the morning when i got her back into a deep sleep, i'd jump in the shower. sometimes she'd end up crying, but not allways. we have an ensuite so i would hear if she got worked up. it's not ideal, but it works. now she has showers with DH rather than baths, so we all tend to shower at the same time, then she has a feed and off to sleep...

i survived using the mantra "this too shall pass"...

ETA - DD's wonder week antics really DO only last a week or so - that early one was only about four or five days - so it does pass quickly hun.