Murph - Given that you have said you are not close with this lady, but enough so that it matters - if I were that lady I think I would appreciate a quick phone call. Keeping it simple and not apologising would mean the most to me. "Hi soandso. It's me, Murph. I just quietly wanted to let you know that our last round of IVF was successful and I didn't want you to hear it through the grapevine."

I think with a phone call you will allow her to save face - ie: she can get off the phone asap if she gets upset and you have done the decent thing by not letting her find out through others. It will alos give her an opportunity to let you know that she's ok with it. You would be able to tell striaght away from her reaction.

One question for you - how would you want to find out if it were the other way around? I know that you may not have the same hang ups as this friend, but I guess you can only start from there and work out a solution.

I would find a note very hurtful. If I got a note it would be more diffcult because 1. it would be a shock you sent me a note about news like that and 2. it would be something that I would read over and over again.

Anyway - just my 2 cents worth - I don't envy you.

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