hey murph, that is a tough one. but i think just letting her figure it out would be pretty insensitive given you are obviously concerned about the lady.
at the end of the day,she is the one with the issue about it. don't let it become your problem and i completely understand the resnentful comment. i'm sure we all understand where she's coming from as well.
i like the note idea. it's not like you are best buddies. i'd write the note and tell her you understand it's difficult for her and you are there if she needs to talk. she might not react like she did to her friend's announcement as she knows what you've been through. maybe it might instead give her hope and joy for you... don't underestimate her just yet me thinks.
let us know what you do and how it turns out... good luck hon.
thanks BG - question though what's mpm and where is that (i know, idiot). and what does mcn stand for in the nappy discussions. i tried to find it in the abbreviation help but couldn'. yeah, i was going to go to a big shop and scope out all the stuff we want/need with prices then look for deals on line and elsewhere. i'm hanging out to start buying stuff....
bel - i only know of your journey from what i picked up in your post but BIG congrats for yoru courage and strength. that's an awfully long time to be stuck in hosp, i really admire you and hope you make your 34wks. ox
thankx miss magpie - yep, had a lay down this arvo (still in bed ) and feel better. really went down hill at work though with bit of a temp, shakiness, lots of dizziness and just feeling really off color. had to come home, again. one day i'll make it 8 hrs... just not sure when that'll be.
You girls are the best. Thanks so much for your cheers and support. Your posts have bought tears to my eyes...
Murph- Gee that's a tough one. I too would probably write a nice card to her so you actually get to tell her before she finds out another way. I know she says she doesn't want to know about people who are pg, but it might hurt her more if the news doesn't come directly from you. Maybe you could write something like..
"You are such a dear friend to me and I really value your friendship, so I wanted to tell you myself before you found out, that we are expecting a baby. I understand this is going to be very hard for you and understand that you might need to distance yourself from me. But I am always here when you need a friend or when you feel able to spend time with me and I would love to offer you support on your journey"
Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you and DH in your situation, but I always feel honesty is best. Hope you figure it out xxx
Murph - Given that you have said you are not close with this lady, but enough so that it matters - if I were that lady I think I would appreciate a quick phone call. Keeping it simple and not apologising would mean the most to me. "Hi soandso. It's me, Murph. I just quietly wanted to let you know that our last round of IVF was successful and I didn't want you to hear it through the grapevine."
I think with a phone call you will allow her to save face - ie: she can get off the phone asap if she gets upset and you have done the decent thing by not letting her find out through others. It will alos give her an opportunity to let you know that she's ok with it. You would be able to tell striaght away from her reaction.
One question for you - how would you want to find out if it were the other way around? I know that you may not have the same hang ups as this friend, but I guess you can only start from there and work out a solution.
I would find a note very hurtful. If I got a note it would be more diffcult because 1. it would be a shock you sent me a note about news like that and 2. it would be something that I would read over and over again.
Anyway - just my 2 cents worth - I don't envy you.
Ouch! So much to consider. Thanks for your ideas..gotta love Belly Belly. I think that Nixon, your advice was the hardest to take because truth is hard to face. I never considered the shock issue and the rereading of the note. she is a lovely woman, we're not close though and I can understand what she is feeling. Well it was a tough field, but the chocolate frog goes to...Nixon...would you take a big thanx instead
Gosh it's been busy in here. I'll catch up on personals soon, just wanted to pop in. Had a bad couple of days with work stresses and hormones causing havoc and basically had a breakdown yesterday. I think all the pressures of IVF, then early pg and the fears and then the realisation that there is avtaully going to be a baby have all hit...
Anyway, 1 good thing from today... Had our second OB appointment today, bubble was happy chilling out sucking his thumb, so go to see. Also our Downs results are in and based on my age the risk would be 1:189 but our number came out at 1:1790 and for trisomy 18 (sp?) my age risk was 1:180 and the result was 1:24600. So am definitely low risk and don't need further testing. My pg friend who had high risk Downs had her amnio on Tuesday, she said it was ok and because of having the amnio she was able to find out the sex early (16 weeks, it's a boy by the way) but won't know the real Downs result for another 2 weeks/ I don't know if I could cope with having to wait so long to know...
Bel- I am so happy with how far you have come....and I want to tell you again how much I admire your strength, courage and positive attitude and the graceful way you have handled being in hospital for so long on top of your already difficult journey. Yay for you and your prince and princess! You are an inspiration and so deserve your two little miracles who will just get the best mummy!
I heard a very sad story today about a distant friend of mine...she just gave birth to stillborn twins at 24 weeks on a plane on an international flight! I cannot imagine the pain she must be feeling, or how traumatic that would have been on the plane.
Murph- I too think a quick phone call would be good. And make it really clear in the call that you know it will be hard for her to hear, and you are conscious of that and simply wanted her not to hear on the grapevine as that would be even harder. I think that from where I am currentlysitting....which is in a place where I find it hard to hear friends are pregnant, simply because although I am glad for them, it really hurts me.... I would have to say that people acknowledging that it might be difficult for me would make it easier....it would show me they are sensitive and understand and make it easier for me to then try and be with them, and support them, if that makes sense.
sending all of you the very best. So many of you are so close now.
I do keep reading to see how you are all traveling
Oh bel your post gave me goose bumps and tears.
Congrtas on making a awesome effort to get this far.
Those little one have a great mum!
Keep up the good work.xxx
No worries Murph - Good luck with it and let us know how you get on. I hope I didn't sound harsh - I wasn't trying to judge how you suggested handling the situation with the note - just trying to give you a different perspective.
Bel - So glad things are progressing for you. You may have to consider names like Rocky or Maggie (million dollar baby) for your little ones because they are both little fighters who won't give up.
Kellyd - I had breakdowns early on and still have breakdowns every now. Had one the night before last in fact. I pushed everything down into a tiny ball of emotion when we were TTC. I just got on and did what had to be done without letting myself feel anything while all of that prodding and poking and injection was going on. Then one day it just layed me out flat. TKO for Nixon. Just let it come when it comes - trust me, it will come again. Worst thing you can do is fight it and try to carry on like everything is ok. Acknowledge the pain, fear, anxiety and then let it go.
Possums - big hugs luv. Hope you are doing good.
Miss Magpie - good luck for Monday - hopefully you'll get another peek at the baby pie. I think the name thing gets harder the closer you get to B-day. I dream about names most nights now.
NicS - How's the Mat leave treating you? Are you bored yet or keeping busy?
BG - Hope the Chiro sorted out your pain.
Mels - hello sweets, belly rubs.
Hi to anyone else I have missed. No other news from me. 8 days and counting.....
Just a quick question. Is is safe to eat pizza during pregnancy? Not home-made ones, but from the pizza shop. Im mostly concerned with the ham aspect. All their ingredients just sit their unrefrigerated so the risk of listeria/bacteria would be high I thought. I ordered a VERY basic one the other week with just fresh tomato, mushrooms and herbs but Im off to a friends place tomorrow to watch the big ANZAC day footy clash and they are ordering pizzas in to eat. I LOVE ham and meat in general and my all time FAVOURITE pizza is meat lovers However I dont want to eat anything thats going to risk my babies health in any way.
Tania- I would just order a vegetarian or a margharita pizza if in that situation. I've eaten both these types of pizza since being pg. My advice would just be to stay clear of the meat. Hope that helps xx
Hey Nic, only 8 sleeps to go...woo hoo
Have you finished bubs room?
As for being home, I love it!!
I tend to have mini missions on some days and then have a couple of days home.
Like today OB and Hair cut then spend tomorrow at home.
Don't rely on day time tv...it really is hopeless
Tania, as Bel said stay clear of meat pizzas...but to be honest I think I really didn't notice too much on the meat side of pizza as it is very small amount on each slice.
At the end of the day do what you are comfortable with.
AFM, saw OB today and bubs is still head down bum up so let's hope we stay there.
Baby Shower this Sunday which should be lots of fun, sort of weird going to your own baby shower when you always tend to go to everyone else's.
Nicole - enjoy every minute of your baby shower on Sunday Hope you get some nice things.
Murph - hope all goes well with telling your neighbour your news. I initially thought the note was a good idea but when NIxon mentioned the whole part about reading it over and over again, I think a phone call is a lot better idea. Good luck
KellyD - glad all went well with your test and that your a low risk. Hope your feeling less stressed today. Take care.
Possums - sorry to hear that your friend lost her twins. What a tragedy And happening on a plane too, how awful. Hope your travelling ok.
AFM, Im off to the Maternity Unit open day on Sunday at South Eastern Hospital. My DP's sister had her 2 kids there and both her and my DP were born there so it comes highly recommended. Plus my OB works out of there too.
Hi Nixon..no your message wasn't harsh at all, just the implication of the effect it might have. I hadn't thought of it that way and it helped me to decide against that option (the note). I will give her a call next week and let you know how it goes.
Wow you have only 8 days til count down. I hope it doesn't rush by and you have lots of time to be calm and prepared. Good luck.
KellyD, sorry to hear about your little meltdown, Nixon's right though, it happens to all of us. My first was actually the day I had the pg confirmed, I broke down at my clinic and all the staff thought I had bad news. I think it's just that we let it all build up for so long like Nic said and even when we have good news, we're still expecting it won't last. I don't think you can under estimate the effect of all that injecting, waiting, hoping, crazy messing with your hormones. You're barely out of that and you are expected to deal with all that pregnancy throws at you and you just don't have time to adjust. I think I am too scared to really let go and cry, I really haven't broken down yet, but I know my time will come again...and again. Let it out and I hope you feel better.
BG, in all my posts I was thinking of you and how crook you were sounding but I never mentioned you . i hope you are feeling more comfortable and are getting through the lousy time you've had lately. How was the chiro? wow you sound uncomfortable, I hope you got some relief.
Miss Magpie (so it is a footy connection hey?) In a former life as a Victorian we would have been arch rivals...I was a Bombers girl until Rugby league converted me in my 20's, now I have no time for any code, drugs and rubbish just killed it all for me. go the Dalai Lama I say!But for you I'll say..go the Pies (or the pizzas)!!
have a good weekend everyone. Look forward to celebrating your new milestones next week.x0
Bel - so lovely to hear from you. I'm sure i'm not alone when I say that I think of you often and admire the strength and positivity you've shown through such a hard time. I haven't told you this until now, and I feel I can now because you're on the home straight, but a friend of mine had twins at only 24 weeks, and guess what? They're doing absolutely fine. AOK. A bit small, but perfectly packaged.
Murph - I totally agree with Nic. I think it's best for you to actually tell her. It will be hard, and I'm sure you'll be nervous as anything picking up that phone, but I think it's the respectful way to do it. But what Bel suggested in her note, you could definitely say - I think it will be really important to her that she knows you are aware that it might change things between you for a while. If you give her permission to feel like this, then the guilt, pain and anger on both sides can be mitigated (not entirely perhaps, but somewhat).
Nic - so soon!!!! So so exciting. I love you baby name idea. What a perfect way to choose. I am driving DH nuts with baby name chat. He thinks it's too early to talk about it but I reckon it can't be early enough! I am dead set on 2 girl names, but am having much more difficulty finding boys names I love.
Possums - hello! I think of you often as well. Wishing all the best of luck this time.
Kelly - I totally agree - let it come when it comes. You have been through such a lot - physically and emotionally, and it's totally ok to feel all of those things. Just be kind to yourself.
Tania - enjoy that veggie pizza!
Nicole - glad bubs is facing the right way!
Grub - hope you're feeling better
Hi BG, Hi Smithy, and hi to everyone else (sorry have run out of brainpower and always forget someone!!)
JEN... thanks for thinking of me hun ,i hope all is well with you and your bubs xxoo.
NIC S... way to go with bub still being head down hun..now stay there sweet bubba .
NIX.. not long now darlin ,best of luk .
to all you girls happy baking your bubs
thinking of you all
WAY TO GO BEL ON GETTING TO 30 WEEKS HUN
And happening on a plane too, how awful. Hope your travelling ok.
to everyone else. Hope you have a good weekend 
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