Possums, my DH won't allow me to see him in pain very often - i can see it in his eyes, but he won't openly grieve unless i have fallen apart and have pretty much walked away from him cos i think he's not there for me. i know he feels the pain, but he won't express it at all as he feels he needs to be strong for me. i don't agree, but hey, i can't change who he is! the only time he allows me to see him vulnerable is about his parents, and his dogs - because that is HIS pain and i can be the strong one then - when it's OUR pain, he tries to be my rock - sometimes i need him to be soft and squishy and not so rock-like though...