Thanks girls. I appreciate your support. Although I don't have a mean mum, she is just distant and I really don't think its intentional. Skittlebub, I am sorry for your situation. I think that is much worse than having a mum that is just tuned out.
I have tried to talk to her and I ended up having to be really blunt with her. But she behaves a bit like a child. She just listens to what she wants to and ignores the rest. I am starting to think its the beginings of dementia or something. I would love to spend more time with my MIL as she has the natural maternal instinct. She has bought so much for the baby already. She got singlets and stuff that will be useful when having a baby in the middle of summer. DH was born January 8 so she remembers what it was like being pregnant in summer etc. And she is 65! My mum wanted to buy something for the baby but she wont just buy something on her own she asks me what should she buy. Well I guess I am asking too much for a little common sense since I have never had a baby before and have no idea what I need. In the end I just pointed at a cute beanie I saw and she got that. At least MIL thinks and gets something that is useful.

The one thing I have done wrong is compare my mum to my MIL. And thats not fair. My MIL is great and lives for her kids. My mum is a person who is loving but lives for herself and always has done. Her needs always come first and her mind is a mess with all the things she thinks about in her life, its a no wonder she doesn't have room to think of anyone else.

I think the expectations I had on my mum are way to high. I have to accept things the way they are and adjust. Just not what I would have liked. But at least DH is making up for it. He is wonderful and couldn't live without him!