Here , Here. I am not going to say my parents did a bad job. I do believe they did the best they could. But my parents are very much the opposite of how I want to be a parent. My dad never showed us hardly any affection. A bear hug every now and then was a treat I looked forward to. In fact I can barely remember him being around. He never came to school activities and neither did mum from what I can remember. She would do pony club with me etc but that was because it was an interest she shared. Dad came to a show once but did not stay long. We were always burdened with the family finances for as long as I can remember and when I first started working I used to hid the new shoes or clothes I would buy myself cause we always got hit with the guilt trip of hoe many bills were due and that they would like new things too but had to pay bills. We always paid board as soon as we started working and we had to share the bills and buy our own toiletries. So saving was something we could never do as kids. I paid for all my horses and their needs myself, which took a lot of what little income I was earning as a check out chick. I always hear that parents are still helping their adult kids with money. My SIL wouldn't be where she is today without the hand outs she gets from her parents. DH doesn't get the hand outs cause he is a boy and now that we are married they assume we don't need any help (go figure). But I can only remember once or twice that I borrowed money from my folks but I assure you it had to be paid back. I guess this has made me more smarter with money and responsabilities although sometimes I felt it was a bit tough as a kid to be weighed down so much with the financial responsabilities of my parents.
That I will never do to my child. They will learn to respect money, but I will never use guilt trips on them and make them feel bad for enjoying their earnings.
to you puppies. My mum wasn't involved at all. I didn't really expect it though, so it wasn't a shock, although it still niggled at me sometimes. There was ONCE she said oh I guess I should take you shopping and get a car seat or something then huh. I told her not to bother...lol. She's more involved when she sees Oskar now though, but that still holds a sore point for me cos she hardly did anything with Joshua at the same age - go figure!!
Anyway, I don't know what to say that may help. Could you possibly tell her a little how you are feeling? Another for you, hope you feel better.
My mother did buy some things for DS - while I did appreciate things like the moses basket, bedding for the cotbed I'd bought and changetable, I didn't appreciate being made to change my mind over the bedding I wanted because it wasn't "cute enough" or "colourful enough" for a baby. I wanted soft pastels, not bold jungle animals!
But supportive involvement all went to my cousin. My mum did her gardening even! MiL was nice and friendly, but she had a granddaughter already so was more involved in her. My mother also told me I wasn't as big as I should be, I didn't feel kicks when we'd SEEN the things, that I didn't want to do breastfeeding, cloth nappies, co-sleeping or demand feeding, let alone look after my DS when he cried... She just seems to be the polar opposite parent to me. Which has caused more distance between us because I'm doing it "wrong"... personally, I want my DS to love me and WANT to spend time with me, not remember a mummy always too busy for him with cleaning or other people. I think it makes you a better person not having Mummy run around after you, but that's my biased opinion.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks