Are you telling people the gender?

[surprised]

Hi all,

So we've found out the gender of our baby. Now the big question is - do we tell people?

I've already lied to a friend and said that we didn't know (and felt really awful later! She asked me if I knew and it just popped out - I think I was worried her next question would be "what is it?"). I'm sure she will laugh when I tell her eventually, but it made me realise that I don't want to make a habit out of it!

Yesterday in a shop (baby-related shopping) the lady asked me if I knew what I was having, and I said yes, but I wasn't sure if we were going to tell people. About 2 mins later she asked what I was having! I told her, but I felt like she really shouldn't have asked! (Although a shop assistant who I will never see again knowing the gender of my baby isn't a huge deal in the scheme of things). But it made me realise that some people will directly ask what I'm having.

Then last night I ran into some old friends and they asked if I knew, and I said yes but that we were still deciding whether to tell people. And they were TOTALLY fine and were like "oh of course" and didn't expect me to tell them.

So I guess I've had 3 very different experiences, and it's only been a week! We still don't know whether to tell people, as we're worried they won't be as excited when it eventually comes if they already know what it is! But I have some family members who are itching to start shopping (although I really prefer gender-neutral clothes anyway) and I have some with the same gender kids as we're having who will save clothes etc if they know they can pass them on to us.

So my questions are:
- What are the pros and cons of telling people?
- What did you decide to do and why?
- How do you handle questions you don't want to answer without embarrassing the asker (I think some people ask what you're having out of genuine excitement, rather than to be rude).

Thanks for reading!

[barney]

yep this is a hard one ...well not for me i just blurt and tell everyone anyway lol..
but i do find it a bit rude when total strangers ask me though ,like whats it to ya ...
anyway sweets i have no advice just wanted to say good luk .

[Jaffaz]

I'm in the same position. With DS we found out and were happy to tell friends/family that we knew but not to say what we were having, however by the end everyone had picked up on a comment or something along the way and it was common knowledge that we were having boy.

This time round we again wanted to know but have decided to keep it to ourselves, so we have told a little white lie and said that we don't know. I know with friend who have found out, but haven't told it has always been fairly easy to guess based on comments they have made so I think a little white lie doesn't hurt.

As far as pros and cons, I always get a little bit more excited waiting for baby news from family/friends when I don't know what they are having, but that is just me. And getting present in neutral colours can be a good thing if you plan to have more babies!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

[Jennifer13]

We found out, told everyone and then once we decided on the name, told them that too. It ended my stoopid MIL's constant comments about us having a boy and then shut her up from wanting us to use her name as our DD's name. Those weren't the only benefits - but were good! Also put a stop to all and sundry who constantly told me I must be having a boy because I carried small and all out in front.

On the plus side, when we found we were having a girl, some beautiful friends (the husband of whom we asked to be DD's godfather) sent us a dozen red roses to congratulate us on expecting a girl. It was also a huge bonus for DP, who really wanted a girl. It was like we got to celebrate both her impending arrival and then her birth.

Getting ready for her and knowing we only had to choose a girl's name (we had no end of trouble deciding!) were also pluses.

She was the first grandchild (both sides) and our first child. I don't think we could have spoiled the surprise at finally meeting her whatever we chose to do. Each to their own though!

[Feijoa Mum]

well as we already have 4 boys it is only natural that people were going to ask us and to be honest I am so pleased that I dont mind screaming it fromt he roof tops.

However number 4 was a different story. I think people almost went into mourning for us and the looks of sympathy and sadness were pretty hard to deal with.
I had a few days of it myself coming to terms with another boy but soon realised that he was healthy and that was all that mattered at the end of the day and besides we couldnt change it!
But looks comments and expressions made it alot harder so I stopped telling people in the end. I had complete strangers telling me oh its ok you can try again and I hated it.
Its up to you, If you want it to be a secret so be it. They can like it or lump it!

[BekZ]

I am a bit of a tell all person when it comes to bubs gender. Like Allboys I found telling ppl with #3 a little dishearting when I got negative or sympathetic responses. If I have another bub (a big if) I won't be telling anyone.

From a spectators perspective I like it when my friends keep the gender a surprise, it is more exciting! Although I do get jealous (just a little) when someone has a boy lol.

Goodluck...Just stick to your guns and politely tell ppl that you want everyone to have a surprise.... So your not telling nanana..na..na

[Spring Angel]

We know and haven't told.

I like the idea of keeping it a total surprise and most in my family/friends don't ask.

When nosey parkers ask what we are having I just reply 'A baby' (lol).

We also don't discuss specific names we've chosen, like to keep it all a big surprise.

Spring x

[Lenny]

With DS I decided that I wanted to know - but i wanted to keep it a secret. I ended up telling everyone on BB () and my ob...and then my sister (cos she is the only family that is nearby and she saw all the blue stuff!). So, in the end we told everyone.

With my current pg, DH and I decided to tell people that we are expecting a boy. BUT...I wish we hadn't. People can't keep their opinions to themselves, and seem genuinely disappointed for us that we aren't having a girl!

I'm glad I know, but I think I could have easily kept quiet/secret on the gender.

I think you have the right attitude to the whole thing - I don't think people mean to be rude, they are just interested and excited for you.

[Cass72]

well as we already have 4 boys it is only natural that people were going to ask us and to be honest I am so pleased that I dont mind screaming it fromt he roof tops.

However number 4 was a different story. I think people almost went into mourning for us and the looks of sympathy and sadness were pretty hard to deal with.
I had a few days of it myself coming to terms with another boy but soon realised that he was healthy and that was all that mattered at the end of the day and besides we couldnt change it!
But looks comments and expressions made it alot harder so I stopped telling people in the end. I had complete strangers telling me oh its ok you can try again and I hated it.
Its up to you, If you want it to be a secret so be it. They can like it or lump it!

How can people assume you are disappointed? My FIL asked outright last night (he stayed at our place last night and couldn't help but notice that the nursery is definately made up for a boy) if we were disappointed about having a boy [DH has a son and a daughter and I have a son]. I said so what's so special about girls? How can we possibly be disappointed - he's perfect! The funniest comment was from my SIL when she said, oh you should have a girl. Um, okay, so I can just choose what gender my baby will be or can we change it at this late stage????? Go figure - people are weird!

I'm glad we aren't telling people - presuming my FIL can keep his trap shut.

UPDATE: Okay, so FIL obviously can't keep his trap shut!! DH was speaking with SIL last night who said, "oh dad said you're having a boy" (and some "are you disappointed questions"). She will by now have told the rest of DH's family. I rang my mum to have a whinge who told me that it doesn't matter and try not to let it worry me, but she did agree that he had no right to tell our secret.