23 weeks today (Friday)

Watched Fast 5 last night on TV. I love the Fast and Furious movies. But every other time I have watched this one we were TTC or waititng to TTC and watching it last night just reminded me how much it hurt and how jealous I was of this fictional character being pregnant. It left me feeling cold and empty - Again. Still.
I really thought now that we had concieved Id be ok but I still feel that stab to the heart/ guts every time I see new babies, pregnant bellies, announcements, movies, etc.
Maybe its because I dont really feel like Im going to have a baby at the end of this. I look in the mirror/ look down and see my belly but it doesnt feel like mine, it feels like Im looking at someone elses body.
I feel the baby move but just dont connect the two. And even wonder if its just gas even though I can see babys movements through the skin.
I struggle to connect feeling crappy with it being worth it because of the reward at the end. You would think with the hip, back, pelvic pain, constant headaches, nausea and still occasional vomiting this would be feeling very real but I still feel like I need to do HPTs in case Im not really pregnant.
I feel awful that Im not connecting with this baby. I want her (another reality Im struggling to grasp despite being completely neutral about gender) to feel loved and wanted, because she is, but how can I feel that for someone I cant convince myself exists or will survive.
We still havent talked about names - DF has said he is waiting for me to bring it up but I just cant. We havent bought anything except a car seat - which was only because someone gifted us the money for it. We havent set up/ sorted/ cleaned anyrhing that will be used from when we had DS - DF is waiting for me to take the lead on this too, I dont think he really knows what I want done with it. Fair enough. But again, I just cant find the motivation or desire to do it. Its all just too hard.

Will this ever go away?
Every milestone that comes up I expect to come with a bit more acceptance, a bit more excitement but it never does. I dont know how I can fix this.