seeing my fat-a-phobic Ob tomorrow...stressed

[delphmoon]

*sigh*

Just need to get this out so I don't burst into tears when I talk to hubby about it.....

I have my 35 week appointment with by Ob tomorrow- I didn't choose him- I'm a public patient and he is the one I was 'allocated'.

Anyway...he is well known for his lack of tact when it comes to obese women and I'm expecting abit of a grilling tomorrow because he is a fat-a-phobic...

Hubby wants to come to the appointment, but I am soo embarrased by what my Ob potentially might say to me in relation to my weight. I am planning on telling DH he cant come tomorrow and I feel awful about it... its not fair on him and I'm too embarrassed to admit I am worried about the Ob talking about my weight.

silly I know- maybe I'm just hormonal?

Anyway- time to put DD1 to bed...just needed to get that out so thanks for reading

[~Kaz~]

not silly at all hun. I say let your DH come, he wants to be involved and maybe he'll have your back when the ob starts up? If your DH is going to be present during your labour (and I'm going to assume he is) then maybe his support and advocacy should start now?? Your DH loves you for you, he's not going to care about the passing comments of the ob and the ob might be less inclined to 'pick' on you (if I can put it that way) if your DH is there anyway.

You shouldn't be stressed about a 35 week appt hun and I'm sorry that you are. This is meant to be the exciting time! I hope it goes well tomorrow and that if the ob starts up, you can find the courage to tell them to back off.

[Bloom]

I so get you Delph! I had one MW who was thingy about weight too - I avoided booking appointments with her, even though I was meant to see her for every 3rd appointment I just "happened" to be busy on her appointment days so scheduled with one of my two other MWs.

My anti fat MW would sigh "oh I will have to get the extral large cuff to fit around your arm" (every other MW just used the normal cuff as I am between the sizes". And she would always ask about what I was eating and if I was walking a lot (I was going to the gym so at least I could answer that with pride!). But I left her appointments feeling ashamed and guilty. The worst was when she said that I should only gain 4kg for the rest of my pg and that was at 20 weeks! Um... can't see that happening! (And it didn't, but I'm dealing with it now...)

Anyway, you do what you need to do in order to get through your appointment. Don't bring DH unless you feel it will help.

:hugs:

Please post again to debrief after your visit!

[beansbeans!]

not silly at all hun. I say let your DH come, he wants to be involved and maybe he'll have your back when the ob starts up? If your DH is going to be present during your labour (and I'm going to assume he is) then maybe his support and advocacy should start now?? Your DH loves you for you, he's not going to care about the passing comments of the ob and the ob might be less inclined to 'pick' on you (if I can put it that way) if your DH is there anyway.

You shouldn't be stressed about a 35 week appt hun and I'm sorry that you are. This is meant to be the exciting time! I hope it goes well tomorrow and that if the ob starts up, you can find the courage to tell them to back off.

What Kaz said!
Take Dh and let him have your back when the ob starts, maybe that will put the ob in his place and off your back a little.

GL tomorrow!

[delphmoon]

Thanks girls

[human bean]

What about tackling it upfront at the beginning of the appointment? You bring it to the table - say 'listen you've pointed out such and such about my weight at previous visits, I'm aware that I'm heavier, there's no need to go over it again. Week 35, excitement is building, please don't give me grief as it's not magically going to change things in the next 5 weeks' or something to that effect?

I am always paranoid about weight comments, especially during my pregnancy (my Ob was pretty good) so I find if I bring it up first I'm more mentally prepared for any conversation that might follow. If that makes sense? And if you'd rather not have your DH there maybe just say you'll go on your own, but if you do want him to go just give him the heads up first, but like Bloom said, only if you think it will help.

Hope all goes really well tomorrow

[tellytubby]

Hi Delphmoon I have been quietly lurking in your posts, reading, but never posting. I'm just kind of feeling a need to post in here tonight... I can sense how stressed you are... that knot in your stomach

I really think you need to talk to your husband about it all. I know you don't want to let your guard down, but I think its necessary. He is your bestfriend, he will understand and support you. Just think.. how can he support you to his full potential, when you won't let him in? The ladies on this forum are fabulous, we will support you, share our also embarrasing stories - but your husband is the only one who can hold your hand during the appointment....

Let him in. Have a big ol' cry. Call the ob every nasty name under the sun with him. Let him go with you..

I also want to say how absolutley disgusted I am in your Ob. Pregnancy is not suppose to be this way. You should be enjoying every moment! I also had a nasty MW who made me feel far from welcome with my plus size figure. It plain old sucks.

Always here if you need to chat. Pm me xxxooo

[LionsandBears]

I'm so sorry this OB is being nasty to you. Is there anyway you can ask to see a different one?

Take your DH. Word him up on your fear so he can support you. I dont think it's best you go in there on your own. Assuming your DH is supportive, which he sounds like.
Human Bean's advice is good about tackling it upfront. Maybe write some notes before you go to help you at your appt.

I wonder if this would be of any use. Take a notepad and note down everytime the OB mentions your weight during the time vs other items. You may want to point it out to him there at the end. Or you may want to keep it to yourself for now.

[delphmoon]

Thankyou for the advice girls.

I am soo cross at myself for letting myself get so stressed about it all. I woke up this morning and felt like it was dooms day...the dreaded appointment.

Luckily I have jumped on here just quickly to get some inspiration and I'm thinking that my Ob is a big tosser and and I'm not going to let him spoil this pregnancy and I'm certainly not going to let my issues prevent DH from coming to the appointment..

I just spoke to DH and he said he was surprised that I am being emotional about it all... DH said that I should be myself and tell the Ob straight out to go jump instead of feeling ashamed of myself and I have given him one beautiful daughter after all and I was fat then so whats the difference now...LOL...

So, I have taken the deep breathe and I'm going to kick some butt if the ob wants to mess with this mamma!!!

Thanks girls for your support

[meow]

I'm pretty sure there are no stats that fat women can't birth? Except in those cases where they are over-managed of course Tell your OB to educate himself or shut up. You'll be great hon!

[[M]umma[M]ia]

ugh.... i had one of them.. last pregnancy. Loved to tell me how obese I was and when I would leave she would say "go home and dont eat anything!"...

So I feel for you. Now looking back at it I wish I had stuck up for myself and told her to go jump. They cant speak to you like that

Just tell him how it is hun. Say its no appropriate. You know you have a weight problem... its not rocket science and you dont need reminding at every appointment etc.

[Cranky Kitten]

Yay for you and your hubby being in your corner Delph - the others are right, he loves you just as you are and will be a huge support. And pretty soon, you'll have your lovely little bub safe in your arms and won't have to deal with the mean old ob anymore

[delphmoon]

Well, I'm back and I survived...phew

After the OB kept me waiting for 2 hours we went into the consultation room and before he even said hello to me he said "Seen you have a high BMI you are no longer allowed to see the midwives...you can only see me". Without a second thought I replied that I am exactly the same weight I was when pg with DD (last year) and I didn't have to go through all of this last year...Infact last year I wasnt even weighed, let alone having to go through fortnightly humiliation like this. He replied "Procedures have changed" and I replied "Well my body hasn't changed...my uterus is still the same and I'm pretty sure my vagina is the same too..." DH who was sipping on his drink spat out some of his drink and laughed..but I was mad...so- your procedures have changed which must mean I have to confirm to your way of doing things hey? I don't think so.

I told him that whilst I understand he has concerns re my BMI, I am happy to continue seeing my midwife for the remainder of the pregnancy as I don't feel that seeing him would alter my BMI...lol...I thanked him for his time and got up and walked out.

I was soo mad that I was shaking and crying...DH was pleased- I was back to my normal self again (telling the ob where to go) LOL.

I called my midwife and told her and she was quite chuffed LOL..

So here I am back in empowerment mode..I'm not going to have some a$$hOle spoil my pregnancy so pfft to him

[Lolpigs]

Well, I'm back and I survived...phew

After the OB kept me waiting for 2 hours we went into the consultation room and before he even said hello to me he said "Seen you have a high BMI you are no longer allowed to see the midwives...you can only see me". Without a second thought I replied that I am exactly the same weight I was when pg with DD (last year) and I didn't have to go through all of this last year...Infact last year I wasnt even weighed, let alone having to go through fortnightly humiliation like this. He replied "Procedures have changed" and I replied "Well my body hasn't changed...my uterus is still the same and I'm pretty sure my vagina is the same too..." DH who was sipping on his drink spat out some of his drink and laughed..but I was mad...so- your procedures have changed which must mean I have to confirm to your way of doing things hey? I don't think so.

I told him that whilst I understand he has concerns re my BMI, I am happy to continue seeing my midwife for the remainder of the pregnancy as I don't feel that seeing him would alter my BMI...lol...I thanked him for his time and got up and walked out.

I was soo mad that I was shaking and crying...DH was pleased- I was back to my normal self again (telling the ob where to go) LOL.

I called my midwife and told her and she was quite chuffed LOL..

So here I am back in empowerment mode..I'm not going to have some a$$hOle spoil my pregnancy so pfft to him

Well done hun Pfft to him indeed.

[sloane]

i'm so glad you stayed true to yourself & told him where to go!

it is YOUR pregnancy. and his role is a facilitator, not dictator!

[LionsandBears]

Oh very Well done!!!

You go girl. I am so thrilled for you, I have a great big stupid grin on my face.

I think that deserves some of these I would have loved to have seen the expression on his face

[*Efjay*]

Well, I'm back and I survived...phew

After the OB kept me waiting for 2 hours we went into the consultation room and before he even said hello to me he said "Seen you have a high BMI you are no longer allowed to see the midwives...you can only see me". Without a second thought I replied that I am exactly the same weight I was when pg with DD (last year) and I didn't have to go through all of this last year...Infact last year I wasnt even weighed, let alone having to go through fortnightly humiliation like this. He replied "Procedures have changed" and I replied "Well my body hasn't changed...my uterus is still the same and I'm pretty sure my vagina is the same too..." DH who was sipping on his drink spat out some of his drink and laughed..but I was mad...so- your procedures have changed which must mean I have to confirm to your way of doing things hey? I don't think so.

I told him that whilst I understand he has concerns re my BMI, I am happy to continue seeing my midwife for the remainder of the pregnancy as I don't feel that seeing him would alter my BMI...lol...I thanked him for his time and got up and walked out.

I was soo mad that I was shaking and crying...DH was pleased- I was back to my normal self again (telling the ob where to go) LOL.



I called my midwife and told her and she was quite chuffed LOL..

So here I am back in empowerment mode..I'm not going to have some a$$hOle spoil my pregnancy so pfft to him

OMG! You did not! You made that up?! You really stood up for youself like that?! Wow you are amazing. I am sitting here thinking "YOU GO GIRL!" Just wow! good on you!

[delphmoon]

LOL thanks all..

With my first pregnancy I never for a minute lost confidence in my ability to give birth (Ok maybe afew minutes here and there I freaked out LOL). But the point is I had confidence in myself and my body and in birth.

with this pregnancy, this man has turned me into a frightened little (or fat as it seems) girl and I have doubted myself the whole time. I have stressed throughout the whole pregnancy because of this man. This problem with the Ob started way back at the beginning of this pregnancy.

This morning DH told me he was soo proud how I handled myself during my first pregnancy and was sad for me that this time I have lost my confidence...

So I think the convo with DH and with you girls snapped me out of it in time for this appointment and somehow I managed to get back control and my confidence. I can do this- fat or no fat...LOL

I am still surprised I said what I said and even that I walked out of that appointment...who was that person???...