I'm going to be a single mum....

[smiles4u]

JESSEY ... I too so agree that GUDISM would have to be the " Kindest " member I have ever come across on this site

... Anyone, who happens upon her advice & loveliness should very much consider themselves lucky :goodluck2:

Heartfelt wishes to you JESS, enjoy these precious times with your little baby girl

... It truely goes so fast, ... in a blink of an eye my own daughter turned " 2 " last Tues & I so miss those baby days ( especially that sweet bubba smell )!!

[Arimeh]

Aw shucks guys, you'll make me blush!!!!

I'm no kinder than anybody else. I mean, if you can't help out someone in need... why are you on this earth? That's just my way of thinking anyway... always happy to help if I can!!!

And Jess, my offer was genuine. We have a spare room

A couple of other girls on here and me try to get together at Cotton Tree Park some weeks, so if you are near there, please come and join us

[Maree]

Jess,

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter. I have been thinking about you too! I know exactly what you mean, about being in a 'house' but it not feeling like home. I'm sorry you feel that way; I know it hurts. You are grieving the loss of one relationship and enjoying the beginning of a new one. Plus, with hormone changes, your feelings are bound to be all over the place at the moment. Well done for keeping in touch with all of us here. We are thinking of you and sending you many positive thoughts and wishes.

[Blixie]

How do you stop loving someone you thought you were going to be with forever?
I am so damn sick of everyone expecting me to be over it by now! I don't just have a switch to turn off my feelings, i have loved him for a long time and its going to take a while for me to let him go, i do my best not to get upset and cry because i don't want to upset Lyla but its so damn hard seeing him all the time and knowing he's not mine.
I want to hug him sooo bad, sometimes i forget we aren't together anymore and then i remember and it hurts so much.
I am getting more and more down everyday, i've lost my apetite (sp?) completely so i have to FORCE myself to eat... I want to stop loving him but i don't know how...

[*Belle*]

Im so sorry to hear you are going through this Jessey, the birth of your gorgeous girl is such a special time. It maybe good idea for you to be able to move out when you feel up to it as it sounds like its hurting you so much seeing him all the time. Im upset for you as he is being really insensitive the first 6 weeks after baby is born is a very emotional time. Remember Lyla and yourself come first, put yourselves first and he comes after that hon. You need to eat to keep your strength up to look after Lyla and feed her matey. big hugs We are thinking of you. Gudism - you are such a gorgeous person! Im so happy to know you as well.

Bel
xxx

[Arimeh]

Jess hon - nobody can expect you to put your feelings away just because someone else seems to have lost theirs. A relationship has died here, and you have to grieve for the loss of it. Take as much time as you need to get over it, and to hell with anyone who said you should be over it by now. It took me ages to get over my first love - and even now I know that I will always love him (not in love though of course). People have an effect on your life for a reason, and you can't be expected to just carry on as normal if they decide to cut you out of theirs.

But having said that, please take care of yourself for Lyla's sake. She needs her mummy fit and healthy and making lots of lovely warm milk for her to drink. I'm always here if you want to chat.

Belle - thanks honey *mwah*

[Blixie]

Grrrrrrrrrr i'm so frustrated/aggrivated(sp?)/upset he says "stay here at least then i can help you whenever you need it" so i do and he's never damn well here!!!!!
The last 2 nights combined i've had 4hours sleep, he decides he wants to go out with friends at night and not come home til after bl00dy midnight! He's also making me feel like maybe there still is a chance for "us" he's acting the same as when we were together except i don't get the hugs and kisses and we don't sleep in the same bed... But then today someone on msn said something along the lines of "you make me feel so good, sleeping on your shoulder in the car the other night felt so right, you're perfect babe xoxox" so am now starting to think he left me for someone else...
am getting more and more down and just blah everyday and just want to give up on everything but i have to keep going fo Lyla's sake...

[~Trish~]

Oh Jessey . I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now.

I really think it's time you moved on, your ex sounds like he is stringing you along and staying in the same house as him will only be more painful for you.

It's time for a fresh start for you and Lyla. Are you sure you can't stay with any friends or family who can help and support you right now?

I hope you get some good rest soon, you are doing an awesome job .

[Blixie]

Well i have no friends, and no that's not an exaggeration i have none we drifted appart wanted different things in life etc.
My big sister is the only family with room for me and i was told today not to contact her because she doesn't want to hear from me because i have Lyla (great someone else close to my heart not wanting me) and i feel trapped and alone... i'm just sick of everything going wrong

[~Trish~]

Oh you poor thing . I wish I could help you in some way. Could you talk to your child health nurse about what you are going through? Maybe she could give you some contacts with some organisations that could help you out?

[Arimeh]

Jess - come and stay with us darl.. just till you get back on your feet. You are most welcome, and Lyla too xxx

[Chocaholic]

Jess, he is no longer the man you fell in love with so the best thing IMO is to get out and focus on being a mummy to that gorgeous little girl. It will be hard but you have Gudism's offer and there are always alternatives, you just have to look around. The more you stress and get upset, the harder being a mum to Lyla will be.

As for your charming sister, karma is a b!tch.

It will take a while for you to feel OK again but it is his loss. He also loses the most precious thing in his life (both you and Lyla), even if he is too stupid to realise it. One day he will, and it will be the biggest regret for his life.

[Blixie]

Why cant life ever just go smoothly? Grrrr ok so last night i had my mind made up, i'd move out (i had no idea where to but i was going to go) now i dont know...
Geoff (Lyla's Daddy) spends hardly any time with her as it is and i dont want her to miss out on having a dad because i leave...
He told me to stay here so he could help with her and he is never here when i need him and when he is here he's on the computer or has friends over... Last night i tried to get him to see from my point of view, that i feel that i'm doing this all by myself and his excuse was its cos i breastfeed doesn't mean he cant burp her, change her bum, spend time with her when she's awake etc. but he cant cos he's always out or on the computer...
i think he just doesnt really want the responsibility... but i cant do EVERYTHING ALL the time... If you know what i mean... ok rant over

[Blixie]

Gudism thanks for the offer but if i'm a burden to my family and friends i'll just be an even bigger burden on you and your family...
You are obviously a very kind person with a big heart

[fionas]

Hi Jessey - if he's not helping then there doesn't seem much point in staying. BUT if he is willing to help and if you think that might be the best solution in the short-term then you need to ASK for help when you need it.

I took me AGES to do this because I kind of wanted to do everything. And I thought that DP should be psychic or at least see that I was changing a nappy and offer to step in.

Men don't do this. What you need to do is to take DD to him and ask him to burp/change her. Yes, even if he's on the computer or with his friends. If he refuses, well he's obviously not going to be much help.

If you need to sleep, you take the baby to him. Even if he's asleep.

As I said, it took me months and months to feel comfortable doing this but if you want his help you have to be more assertive.

I'm not saying that you SHOULD stay, by the way, just ideas on how you can get him to help more if you do decide to stay in the short-term before you decide what you're going to do in the long-term.

Your sister's a shocker by the way.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Oh Jessey I'm so sorry hun
Why is it that men think the ONLY way they can help is if they can give the bub a bottle?
If you were closer you'd be more than welcome here.

Why doesn't your sister want to hear from you? That sounds very harsh

Don't be afraid to accept help hun. It is one thing to feel guilty over accepting help or feeling bad because you couldn't do it on your own BUT that is much better than putting yourself in a position where you are worse off. DYKWIM?

The other thing I wonder is if you are staying living with Lyla's father you may find it VERY hard to claim the Centrelink you'd be entitled to as a single parent.

Add me to MSN if you need someone to chat to. I'm not too much older than you after all and I don't have many friends either so I'm happy to chat.



PS. You don't need his help darl. You CAN do it ALL BY YOURSELF. Just believe in yourself. It might be harder to think about, but what you're putting yourself through while you're still there is not healthy for you either.
We're here with you. Be Strong.

[~Raven~]

Why is it that men think the ONLY way they can help is if they can give the bub a bottle?

After you finish her feed, pass her onto him to burp, change, bath and cuddle! No excuses from him are acceptable and tell him that!

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay strong for Lyla!

Is there a reason why he can't move out? Does he own the house or is it rented? Seems a bit rough for you and HIS BABY to be out of a roof over your heads. He can go crash on someones couch a whole lot easier than for a mum and newborn!

[Amie]

Ok so I checked BB before bed and I have literally been in bed for over an hour but cannot sleep as I keep thinking about your situation and have been writing posts in my head. So figured I'd just get up and write one properly!

Jessey I know that right now you are hurting beyond anything you have felt before. I can only imagine how sad, hurt and probably scared you are. But please think about this...

Hurt does not make good decisions. Frustration does not make good decisions. And fear most definitely does not make good decisions. Unconditional love makes the strongest decisions. Let the love you have for your precious girl be the deciding factor. What is best for her and you? If your ex really does want to help, then ask him to. Ask him to "help with Lyla's bath/burping/nappy/etc" so that it is clear you are asking him about parent-related things, not relationship-related things. If you need to, set a time-frame in your mind. For example, "I'll give it 3 weeks. I will make lots of opportunities for him to help because he has said he wants to. I will share the parenting responsibilities. If he doesn't hold up his side, then I'm leaving".

You are strong beyond your wildest imagination. Never forget that you yourself conceived, housed, and birthed Lyla. Never forget that all of those things take incredible physical and emotional strength to do. You have it in you to do what's best. You can't control anything your ex says, does or doesn't do. You can only control how you respond and how you allow yourself to be treated.

I'm not pretending that I know how it feels to be in your shoes, I don't have the magic answer and I won't tell you what to do. Only you can make the decision. But think of this.... Imagine that in 20 years time Lyla is in the same position that you are in now. With all of the love you have for her, would you say to her "I know he is confusing you and isn't treating you well. I know he's not helping with the baby. I know he doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. But just stay anyway." ??

If help is offered - take it! You need to put yourself and Lyla's needs first.

Sorry for the epic post, and I hope this doesn't feel like a lecture. Am sending love and hugs your way xox