Single Parents General Chatter - Dec 2007-Jan 2008

[Amity]

AMH, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It's awkward to say the least. I think you should speak with your solicitor ASAP. It ought to be up to HIM to make the effort to see the kids, but you have to be reasonable as well. (Not that you're not IYKWIM).

Brendansmum, I think you should try and work it out with DP rather than CSA - you'd have to lodge a change of assessment on the basis that he's now working, and in your situation I think it'd be better just to try and work it out with him. There's a calculator on the CSA website that you can work around, if you know what his income is. Explain to him how much it costs with Brendan!

Nothing much changed on my front, it's been a difficult few weeks, but I'll get over it. XH being a PITA, but that's SNAFU.

Oh there is one thing - I'm getting divorced in 11 days..... not that I'm counting! XH's last XP (mother of his 16yo daughter) wants to come to our divorce hearing, now THAT'S wierd... hmmm... maybe there's some unresolved issues there...

Hope you're all well.

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey Div, is your ex being difficult over the papers or did he sign them okay?

That is odd about his other ex wanting to be there at the hearing!

[Early Kids]

Thanks Divvy, just a question though, if DP and I come to an agreement on how much he should pay, do I just let CSA know that that's what's happened, so they can adjust their files and let centrelink know??? Or do I just let centrelink know and DP rings CSA? He has given been giving me extra money to help out with petrol and things (Brendan sees specialists in Perth) so I can trust him to give me the money... there is no problem there.
i'm not sure how the system works.

Thanks heaps

[Banx]

hey..

Need some advice..

how do u girls deal with having babies to XP's? how long did the break up hurt for.. how did u get through coping without a partner?

[Melly01]

Hello Banx,
I am sorry if I'm not much help, from the sounds of it my circumstances may be different to yours so my advice may not help. But here goes anyway.. I for one was kind of relieved when my XP finally listened to me that I wanted to break up for good.
I don't know that I deal the best with having my son to my XP, I mostly wish that we never had to see him again, but I know he will have to be a part of our lives in some way. I try to keep him & his family updated, but have issues with talking to them and get so busy with full time study & looking after Logan I take a while to write emails to the ones that do have internet access. The break up didn't really hurt for me because I had wanted it to happen months before it actually did. The break up still seems to hurt for him, but I think he is beginning to come to terms with it, after almost 2 years.

I got through by just focusing on how much better things would be. I kind of felt like a single parent while I was with him for that short time after Logan was born. He never helped much and mostly yelled at Logan when he cried and called me lazy because I "got to stay at home all day and do nothing". Also I am living with my mother for now, so that helped a lot although I insisted on doing all of the looking after Logan myself (except for when I needed a break every couple of months), it was good to have someone understanding to talk to when I needed it. I also had a close friend who was willing to listen to me vent or take me out for a couple of hours if I needed it while Mum looked after Logan. I also had a social worker visit my house so I could talk to them about any issues I had that I couldn't talk about with anyone else. I also cope by knowing that a happy parent = a happy child and while I am prone to bouts of depression at times, I am a lot happier being single and looking after Logan. As lame as it must sound, he is my life. I am thankful that I am in the best state of mind possible to be able to enjoy every minute I have with him, rather than fighting with someone and being too depressed to enjoy anything.

[Amity]

Banx, I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation.

I left my XH when my sons were 12 months, and three and a half years old. It was difficult, but I live with my parents and we (mostly) get along fine now.

Go and get some legal advice and talk to Centrelink (they can provide social workers) about your situation. It's better to be informed now than not know.

Hope things get better.

On a different note.... I get divorced tomorrow!!! WOOhOO!!!

[Early Kids]

Hey Banx, sorry to hear of your situation. I think these lovely ladies have covered the basis.

I think by the time bubs comes you will be better prepared. Definately talk to centrelink!!

Any questions, please feel free to ask

Divvy... WOOHOO!!!!

Me.... well we (DS dad, his bro and my bro) have all put in a application for a rental. It's not ideal... but i'm hoping this means that DS's dad has sorted things out and really wants to give this a go. I actually cant wait to move out of home... there is no space here and my parents have both started smoking again

anyway enough about me.

How is everyone else?

[Melly01]

Hey Divvy, Congratulations! I hope You're having a good day!

I have to see XP on the weekend He's coming up to watch Logan go to swimming lessons & then said we could all go to lunch or something nearby. I know it's good that he should be seeing him, but I am really dreading it. Oh well, hopefully things will go smoothly this time.