Single Parents General Chatter - Dec 2007-Jan 2008

[barbie-up]

So whats new in single parent land ?

I've got to tell someone about a friend of mine - she kicked her husband out last November when she found out he was having an affair. She spent the whole of December wondering if he would leave the mistress, have counselling and would they get back together. In mid January, she met a single father and started going out with him. I heard nothing but dramas about this bloke for the next five months. She was full on and he wasn't. She exchanged phone numbers with another bloke at the pub two weeks ago and then broke up with single father man over the email last week. She has slept with pub man and he's met her kids, all in under two weeks. And tonight she tells us how shes missing single father man, rang him up to say she was dropping off some of his stuff and she started crying on the phone ...

Call me a bit slow, but faaaaaark, no one is meeting my kids unless I know it's serious. Plus, I am so enjoying being on my own with the kids and not having to answer to anyone or do anything I don't want to and make all the decisions.

Divvy - about RSVP - you met someone thru there, right ? I joined a while ago and was emailing someone who wanted to meet for coffee, but I chickened out, giving the reasons above.

I say that I would like to have a man like my job, only 12 hours a week.

How long do you wait ? I don't miss my EX AT ALL, so there is no going backwards. But how do you go forwards ?

[pegasus]

Oh jeez I have no idea how to start dating again. I fall into relationships with friends or workmates. Now I don't really have any single friends. Actually the two single friends I do have, one I've dated before my daughter's father and the other is a really good friend who became a little more than that for a brief time as I was getting over my breakup. We're still good friends and that close contact hasn't changed us at all.

I wish I knew how to go forwards. I barely have any free time when my DD is at her father's, and I'm not allowed to have male visitors at my house (share house with community organisation, no men allowed, to protect me and my housemate and the kids). And I'm not allowed to have anyone babysit at my house. I'd have to take DD to a friend to babysit, oh and I don't drive.

I don't know where to meet people, how to start a friendship and I don't know how to arrange timing for dates. God, is it really this hard? When would you give out your phone number? I'm lucky if I see the same person twice when out and about.

I agree Barb, I wouldn't want an instant partner. I'd like to see someone once or twice a week and let it slowly build up. I will be a good 2 months of real dating before he meets my DD. Of course in time he'd see photos, but I don't want him to replace her father. She has a father. One day she'll have two.

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey, how is everyone?
I'm flat out busy at the moment, working lots, studying too, playing netball, watching DD grow up so quickly atm! Scary stuff

Div, did you end up moving out?? I remember seeing you working out budgets and stuff (money sucks..or lack of it) and what ever happened with Mr X??

Hope everyone is doing well

[Amity]

Nothing happened with Mr X... unfortunately... he needs some time to get his life together and get over his break up before moving on, so I've left him to it.

Unfortunately due to an incident in early May which has led to me issuing proceedings in the Family Court, and XH having supervised access, I haven't been able to move out. I did have a marvellous house all set up, but had to pull out at the last minute due to the issues with XH hitting DS2 and leaving a hand-print bruise on him...

I'm back at work now after almost a month off, and loving it! Will keep you all updated...

[barbie-up]

Divvy - is (was) that the RSVP man ? I'm registered on there and and responded to someones email and we made plans to meet and then two days before, he pulled out, saying he had met someone else. oh well, easy come easy go !

I aksherly met a man last night, 6ft 7 tall (I'm 6 foot tall) and fair dinkum, gorgeous. He's a ruckman in a local football team and BIG all over. We talked all night at the pub, and then he came back here. And talked more. And had sex. I don't know if that was good or not, he asked if I wanted to and I just wanted to jump him so I said yes. He went to put his number in my phone, but I gave him one of my business cards instead (vista print - free!), I've been dying to give them away !

He went home about lunchtime today. I really want him to ring me, but I don't know if I messed it up with the sex.

I should stop or move this to the adult section if I go any further.

Cheers, girls.

[Ambah]

Hey everyone... just dropping in for the first time to say hi!

I seperated from DP over 2 months ago... I am actually enjoying being single! I feel like I have permission to be myself now, and am finding myself again..

We are living in short term accomodation at the moment, so need to find somewhere more stable. But I hope to stretch this time here as long as possible to give me time to buy what I need, and save up to move (has anyone seen the rental market in Brisbane these days.... eeeks!!)

I am going back to uni this semester too, just the 1 subject though, and I will have Eva with me. But I will try my hardest to make it work!

I am a bit cautious about typing details about my situation or XDP as I am not sure if this would be read by him or not.. hmmm...

Anyway, I shall come back soon!

[pegasus]

Ambah are you in Brisbane? I'm in Sydney and the rental market here is impossible. There is 0.9% availability and minimum rent for a one bedroom is $250+ a week, in most areas. If I'm able to move to Brisbane, I can afford a 1-2 bedder for under $200 a week.

I'm in temp accommodation too. Got 18 months total here and then I don't know what's happening. I'm hoping to move back to Brisbane at the end of the year, if court allow me.

My ex was reading my posts so I made a new account (or change your ticker and username). When I tried to change my username, everyone was on holidays and it got forgotten. Oh well, who needs to be a platinum member anyway? Its only money that I can't get use of.

Hope things look up for you soon darl.

[barbie-up]

What is short term/temp accomodation ? Is that some sort of emergency thing ?

I thought I would be looking for ages as well, made worse by the fact that my old landlord was my now ex MIL - she gave good references though !

It took five weeks to find this place and I took the first one offered - it's $250 a week, three bedroom unit (two on a big block and not connected to each other). It's small inside, but it was all freshly painted and carpeted after the last tennants. Fully fenced back yard, decent size.

I put a letter in with my applications - saying that I was a recently separated single parent, that I have lived in the area all my life, that I worked and had uni in the area, family and school connections. I also put in what I was entitled to from centrelink - PP (single) FTB A and B, rent assistance, salary and child support. The agents that made the offer asked to see something from centrelink with a summary of my entitlements and they were able to print one out for me to pick up the same day or next day. (Never seen them work that quick).

ALSO - for studiers - there is a pensioner education supplement - I'm not sure what the minimum study load is to receive some, I'm currently on part time, which is 50% of the full timers study load. Its about $70 a fortnight and a once off $200 starter payment.

I'm loving it on my own too ! I know when the kids are with their dad (we didn't move far due to Caits schooling) that they have his attention 100% of the time, something they have never had in their lives. And his parents are pretty involved on his side, and that is comforting, because my ex was, and still is a TWIT. I dropped them off last Friday for his weekend and he asked if I could pick them up on Sunday (he does the end of weekend drop) or lend him $10 as he had no money for petrol ... ahem.

My ex does not own a computer and really would not know how to turn one on ...

[Lulu]

Hey girls.

I've been up since 5am to try and get some me time. Also I can't sleep for worrying about EVERYTHING.

Anyhoo, I've been single for a long, long time. I never posted in here as I thought it didn't count as the ex was here all the time and that I had support etc. However I realize I was deluding myself terribly......I thought it was good having a babysitter whilst I WORKED ALL THE TIME.
When I closed my business I told him to get lost because I could see he contributed nothing (well he adores the children) and I could see he had no intention of ever working to support a family - why would you when you have a workhorse providing a roof over your head?????

In any case I have applied to join the closed section of the single parents support as I would feel a bit more comfortable admitting what a total fricken loser I am without the world needing to see it.

[barbie-up]

Is that where people go really unload ? I might need to sign up too.

[Madissun]

Hi ladies,

Just found this thread! Divvy your a legend for starting it!

I've been a single parent right from the word go. I was overseas when i found out i was pg so came home earlier than planned...with one extra present for everybody! I dont get child support as "the Australian government dont agree with the Jamaican government" and therefore wont collect child support from there.

DS father has never met his son. He says he is coming over at the end of July but i haven't heard from him since February... He has sent a total of $600 in the past 20 months, the last being in November last year. Im not expecting him to be in the picture for much longer TBH. His loss...he doesn't know what he is missing and how beautiful his son is.

Lulu2 whats the closed parenting section?

Its nice to have somewhere to chat, especially about dating and things like that. I too have been wondering how on earth its ever gonna happen??

[Lulu]

Go to the memberships section, you have to apply for access and wait to be granted.

Prolly wont take long...

[Amity]

Good on you Barb for having some! I'm jealous! Mind you Lulu2's party was well, ahem, interesting....

Nothing happening in Div land at the moment - back in court on 23 July and will let you all know. I'm sick of being kicked out of my house two nights a week! ARGH! At least the kids are home safe and with my Dad as well as XH...

[Lilly-Pilly]

Div hun sorry to hear about the crap with the Ex. At lease supervised visits give you some pieve of mind. And as for Mr X not working out, well most men are stupid....

Lulu, nice to see you in here. I'm still not sure i should post in here, i've been with my new partner for 2 1/2 years now, but we only moved in together a few months ago.

Good to see everyone else around, as usual, crazy busy at the moment so will stop buy again soon!

[barbie-up]

'interesting party' .... do tell !!

The guy the other week was the kinda 'Jock' type, all that was missing was a letterman jacket. Physically stunning, but a bit shallow otherwise.

Going out with the girls again this Saturday - it used to be once every two months, then once a month, now it's only been two weeks ! It used to be harder to co-ordinate a night when we were all child free.

[Lulu]

Ahhh, yes - the AO party. He he he!

Hey Barbie, there was an article in yesterdays Herald Sun regarding the effect that parents constantly re partnering can have on the children and how its best to work on building a relationship before introducing the kids etc. Want me to cut it out so you can send it to your GF??
Whoa Nelly, she seems to be going a bit fast doesn't she??

[Lilly-Pilly]

Lulu, sounds like DD"s stupid dad should read that.
He's moved in with his new GF, one DD had never met and she has a 3 year old daughter.
He honestly thinks im going to let DD go and stay with him, his strange GF, in a strange house, with a feral (and i say that cause i met her) 3 year old who hits, pinches, scratches and pushes her mother while her mother says nothing.

Why can't he do things the normal way and let DD get to know them before moving in together ??
Idiot.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Dee, your ex sounds like a right boofhead!

Reading this thread, I'm glad that exP lives on the other side of the country, hopefully it'll stay that way!

I just had a big emo about leaving him, having had the realization the person I fell in love with isn't the person he is now. I actually feel better now, having sorted things out in my head and had a good cry (though i'm not so sure i'm finished yet!) It honestly feels like I'm mourning the death of the person he used to be, rather than grieving the end of the relationship. Which is better, I think. I couldn't have gotten away from this ******* fast enough but I still care deeply about who he USED to be. That's totally good with me because it means I have no temptation whatsoever to give into his manipulative attempts to guilt me into getting back together with him.