cate - i hope you can find a way to come to an agreement amicably. this may sound unlikely, but Terry might find after a while that routines work better for him anyway! it sounds at the moment like he's doing this to get to you, and maybe to give El the impression that he's the "good parent" that caters to her every whim - but it might be a case of him trying this for a while and realising that she a much better little girl when she arrives than she is when he is doing everything on demand.

good luck at getting through this - i hope for your sake (and even more for El) that you can keep this out of the courts