I confided in my "best friend" at the time when I lost my virginity. I didn't feel I could talk to my mum about it so I talked to my friend. I was 17. Unbeknownst to me, she told HER mum, who happened to be good friend with MY mum, so guess what happened? Yep, she told my mum. It wasn't until a while later that I said something to mum about it and I was horrified that she knew.

Why? A few reasons. I was shattered my apparent "best friend" had betrayed my trust and I was embarrassed that mum had found out. I was also embarrassed FOR her as she would have been in an awful spot with her friend knowing something so personal about her own daughter that she didn't know. My mum (passive aggressive at times) didn't say anything to me about it but waited for me to bring it up, but when I did, it was clear she was quite hurt about it.

So as a mum with a daughter now, how would I handle the same situation? And the one in the original thread?

Well, I am attempting to create a relationship of trust with my daughter where she feels she can talk to me about anything. I'm sure my mum attempted to do that with me, but about sex, she was a closed book. It was known that she didn't have sex until she was married and she expected us to do the same. But there was no discussion about WHY... so when, as a 17yo, I went off to Uni and had my eyes opened to the ways of the world, yeah I went a bit haywire. I regret some of the things that I did then and not waiting til I was married is one of them. Which is why I made a decision to stop and changed certain behaviours. DH and I didn't DTD until marriage. Anyway... I would hope that I can use that experience to help my daughter feel she can talk to me about things... so that I won't have to find out from someone else.

But if it is one of her friends, and she tells me, well I think I would not tell the other parent. I would want to maintain the trust that my daughter has in me.

But if there was drugs or alcohol involved, I think I would feel differently. Like some of the other PPs have said, I would expect to be informed if there was planned drinking and to be told if it was unplanned. I see that as different to sex... Maybe that's a bit skewed of me, but that's just MHO.