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Thread: Clomid for LPD #2

  1. #91

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    Awwww, Michelle, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. All I can say is what the other girls have said - this journey truly is a roller coaster ride, ups and downs all the way but we want to be here for all of that with you so please don't go anywhere!



    We all understand how you feel because we've all felt that way many times ourselves. I'm not having the best time this month either and it's so easy to feel defeated and like it's never going to happen and that's why we need eachother here on BB.

    But we can't give up!! We have to keep going and doing whatever we need to to hold those precious babies in our arms because THAT's what is meant to be.

    We are all thinking of you and praying that your dream is fulfilled very, very soon. I hope your DH makes his way thru your sadness and gives you a huge big hug!

    And here's one from all of us too !!!!

  2. #92

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    Aww I came in to check on Michelle and saw your beautiful words Willow. How lucky we are to have each other...
    If you are out there Michelle, I have been thinking of you so much. Go out and get a massage, sit in the sun and know that soon your miracle will come. I know this!

  3. #93

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    Yes i agree with deb, what wonderful support. O Michelle if we cd wave a magic wand.... YOU WILL def hold a darling baby in your arms again, it will happen, you have to stay positive, this will get you through.. Big hugs to you at this time, its like being a yo yo sometimes!!!
    Thanks Deb... that made me feel positive, yes lets hope we caught some magic!!!!
    Hugs to everyone else on here going thru all ov this...

  4. #94
    kirsty Guest

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    Michelle darling I am sure that one day you will hold your precious bubba in your arms even though it may not feel like it right now. We all have terrible days to journies we are never sure are going to come our way, but try to take some time out for you in amongst it all & remember we are here with you every step of the way.

  5. #95

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    Hi All,

    Just thought I'd pop in and tell you about my horrid weekend, more just to get it off my chest than anything else so feel free not to read or reply!

    After cruising along on my clomid cycle without any side effects other than a few headaches (which may not have even be related) I had a major meltdown yesterday.

    Got a + opk on Friday night and Saturday I was in pain all day, mainly in the area of my right ovary, was even uncomfortable to sit down and reminded me WAY too much of what it used to feel like before my cyst was removed. Then yesterday, nothing. All pain gone, not even a twinge. So pretty sure I o'd on Saturday.

    Woke up yesterday and I don't know what happened. I had a major skin breakout, felt a bit nauseous and was just in a rotten mood. Throughout the course of the morning my dh and I were snapping at eachother (or more I was snapping at him and he was retaliating) and then something happened, he upset me and I ended up throttling him! He told me he's over me being up and down, up and down all the time and when I told him i just needed him to be supportive he said "I've been supportive and supportive and supportive and I'm just over it". So then I lost it. I was hysterical.

    Best bit was, my parents were staying with us (which was good in a way too cause my mum managed to calm me down) and we had to go to my niece's christening (who was born the week after my m/c so it's always a bit of a reminder) and I was the godmother! The last place I wanted to be was a church full of babies, particularly me holding one!!

    AND I think this month is going to be another write off cause with things the way they are with my dh, I don't think we bd'd enough. Only cd10, 12, 13 and 14 (with o on cd14). I would like to have included cd15 as well but it wasn't going to happen last night with dh and I barely speaking.

    So despite my 'words of wisdom' to Michelle, i'm now finding myself in that same place and unable to take my own advice. I just feel like I'm killing myself here to do everything I can to fall prg and I'm just so alone. I don't even feel like I've got the support of my dh now and I'm just about to give up. I can't do any more than what I'm doing and I just don't think that's going to be enough.

    Michelle, if you're out there I hope you are feeling much better this week.
    Last edited by Willow; September 11th, 2006 at 01:07 PM.

  6. #96

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    OH Willow :hugs:...
    It is so awful to be on this treadmill. No wonder you were feeling so over the place yesterday - it is a pretty huge thing to be going to have to go through yesterday...
    We unfortunately take out everything on those closest to us...

    I am so sorry you are feeling like this. If it is any consolation I think you hvae the bases covered for this month... Try and give DH some lovin and he you and try and remember (I know it's really hard when you are feeling like you are) that you are a team. You will get that baby. :hugs: again. I know my words didn't help much but just know I care...

    Michelle - I am worried about you. Are you okay???

  7. #97

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    Thanks Deb, it always helps to know that someone is listening and understands. It's reassuring to hear that you think we've covered our bases, just would have liked a bit more insurance. But then I tell my self the chances of a bfp first round of clomid are probably nil (despite your good luck! ) so no harm, no foul.

    I think my dh and I just need a bit of time out together without all this ttc stuff. I might take him out for dinner this weekend, just him and me (we've only done that once on our first anniversary since our daughter was born and she's nearly two!!!) I'd love to go away for the weekend but unfortunatley finances don't allow for that at the moment.

    Michelle, I am worried about you too. I understand that you might need to drop out for a while but please pop in some time and let us know that you are OK.

  8. #98

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    Girls, a big hug to all of you out there.

    Michelle, hope you are OK. Thinking of you.
    Willow, same goes for you.

    Deb, glad you are OK. Thanks for sticking around to help us through. We would sure miss your words of wisdom and kind thoughts. Take care.

    Love to you all,
    Debbie

  9. #99

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    Hi girls. Thank you all for asking about me, and for all the messages of support. I am doing OK.

    I have decided to take some me time and do some things for my mental health. DH is working opposite shifts at the moment so that is hard. I need the extra hugs but he can't change his shifts either. I am just about to head off for a reflexology session just for the feel of it (and the extra benefits that it can give too ) but ... The meditation is helping and as soon as the cough settles I will head back to the gym for those FABULOUS endorphins that only a sweaty session can bring.

    Willow - the clomid can have that *wonderful* side effect with turning into a person you don't really know or like. It does get better (or you just learn to manage it better ). It is tough for the DH's in our life. Even though they don't have the same sense of failure or the same hormonal shifts each cycle, they have their own sense of failure; of not being able to fix it for us and give us what we want the most.

    My DH said once (and only once or he will die a slow and painful death!!!) that he felt like a sperm donor due to the mechanical nature our love life had taken during the first round of TTC (that was more than 2 years worth of TTC). He has since come to understand that it is not my favourite part of it either and I remind him at other times of the cycle that I just want him for the fun of it. 3 and 1/2 years later (with an interrupted pregnancy in the middle) we can still find the fun in us, even with the moments of despair I bring into the equation on occasion. It does take work though. TTC is a challenge for a couple and the added hormones from things like clomid can just make the road that little bit bumpier.

    Now that I have raved (and probably without focus) I will head off for my session and to find something for dinner!! I will be around. I can't keep away and you beautiful ladies help to keep me sane in the middle of the torture of TTC. Thank you.

  10. #100

    Talking

    Oooooh hello MIchelle, I was so excited to see your post! I am glad you are feeling a bit better - hope you enjoyed your session! Never had/done relflexology - what exactly is it??

    I've actually found a natural therapies centre near my place that does all that sort of thing and has natropaths etc on staff, am thinking of making an appt. in anticipation of next cycle. There is a lady practising there that specialises in fertility, could be worth a chat with her.

    I think I need to do something for my mental health too, maybe a massage or something?? Or getting my nails done (I lurrrrve getting my nails done) Will come up with something.

    Not much has improved between me and my dh today, he did something else which really upset me so we are pretty much back to square one! It is a HUGE strain on any relationship I know. My husband has made the EXACT same comment!!!! I know it's not nice for them but I hate it too, I feel like some desperate woman begging him for days on end and it makes me feel gross a lot of the time.

    My husband is on days this week, I wish he were on nights! hehehe. We need a bit of space at the moment. Let's hope things improve over the next few days.

    I know what you mean about these ladies, I would have lost the plot by now if it wasn't for this thread!! Love you all!

  11. #101

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    Willow - I am so pleased my presence excited you!! I could add small things etc ...

    As for your DH, I have a suggestion that may or may not help you. When my DH and I have a difficult patch (usually related to TTC ) I write him a letter or give him a card. It is so difficult with the raging hormones to get the message you want to them (often lost in the translation from venus to mars) and especially if it triggers a little tiff again. By writing it down I remind him (and myself occasionally) about what makes him special to me and how important he is to me.

    I think your idea of going out to dinner together is a good one. Special time where you just get to talk - nothing serious, just couple time. I have a booking for later in the week with DH (not to mention scheduling DTD in about 10 days - give or take a few either side!!)

    As for reflexology, it is foot massage!! In more technical speak, Eastern beliefs say that the sole of the feet are a reflection of the internal body eg from the big toe along the instep of the foot is the head and down the spine (try to picture your spine curved along the length of your foot). Through massage they can find the tender spots that correlate with energy blockages in the body. It is lovely Especially if you like having your feet massaged!!!!

    I hope you are feeling better (I am on day 2 of the lovely drug!!) and that you and DH can sort out the bumps sooner rather than later. ((((hugs))))

  12. #102

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    Hi MIchelle, prehaps 'excited' was the wrong choice of word , more 'relieved' I guess to see you back!

    I've decided to take your advice and have written my dh a letter just saying how I feel about this whole ttc thing and raising a few other non related "issues" we are having.

    He's not one for expressing his emotions most of the time so I am not sure what sort of a response I am going to get from him but this is something I've done in the past with a pretty good outcome so we'll see....

    things start to improve and quickly. If we keep going this way I think we will be fast approaching a crisis point. I am also thinking ttc while things are this way between us may not be the smartest move so might take a break next cycle. We'll see...

    If I do another cycle of clomid next month I'm thinking my dose will be increased to 50mg. If this is the case I think I"ll switch to taking them at night rather than in the middle of the day in the hope of reducing the side effects.

  13. #103

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    I was so happy to see your post Michelle - you havae been on my mind an awful lot. I am glad you are doing some stuff for you. It is tough times I know :hugs:... I missed your company...

    Willow - I am glad you wrote a letter - this journey is hard on you both. Take care of yourself and each other. The massage is a great idea. Go for it!!!

    Love to you both

    Great to see you debbie - when is your "procedure"?

  14. #104

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    Michelle and Willow - sending my best to you both. I am hoping that sooner or later all of this will just be a fading memory for us all with better , brighter times ahead.

    Deb - 25th September. Was originally booked in for the 20th but changed that as that was the date last year when we found out we had lost Luke. Didn't want to be hospital on the same day two years running - memories, pain etc. I know I don't need to explain to you. Feeling a lot calmer about it now. I know tha actual procedure is nothing to worry about but I just don't like GAs. Never had a problem with one in the past (had one in 1990 and last one in 1996). It's just the thought of being out of control. Falling asleep and then being awake again in what seems like an instant. I hate the thought of that lost time. Totally irrational I'm sure but can't help it all the same. I am just a big woos sometimes.
    Debbie

  15. #105

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    Thanks Debbie. I don't think your fears are irrational and I don't think you are a woos either. I felt the exact same way about my lap surgery in May. The worst part was it was only supposed to be a 1 hour procedure and I woke up nearly 4 hours later to a very concerned dh and mum! Poor things. AND because I have a morphine allergy, I had to have suppositories for pain relief which were 'administered' while I was under - I still have a few issues about that and shudder just to think of it!! BLAH!!

    I am positive all will go well and just think, once you wake up it's all over!

  16. #106

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    Willow, I hope that letter to your DH has lots of positive results. I wrote one to mine last year because things had been pretty bad - it opened the lines of communication and we talked through everything and things really improved from there.

    I'm still playing the waiting game... if I ovulated for real, my luteal phase is behaving itself somewhat better this time round. Although, my temperatures are only barely above the coverline just now, so I'm starting to wonder if it was a real ovulation rather than a pretend one. It seems that it would be so much easier to get a script for provera and end this cycle already!

    BW

  17. #107

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    Debbie - you are NOT a woos - have you read my Goodbye Journey the story of the loss of our son in March. I was positive I was goiing to die under anaesthetic. I don't like it at all. The lost time thing - I hear YOU! However, putting on my nurses cap I must say that it is so highly unlikely that you are more likely to have a large building fall on you. I know it's an irrational fear. I truly do because I HAVE it too! It is exciting though that the time is almost here!

    Butterfly - I hope that you ovulated - when is your 21 day prog. level?

    Willow - are you feeling a little better this afternoon Sweetie? :hugs:

    Michelle - :hugs:


  18. #108

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    Deb, I won't be having blood tests done until after I start clomid. I's frustrating to realise that I was handed my clomid script two weeks into this cycle and I'm now heading for 8 weeks... UGH!!!

    BW

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