I need to vent ...

[Jacobsmum]

Aaaahhh ... I am so frustrated I really want to be pregnant, I feel pregnant, I even go out and buy a pregnancy test to prove to myself that I am pregnant, and then ... AF arrives - at that exact moment that I have opened the HPT and sit down to pee I notice (TMI I know!). What is wrong with me???? Prior to this year all I could do was get pregnant and m/c - 6 times in all, and now, this year (when I have lost weight, got my LP regulated, ovulating monthly) I can't seem to get it right! Is it my destiny to only have one child (I know, I know, lucky to have this one - and trust me I know)? Why won't this work???????????

Oh BTW I am a serious lurker. My name is Mel, and I think it is time I finally delurk and spend a little time getting to know some of you. Hi ;

[Nicambhar]

Oh Mel. Vent away.
My daughter said to me the other day "what does it mean when people say they are trying to have a baby". She is 12 and knows where they come from, but just thought that when you decide you want a baby - voila - you DTD and it happens.
She was so shocked to learn that it just aint the way it goes.
I am hearing you though on the frustration. We had an oops last year that ended tragically and now that we want it to happen, it just seems too hard.
Best of luck with TTC hun, you will find heaps of support hear. Don't lurk, join in, it really helps to chat to others in the same boat.

[nikilove]

Im sending to everyone that is trying.

[cherie26]

Hi Mel!

I know how you feel. I have one child already and since loosing my last i feel desperate to concieve again (I also realise how lucky I am to have my son). I cant imagine how hard it has been to have six misscarriages I really hope that this is your year and have a baby soon!
Good Luck TTC and welcome!

[satya]

I'm so sorry for your losses. That must be hard to deal with. One thing I know is that after m/c many of us imagine our "symptoms" in the second half of our cycle to mean we could be pg.... I seem to be one of those. I've had some really strong symptoms only to end up disappointed when I test just before my AF arrives. I can only offer the same advice I give everyone else (and wish I could stick to myself) don't test until you are actually late.

I can see that you've got things regulated which is great but are you seeing a FS about the multiple m/c?

I've found chatting in the monthly ttc after m/c really helpful so I'd recommend you join in or I think there might be one for recurrent m/c as well. The ups and downs of long term ttc are pretty exhausting and we can all do with a helping hand to get through it. I hope you are feeling better today.

[AustraJoey]

I am uncannily similar to you, have had 6 m/c and feel sooooo frustrated I am falling into a dark hole. I seem to feel pg every month, AF comes late and I'm not good to be around for the next week. I got pg soonish after most of the m/c but now it's been over 6 months and nothing, I have been ttc this baby since OCT 03 when I fell pg easily but m/c at 9 weeks. Since then, m/c after m/c but have been tested for everything and all seems OK. Panicking as I feel like I'm running out of time.
Jo

[Jacobsmum]

thanks everyone ... I know we all have good days and bad days, but lately they all seem bad . To friends and family I put on a brave face and say "its ok ... I am lucky that I have one" but really I am feeling completely different inside . I just want to scream. I want to shout at all those people who have children and then don't look after them, I want to physically hit people who say "it will happen" (how do they know?) and if one more person tries to tell me "if it is meant to be it will be" (what does that mean anyway??) I think I will clock them over the head.

There, I said it - that is how I am really feeling. Frustration is the only word I can think of that comes close to how I feel.

I hope you are all having a much better time than I am at the moment, and ... I hope that we all do realise our dreams in here. M/c is a very hard thing to deal with, whether it be once or 6 times ... but if there is some hope out there , then I hope it settles on the people in this forum who really really need something positive.

[Jacobsmum]

Oh and Jo, I know how you feel ... I have been tested for everything and they could not find anything... it is comforting in a way to know that someone else has a simillar experience.

[AustraJoey]

Mel-I'm here anytime you want to talk or vent- you are saying and feeling the same way as I am! I feel like I'll be certifiable soon as I am going a bit crazy... I want to yell at all the people who say Pg is terrible, a curse, a pain, they don't want the baby, it will ruin everything etc . I can't u/stand why they go on to have the baby and we don't. I know it's not good to think that way but I have done so lately as it's hard to sustain hope for 3.5 years in the face of so much disappointment. I hang onto every bit of good news or hope, so if there is some,let's share it. My lovely Gynae is keeping me sane, without him I wouldn't be as OK.
The battle I face is now my age.
Jo

[EnglishRose]

OMG, It just feels like you have taken the words out of my head and put them on the page!
I had a stillborn son @ 28 weeks in '05 and have not been really TTC until recently. Now every month I feel like "wow, sore breasts, am I pregnant" "feel a bit nauseas, am I pregnant" and, of course, just when I think Im "late" my cycle starts.
This month will be hard for me because Partner and I have been trying and trying and trying but I am so paranoid I've mis-calculated my Ovulation Cycle and I know that Ill just be devastated if I dont stick this month!
Sorry to hi-jack the thread, wasn't my intention, I just wanted to say that your not alone and I'm going to be thinking of you and looking out for your post of good news!!

[AustraJoey]

Hi English Rose,
You are not hijacking at all, and I am so sorry for your loss as I am for everyone here on this thread. I so much hope we all get BFP s soon and that they stick for 9 months.
Jo

[Jacobsmum]

EnglishRose, I am so sorry for your loss - 28 weeks, wow that would be hard. Here I am banging on about my own frustrations when everywhere I turn people have heart wrenching stories that really make mine pale in significance.

I think the most frustrating thing for me (and I would wager most of us feel the same) is that it is totally out of our control. I have done the things that I can to ensure that a happy and healthy pg will be achieved and so the rest is up to the universe ... I am a little bit of a control freak and so this is what annoys me the most.

This month however (and the reason for the post) was that for the first time since I had my son I have sore breasts. Not much of a sign I know, but I felt sure because I had this "new" symptom that it meant that good things were coming my way.

Anyway, from now I am going to smile put on a happy face, and get back to the charting, watching and waiting ... at least I have a few days to relax, and this month we are off to Cairns for a holiday, so maybe ....

Oh, and anytime any of you want to talk - I will be keeping a much closer eye on this forum as you have all been so wonderful to me. Thankyou

[EnglishRose]

Hey Mel
Dont ever think that your experience "pales" against anybody elses because we've all been through pain - regardless of dates or circumstances, its still heartbreaking.

Im going to be thinking of you and following your story because Im really hoping that this is your month.
Im hoping that your holiday is just what you need to relax and let your body do what it does best

I guess the symptons are a good sign but like you said, its too early to tell. I myself am getting weird symptons. I woke up with a really sore back at the base of my spine, my breasts are sore and tender and my moods are swinging like nobody's business lol
Im feeling kinda nauseas too but then again, I could just be making it all with my mind.

Well I hope that all the ladies reading this thread get their good news, and get it soon. Because you are all so strong, I admire you all.

[Jacobsmum]

Well I hope that all the ladies reading this thread get their good news, and get it soon. Because you are all so strong, I admire you all.

hear hear ... lets hope June is the month of a thousand pregnancies (and all to belly belly forum members!!)

[AustraJoey]

I know exactly what you mean about it being out of your control, it seems the harder I try the less things work out but when I go off the rails and eat junk etc it still doesn't work out. Most things in life are achievable if you put in enough effort but with ttc, M/C or Stillbirth, no amount of effort will change things if they are not viable pg- it is nature we are up against but I know that to quit=defeat, to try may mean success or at the very best knowing I did my utmost. The thing I hate is being at the mercy of all sorts of people trying to sell you all sorts of potions, pills & programmes and I've now forked out $1000s and spent hours of time and still no positive result- yet. My big problem is now my age.
Jo

[*las*]

Mel - I'm so sorry

It is incredibly frustrating, and I'm sorry you have had to endure so many losses.

I hope it all turns around for you soon.

[Jacobsmum]

you have all been so incredibly nice.

Jo - I am not yet 30 (although that little gem is reading and waiting for me in October), but I have set myself a limit for how long I will keep putting myself through this. April 2009 is when I officially give up. This is not an arbitrary date, but it will be my son's 5th birthday, and ... it will be time to move on. To reclaim my life and stop trying for that elusive 2nd baby. Hopefully things won't take that long, but I feel secure in our decision to stop trying at this time if things don't go our way.

Englishrose - I hope that your possible pg symptoms are real and not imaginary. And I will keep posting so that everyone can share my ups and downs. I think that I have found gold with this forum (I have been a member for while now, with occasional visits, but I didn't realise how supportive and friendly everyone is)

Best of luck ...

[AustraJoey]

Mel, I am (gulp) now 42 when I thought I'd be done ttc, but every month I think- just one more month!! Getting pg 4 times in the past 3.5 years makes me think- I can do it again and my Gynae says to keep ttc, he has 2 x 46 y o in his care giving birth any day now.

I have found this post very helpful as I thought I was the only one feeling so defeated.
Best of luck- Jo