Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage/Loss April/May 2009

[Tuesday's Child]

I knew it was you too angel. Your first post to me under your pseudonym (after I was diagnosed with depression) had me wondering and it didn't take long after that to be certain. It always felt as though you were still around keeping an eye on us all. back at ya! Don't ever change.

[Baby Angels]

Sallyk61.............dont ever feel silly.....and as for joking last night...... if we dont have hope and humour then it makes the journey so much harder.

seriously....9 days in a row.... OMG.... while most men would beat their chests as if 9 is nothing..... reality is.... my dh wouldnt be up to it.... he would love to think he would be..... but.... ever before ttc we could go 3 and I would joke with him... but come the 4th .... ohhh nooo... all of a sudden there was something on tv he just had to watch......

I dont know if this might work for you... but it did for me....... DH now has no idea at all when I m ovulating..... he obviously knows when AF is there but I say nothing to him about Ovulation.... all he knows is that he get s 'lucky' every couple of days.......and sometimes.... a couple of days in a row..... I even go as far as to some months make every time a couple in a row so there doesnt seem to be a pattern..... sounds deceptive i know.... BUT.... since then, not one issue..... I dont feel bad... he doesnt feel like a sperm donor..... and is always up to it

So please hun... dont take it on board.... ignore fertility friend... any friend that makes you feel bad isnt a friend... even if its just a computer programes name

Give yourself some you time... maybe a relaxing bath... a book... relax hun.... keep that body nice and ummmmm 'chilled'....lol

[LittleOnes]

Sallyk61, I know what you mean... it's like guys are always wanting to DTD but as soon as you want to or need to, they're not interested. Before getting married last year DH was always after a piece. After and now that we're TTC, it's almost impossible to get him interested. Hard not to take it personally and even harder to not get upset about it when it means you have another month or so to wait before trying again.

[mollycat]

Sally sometimes ttc can be very stressful. We tried for 10 years before I fell pg with my angel - then somehow managed to fall pg under the most trying and stressful time of our life, it can be so hard to put ttc aside for a while and just enjoy each other, I guess its about making that special commitment to enjoy each other during other times of your cycle as well as during O. Many time I was accused of just wanting a sperm donor. I believe all our trials and ttc have made us so much closer in a way that not many people ever understand.

Angel - Welcome back hun. Glad to see the squirrel back. Your advice is always wonderful. As you know, many time you helped me. Remember - Miracles happen. Yes, your first post to Hannah gave you away. But that's only because we KNOW you so well. Well done on your list(s). I've never been able to keep up like miss jen jen.

[Baby Angels]

I knew it was you too angel. Your first post to me under your pseudonym (after I was diagnosed with depression) had me wondering and it didn't take long after that to be certain. It always felt as though you were still around keeping an eye on us all. back at ya! Don't ever change.

Hey Hannah.... it s all your fault you realise...... I was fine not saying nothing... till I read your post.... and my heart just went out and I had to do something...... regardless of absolutely everything..... putting all personal opinions aside..... if you cant be there for someone.... if you cant reach out a hand to help...... if you cant be there for them in their time of need..... then.... well IMO its all not worth to much if you cant..... so i had to put my personal opinions on various things that had happened aside... for you..... then i left again.... and then the thread which was such a sancturary for us all was... well... wont comment... but I had to come back to see if I could help turn it back into what we all loved so much.....

So yeah... I was sprung... by far to many I might add

Glad to see you "face to face" though..... and ALWAYS... know you can PM me anytime

now I know why I thought I had posted when I hadnt... cause I changed screens... which meant I also left out someone... goodness...



RhiChiChi.......Regardless of how long we do this for...... it stays a rollercoaster...... I understood your post...... sometimes you can convince yourself... othertimes it just plain hurts..... HUGE hugs to YOU hun

Mollycat..... well I knew you knew.....LOL... how could you not.... ...hugs hun... just hugs

[tutmae]

Wow, finally got around to reading back through all of the posts. It sure has been hectic around here lately. I'm not even going to try and do persies for everyone cos I wouldn't even know where to start!!

Sally: I used FF and it confused me greatly too. Just so you know, although it is really really helpful, it told me that I had an annovulatory cycle the same cycle that I fell pg, so my advice is to use it as a guide but don't let it stress you out!! As much as we would love to know with 100% certainty what the heck is going on with our cycles at the end of the day it's just not an exact science. I hope you're feeling a bit better and here's a big from me!!

[Tuesday's Child]

sally - I too have been guilty of treating DH like a sperm donor at times. We've had some very unromantic encounters just because we didn't want to miss the opportunity. I'm still not sure whether it feels worse to let the opportunity pass, or to just BD for the sake of it and feel kind of empty afterwards. Take some time out for yourself (angel's suggestion of a relaxing bath is a great one) to let your thoughts and emotions settle. Then give your DH a big cuddle and talk to him about it. It wouldn't surprise me if your both actually feeling similar things.

angel - I am very touched that you 'broke cover' for me as well as by what you wrote. And I'm glad you're back. If jen is our mother hen, then you are our guardian angel . And thankyou for bringing back the support and humour after a tense couple of days.

[Baby Angels]

Hannah........ You are more than welcome hun.......... and Jen Jen... she is deffinately mother hen isnt she... has she ever mentioned the photo that Krystielove photoshoped...... Ohhhh tooooo funny..... It is a photo of when I went down to Melbourne and Met Krytie....DH took our photo and then she photo shopped it and put a big hen between us......that way Jen Jen could feel like she was there with us as well.... I still have it... its soooo funny.

Oh and thankyou hun.... that is a huge compliment.... thank you

[boble]

Just a quick one from me saying hi! big thanks to everyone who replied to me. Julie... its funny you say that because that is exactly what I said to DH... he had to see me go through the d&c - which was so so scary for me because I had never had any sort of procedure before - that was my first time under a general - so I was very scared! then he had to watch me basically have contractions for 4 days... so I thought maybe he thought that "happy ending" meant pregnancy = miscarriage loss and pain... I asked him about it and he said that he didn't think he specificially thought like that - but i guess we will never know whats going on in there thanks so much for your reply.

Angel - great job with the persies... i've almost got my eyes closed in anticipation

MO3B - thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the chat this afternoon. DH is booked in with the doctor tomorrow morning at 8:15. So, we are both going and I will have my next lot of blood tests done, as will he .... plus his dr appointment. I they are able to help out.

quick AFM - I have been told that the uterus biopsy has to be done 11 days after O.... so that means we do have to sit this cycle out and make sure there is no chance of pregnancy. DH said it seems strange... the complete opposite to what we normally do and have been doing for such a long time. Hmmm, guess a change in routine is always a bit odd best of luck to all you lovely ladies for this month.. I I will be the only one not in the pregnancy section by the end of the month - but I will sure miss you all lol

[Razzberry]

Hi girls its been so busy in here its hard to keep up!
Just wanted to ask if ya don't mind but how did you cope when you were approaching your angels EDD's? My angel was supposed to be due 21st May and some people who were in my bellybelly group have already had their babies! I have tried to let go and thought I was dealing with it well but then seeing the date approach just makes me cry. Do you all still think of your angel babies everyday? even when you have gone on to have other children? Im finding it hard to be excited and happy about this bub atm when Im so sad about my other who I never got to know and I HATE not knowing what is was - I can't even name it. (I hate calling it "it")
Sorry for the all about me post!

[milly5]

hi again ladies.

coco - I sent an email to both email addresses now!

thanks to whoever it was that sent me the link on temping & shift work - I forgot who sorry, it was a few pages back. Temping just seems so much harder than the OPKs - is it?
I watched my CM as well, but it didn't seem to match up with the OPKs. Seemed for the first few months we were TTC and going off CM we started a bit early and then couldn't sustain it (yep I too am too old for 9 times in a row! LOL! I think DH would have a heart attack - but smiling!!)
Seriously though, I can't sustain it - honey moon cystitis - ye old UTIs kicked in. That's why I did like the OPKs because they narrowed that window down a bit for us.

And yes, it seems we also have a bit of a barney on BD night, especially when it's the last "green day" of the month.

We have tried to make sure we don't have to cook on BD night (with us both working, we hardly ever BD work nights before we were TTC, but it seems that green days always fall work days, never on days off!!
So at least we can come home, and have something we prepared earlier or if we're being a bit naughty a take-away, just so that we can have more time - and the dishes get to wait till the next day too.

Though we are going to be out this month. When I had my bloods done, they did the rubella, and it was a bit low, so I decided that now would be an opportune time to get a booster, seeing as I had to wait till after my next visit from AF to TTC anyway.

My HGC levels still haven't dropped to zero yet, but here's hoping (please no D&C).

So I'm passing my babydust to someone else this month ....

Erybery - yes I think about my angel babies all the time - especially no 1 - still haven't quite got my head around no 2 yet. sending you hugs.

[RhiChiChi]

Hey erybery,
I have never forgotten my Angel babies & I never will, even though I have a perfectly healthy DD. When I was pg with DD, they were all I thought about b/c I was too afraid to be totally committed to loving her in case she wasn't going to be forever. It still makes me cry thinking about it. I remember when she was being born, I just kept saying to myself, please cry then I know you are alive.... Sorry if that was too graphic for some people.
I have three angels watching over us now & I agree with what others have said - you never get over it, you just learn to cope. EDD are difficult at the minimum, I try not to think too much about what might have been but I think that is more protection for me & perhaps because we have DD & we celebrate her life (on her birthday).

Belinda - It's great that you & DH can talk about that stuff so openly. I have great difficulty expressing myself without crying, yelling and a range of other emotions. Plus I don't like putting my negative or other feelings on other people (well most of the time).

[boble]

erybery - my honeymoon babies EDD was the 10th Feb.. and all along I was saying I would be happy to be pregnant again by the due date.. that was the goal I had kinda set (for lack of a better term - maybe it was just a silver lining I was looking for to a very dark cloud?) and when we fell preg I was over the moon.. but fate was not on our side and we lost that one too. So, I can't really say what I would have been like if I were preg. I found the EDD a really hard day. I wish I could have sat in bed and just cried the day away, but my work doesn't have any staff so I had to go in and sit there and see pregnant women and new born babies wandering past the store all day long. It was horrible and not a good day at all.

I hope you are able to find a better silver lining on your litle ones EDD. ... and if not - its ok to be sad.

oh and in terms of calling it "it" could you name your little one a name which would suit both sexes? then you wouldn't have to say it... just an idea that I had actually been toying with for our honeymoon baby (as I want to name them). I have already named one of ours "Hope" because I am so so sure it was a little girl and because I had so much hope throughout the whole pregnancy that it would all be ok this time and she had showed us sooo much hope throughout the 4wks we knew abou t her. But with our honeymoon baby i didn't have a very strong boy/girl vibe.. so thought that we might do that ourselves.

Rhi - yeah DH and I are good like that - most of the time - there are some things we struggle with talking about but we are lucky in the sense that we can lay in bed of a night and discuss these sorts of things pretty openly. We did pre marital counseling which really helped us understand what we need from each other in terms of "information sharing" as she put it.

[Tuesday's Child]

Aaw erybery . I think about my angel all the time. I didn't cope very well coming up to my angel's EDD in Feb. I actually coped much better on the day than I had leading up to it. I think because DH and I had talked about it and made a plan. It didn't seem right to just let the day pass. We had a pretty quiet day at home. I refused to answer the phone or the door. In the evening we went and had fish and chips at the beach and went for a walk. I wrote a goodbye message in the sand. It was nice to just be together and think about what could have been. Since that day I've been feeling at lot more at peace about my loss.

Our angels don't leave us. And the fact that you remember and still think about your angel doesn't mean you love the little girl inside you any less.

[Baby Angels]

erybery.......the only way I can answer this is with complete honesty and openess.... It hurt like hell hun... I cried.... most of the day.... ugly cries... sobbing...I looked down at my arms and cried because I should have had one in each arm.... they should have been there.... but they werent.....all day I kept looking down at my arms..... sobbing......a thousand 'why me's"...........

one thing I will say is..... allow it to be whatever it is to YOU..... please please please... do not try and force yourself to 'skip over it'. Prepare for it... maybe organise so that you have time to yourself that day to be able to take the time. Its a non wonder woman day...... be sad, be cranky... be whatever... just be honest with what you are feeling and ALLOW yourself to feel it.....its the healthiest way to deal with it.

Ohhh I also have a song for them..... Avril Lavign..... I Miss You...... I play it every now and again... and sing it to them..... yes it brings tears everytime... but its my way of connecting to them.... I look up... and just sing it to them. Its coming up to 18months since they grew wings..... I have 2 grown boys...... well men really.....20 and 17 but..... I have 4 children, not 2 and Cameron and Krystal will ALWAYS be in my heart everyday and I love them all individually.

[Greenslw]

Having a slight giggle at the irony! My DP has had a VC and would go twice a day 365 a year, but it wont help TTC. He said the VC increased his stamina. Which is the funny bit. I am still glad we went the ICSI path though. I really do like the control aspect of ICSI, if we had a reversal the pressure would be on me not the doctors. Funny how my brain works. And also the number of late 40's 50's unwanted babies I've seen recently. It would really suck if no Baby now and one when I am 50 and DP is 65. so ICSI for us.

Although the doctor said that is still good post FET so while I'm hormonal and not interested.... ah we're never at the same point DP and I. I'm morning he's night. I guess it's the hole opposites attract thing. It works but it's a challenge.

After all my work venting I think my staff member is having trouble with her hubby. bummer. if it was work it's easy, home life is the complicate dthing.......

yep tears, chocolate, a good glass of wine (if your not BFP ) and a good work out fixes most things

[meh]

I'm too tired/overwhelmed to post properly tonight...sorry

But can I say what a wonderful, supportive, nurturing collective of women belong here? Congratulations everyone. It is inspiring to be a small part of all your journeys, and thank you for sharing mine.

[sallyk61]

My day has been completely self absorbed and Im sorry for that!
Dh and I had a big talk and I think he did feel like a sperm donor in the morning, it is so so out of our routine and he reacted...
Then (like any good wife would) I reacted to an even grander scale!!

Plus I still feel like I was right (he he he) and he doesnt read this so I WAS right!......

Thanks again, my day was shocking but checking in every now and again helped make me smile on a day I thought I woudlnt!

xxoo