Joselyn as you know I lost my precious daughter Nikita 8 days after she was born at 24w+1day in June 08. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and is part of the grieving process. I still get my heckles up when I see a preggy woman smoking (sorry to those who smoke) or when I hear a little bitty bub crying and its crys are being ignored. I work in tourism in an info centre so I understand how you feel when you see these things - particularly for the first time. The firsts are the hardest and in that respect you will find it gets easier to deal with the more you go on. With the flash backs - boy I don't think they ever stop. I still get them at the most inappropriate times. When I feel so lousy that I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear I get outside and do something, or rearrange a room or spend 25min on the treadmill (mentioned only coz you work in a gym) I find that by doing something invigorating it takes the mind off it or at the very least gets those endorphines happening in a good way. Even at 2 in the morning. I still break down into a crying fit but these lessen over time.

After this last early m/c (my second m/c) i have found that I am reliving what happened with Niki a whole lot more and I swear that by getting active even when I really don't want to, is the best medicine - particularly because I have not shifted any of my pregnancy weight gain and I hate the sight of my body now with the horrible caesarean scar.


For everyone else, there is no right or wrong with greiving take the time you need your firsts following an loss are always the hardest the darkness does lift, the heaviness and the ache in your heart may remain but you will find yourself dealing with this and moving around these feelings, you all have that strength inside you