my heart aches for you both as I remember all too well those feelings as if it were yesterday. sometime ago, we mentioned on here about the "ugly cry" - the sound that comes out of your mouth from deep within where all the pain is locked. as scary as they are, the ugly cries can be cathartic and have their place in healing after loss. don't be afraid to go there - a lot of us have. there is hope of healing (mostly by getting a BFP) but it can be such a long road. there is so much desperation, frustration, confusion, anger, bitterness, disappointment, resentment, unacceptance along that road - and these are major major feelings on their own let alone altogether. be kind to your hearts and your bodies ladies and know that they take time to heal. *sigh* i wish i had taken this advice when it was happening to me - i hated myself, my body had let me down and I felt so guilty. I think I've rambled enough - just wish I could give you a hug for you to know that you are not alone in your feelings.