TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February 08

**plc1805** · February 18th, 2008, 03:34 PM

Hi tina - welcome and so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. Then to have the added pressure with another baby coming into the family as the first grandchild. We all understand the impatience of TTC a child - you will find all the support you need here, hun.

**plc1805** · February 18th, 2008, 04:37 PM

Sorry guys - I really need your help.
Would you put TTC on hold for 1 month cos your naturopath told you to wait for herbs & vitamins to kick in or would you say this month might be my chance to conceive and TTC anyway with or without the risk of m/c. I really need to know what you each would do in that situation.....
I'm going thru a thing....

**Baby Angels** · February 18th, 2008, 05:04 PM

I believe whats meant to be will be. I was told to wait but didnt. It didnt work and I m still TCC but I suppose I look at it also from the point of view that I m 38 and some day in the future i m going to run out of months..... dont waste a single one. I also was told to wait until the herbs kicked in and was told it would take a few months. NO WAY for me..

PS... I m still peeved at hubby but I ve settled a bit.... just a bit.

**Katiegirl** · February 18th, 2008, 06:48 PM

PLC my naturopath wanted me to wait a month but I started anyway. This was last month and I admitted to her that we had started TTCing. I got AF so it didn't matter anyway. I honestly think you have to do what feels right - and not let other people dictate. You will know what feels right, and the herbs etc will help you anyway. Good luck!

Tina - welcome and I hope you find support here on BB. I live in Melbourne and moved here 4 years ago and I know how lonely it can be. I don't have any family in Melbourne which has meant that I have had to deal with the MC on my own a lot of the time, so I spend a lot of the time on the phone to my mum and sisters. If you need someone to catch up for a coffee etc I would be happy to meet you. SIDS also offer support groups for people who have lost a baby, so that might be a good option for you as well.

**AJC** · February 18th, 2008, 07:02 PM

HI Tina - welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. It is very hard when people around you are falling pg & having babies so I understand your pain. Anytime you feel sad or lonely please log on to bb and talk to us and hopefully that will help you cope. I hope your stay in here is short and I hope that we are all in the Pregnancy after m/c loss thread together very soon.

plc - I must admit that I would probably ttc anyway. I'm sure it's not going to make that much difference. I'm in no way opposed to natural treatment but I went to a kiensiologist (sp?) once and every time I went there I felt she was playing on my grief/situation. That kind of left a bad taste in my mouth so I find it hard trusting people like that now.

**pbstar** · February 18th, 2008, 07:07 PM

hi everyone,

well the start of a new week, hopefully there is some good news here soon!

berecca i am really sorry to hear AF came- you must be really in tune with your cycle though because you knew exactly when you were due....good to hear you are thinking positively and looking forwards

angel babies i can relate to your anger at your DH...mine is driving me mental at the moment....long story short but we have been fighting like cats and dogs about TTC- he is really superstitious and has this weird belief that it will only happen when we stop trying- so if i start talking about wanting a baby or anything to do with my cycle etc he gets so worked up! i can't understand it and it frustrates me so much that i have to hide how i feel. anyway after a good 24 hours of

and

he finally apologised...and coming from my hubby that is a pretty big deal!

hi tina- sorry to hear about your loss and welcome, i have been visiting this forum for a short time but it has helped me a lot already- hope it helps you too

plc1805- i would not put TTC on hold if i was you- but that's just me...just do what feels right for you

hi to everyone else and

for all of us

**plc1805** · February 18th, 2008, 07:33 PM

Sorry guys if I sound a little crazy. I just suddenly felt so desperate about what to do. I wouldn't have held anyone to ransom with their comments but just needed to have some fresh thought on the matter. I do feel better and clearer about what I want to do. Thx pbstar, AJC, Katiegirl & Angelbabies for your comments - they helped.

**Luna** · February 18th, 2008, 11:32 PM

Tina - I am so sorry for your loss. I had the same feeling of loneliness after my m/c, still do, and it must be even worse in a new city. This forum helped me a lot, I hope you can feel a bit less lonely with the ladies here.

PLC - I would not wait either. I kind of feel the same like AngelBabies, that I may run out of months. I do not know what your reason for m/c was, but for me it was probably a bad egg, so I was thinking, what if I wait, and this will be the one month with the good egg? I would not wait at all, but the first month I O after m/c I was away from my DH during O anyway, so I agreed to wait and run some tests. Now AF is supposed to be here in about 3 days, and it will be my first month TTC.

**bettyboop** · February 19th, 2008, 03:23 AM

i am so grumpy today , temp took a big dip yesterday, still waiting for AF , now i am sure that i have ashermans back

i have to ring doc on thursday if no AF and he will orginise the opp and then it takes awhile to heal, dont know if we will ever have a baby at this rate.

**nicksterUK** · February 19th, 2008, 06:38 AM

Oh my goodness, everyone seems a bit down in the dumps

Angel- whack him with a pillow! Men eh?? My DH says BD is 'not so much fun anymore cos there's n 'agenda' now- HUH? Thought it was his agenda too?
So, I've got the hump and am refusing to play now. After about 10 days it's finally sinking in and he's become very attentive and helpful, running me bubble baths and bringing me glasses of wine. As I've said before I haven't felt very jiggy lately (so disappointed with neg pg result last week I guess) but after all his efforts I know I should bd really. (Come on Nicki

) lol
BettyB- Huge hugs for you, can't believe your bad luck, and have got my fingers crossed that this might not be all that it seems

PLC- do what you feel is right! If you want to TTC go for it, who is to tell you what you should or should not do? What harm can it do? Besides, you and DP need to keep that close bond (otherwise you'll end up unintentionally celibate like me and Angel AAAaargh!!)
Berecca- sorry about af- good luck next month (still no af for me- a week late now BAH!)
Hi Luna, Katie, AJC, Canary and Pbstar- hope you're having a good day xx
Tina- welcome to the best therapy (and therapists!) So sorry to hear of your sad news, hope your stay is short and sweet xx
Hey TM- are you okay? Been thinking of you these past few days

Well, it's gettin' on (time wise) and I'm thinking maybe I should be 'gettin on' with DH so I'll get him to run me a bath and (providing he doesn't P me off in the next half hour i can feel an early nite coming on

G'night ladies xxx

Magda · February 19th, 2008, 07:10 AM

PLC, I would definetly not wait for the month I would keep ttc this month, if that is what feels right to you. Good Luck.

Tina, I am so sorry for your loss. The fact that SIL is now pg is not going to help the situation but at least you don't live close by and don't have to see her and can screen calls until you feel better. Try to keep your chin up, and believe that you will get pg soon.

Berecca623, I am sorry to hear that AF arrived. It will happen soon.

Hi Canary, Angel Babies, Luna, Katiegirl, and anyone I missed I hope you are all doing well.

As for me I am annoyed, after my mc early Jan 08, I found out my cousin is pg. I am very happy for her, I don't feel jealous at all. In fact it has brought us closer, this is her first. But I just spoke to my mother who is the problem, she just informed me that another cousin of mine's wife is pg. I am not even close with this cousin so who cares why did she feel the need to tell me. She is bypolar and all but she really is bonofied crazy. I mean she gets pleasure in hurting me.

Not to mention I have a cousin who is like a sister and she asked me the other day if I was using protection because I should not get pg. I also have a friend, she is this cousin's best friend, she had her first child 20mths ago at the age of 40 and is a single mom and she is struggling and she tried to convince me not to have a child. I was so upset with her putting her input into something that was clearly none of her business and I figured out these 2 girls lead miserable lifes and they are jealous of the fact that I have a wonderful husband that I am a stay at home mother living in a nice home. I am just so mad that people try to steal my happiness. Seriously, besides my cousin who is pg now when I do get pg I will not tell my family until I am 6 months, I feel like I lost my baby because of their negativity and they don't even get it, the fact that I am suffering I lost a child.

I am sorry ladies to bother you with my problems. You guys are the only ones who understand what I am going through. Thank you for listening.

**ll80** · February 19th, 2008, 09:06 AM

howdy all,

Welcome Tina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also in Melbourne and know how it feels to be isolated from family and friends. When I had my m/c I was living in Queensland. I'm in Melbourne now and would also be happy to meet you, you too Katie

, a good debrief over coffee could probably help us all.

Nicki- I'm sure you'll get your groove back. Sometimes these men need a bit of a head smashing don't they.

Magda- Sucks when family act that way. My dad has said a few hurtful things to me since the m/c. I'm not sure whether they try to be deliberately hurtful or they just don't think, or both. Big Hugs and try not to let them get you down.

plc- just do what you want to do, a month isn't going to make much difference. You never know you may be lucky!

:hugs: Brecca, sending you positive vibes for next month.

Well I finally made it to the doctor and she has given me a full blood test to do. She is giving me the full work up. I haven't been to get it done as I don't fancy walking in 35 degree heat to get it, especially when I have to fast for it. I'll get it done by the end of the week.
Next week I am off to Tassie for a week so my daughter can see her biological father. Really don't want to go, but it's the first time she has been there and I don't feel comfortable leaving her for 9 days, she is only 3, and it's a big change. I think once she has been once, she will be happy to go on her own next time to stay, all i'd have to do is escort her on the plane.
It's all for her is what I tell myself.

So ... I am hoping by April should be officially back on the TTC band wagon.
By then *fingers crossed* will be in our new house, new car, and Abby all settled in new creche, and me going grey over Uni assignments hehe, will need a lot of DTD for relaxation.

Hope you all are well,
...Laura

**mollycat** · February 19th, 2008, 09:09 AM

Magda - it's amazing how the people who are supposed to look out for you can be the one who hurts you. My mother often can't wait to tell me who in our family is pg, most of the time it's cousins kids (like I know these people, I could walk past them in the street - and probably do). My MIL came out with a good one the other day, she was talking about someone she knew who had a 22yo, 16yo and 5yo and carrying on about the 11 years between children. I quietly said to her "our's would have been 11 years apart. to which she replied " yes, but you didn't plan it". Well, I would have thought the years of seeing Dr's and taking clomid, operations, check ups, would have been "planning it", but there you go. I just let her go and told DH later. Proves they're self centred. Anyway, we're still TTC but won't be letting anyone know if it works until we can't hide it anymore. We don't need all the negative comments.

I'm into "self preservation" mode at the moment with the client that announced her pg 2 weeks ago, I am polite, will dicuss her current baby with her, but totally ignore any comments about her pg, I hope at some stage i can get past this, i don't want to ruin our relationship but feel this is how i can get thru at the moment.

Magda · February 19th, 2008, 11:07 AM

1180: Thank you. It is a good thing you are getting all checked up by the dr. I know what you mean about getting blood work and you have to fast, I can't leave my house without a cup of coffee. But atleast you are going to get it over and done with.

Mollycat: I am with you Mollycat since my family lives in New York and I am in PA I will avoid going to NY until I am 5 or 6 months. I can't let my family and friends get me down with their negativity but sometimes it's so hard.

Thank you both.

**plc1805** · February 19th, 2008, 12:00 PM

Firstly - so many thanks to all of you for your words of comfort, encouragement and support. Secondly - I feel we need a huge

in here cos everyone is so down (and for good reasons) and we just need to pump some positivity through our minds/bodies/spirits!!! Special special hugs to those ladies particularly doing it rough.

That said, I'm afraid I'm now really not going to be able to share positivity as such but I really need to share this.

I've just come back from my OBGYN. As you may recall when I was having my crazy time last night that I wasn't sure about not TTC as the naturopath had suggested or to try anyway. After my OBGYN appt, I feel that all of my prior hysterics pale now cos I'm up against some other stuff. He basically said that 7 mths is considered a long while TTC especially when one will be 37 in May and not got a huge amount of time. I felt relieved at least that it was not all in my head and that I should be relaxing more - my concerns actually were well-founded. So I am booked in for a lap on Thursday morning to check what's going on, possibly endo, possibly something else, possible nothing at all and, if nothing, maybe it's unexplained infertility. I kind of didn't expect that I would need the lap and all that but, hey!, what makes me so special - heaps of people on here are dealing with those issues all the time. My DH doesn't get off scot free either - he has to get his boys checked out. I actually feel more sorry for him (he's so shy, poor guy) than I do me. Btw, the OBGYN doesn't believe in naturopathy, says acupuncture is ok-ish, and not to waste time by not TTC.
I have had a good cry - thought every thought from I'll be fine after the lap to "I don't want my son to be an only child" - now bring on Thursday. I can't get over how I can be so rooty-tooty fertile one minute and "all dried up" the next. Sigh!....

Trying to stay positive .....

Magda · February 19th, 2008, 12:27 PM

PLC1085, I am sorry that you are feeling down. Try to stay positive and keep trying while you and your mate are being checked out. Find the positive in this you are going to find out if there is a problem so that you can alliviate it and have a baby and if there is nothing wrong then you will be able to relax so that you could have a baby. RELAX what the H*** is that, I know I feel this way too but I am trying so hard. I am in BDg stage and I don't even know if I am o or what, I am taking my temps but I don't take them at the same time every day so my chart is all over the place and I don't check for CM. So I don't know what is happening but I should o either today or tomorrow, I have BD saturday and sunday and possible today or tomorrow. And this is all I can think of. I think we all have to try to relax this is not healthy for all of us.

I hope you start feeling better.

**Baby Angels** · February 19th, 2008, 01:25 PM

First things first..... does 1805 mean 18th may by any chance.

Second...... Dont stress over the OBGYN. I m still to find an FS and a Naturapath or accupunturist that acctually agree. My last FS was an very clever A****Hole. I ve not once ever mentioned his name in here but damn sometimes I wish he read these sometimes and knew it was him i was talking about.

Conception is a whole body issue. To me my FS, who rushed us onto IVF because I was sooooooooo old, was very clever from a medical point of view, he diagnosed endo within minutes and the operated and removed it all, he maybe shouldnt have done it with a day surgery lap but he did, once again an A********. It took weeks to recover from that. He was however clever enough to diagnose it, i had been going to GP s for years complaining about abdominal pain, not one ever mentioned Endo.... I didnt even know what it was.... As it turned out my body was riddled with it, squashing my ovaries and all sorts of nice stuff. My Naturapath on the other hand helps with my general health which then also helps with the health of my eggs and assists with conceptions. The accupunture... WHICH by the way hurt like all get up last time.... she called it the pre 'o' session and tomorrow I have the "sticking" session.... Pain Pain Pain. Oh well, after it all I normally feel quite good, in better spirits etc..... which by the way could be the best thing for me at the moment... still chitty but trying not to be.

The one thing I would say PLC1805 is make sure anything they say or do or suggest feels right within yourself. If you feel uncomfortable with any of them CHANGE. As for DH i m the wrong person to feel sorry for a DH at the moment after all his proceedure leaves him with a smile on his face.... I wasnt smiling after my lap.

Goodness I really do have to smack myself around a bit i think..... what a negative little soul I am at the moment...

Ok Cyber cake for all i think..... Big Pieces.... THICK chocolate Mud with the icing dripping down the sides with just a tad of fresh cream to the side. And a big big cup of fresh coffee..... cyber coffee..

**tina_k** · February 19th, 2008, 02:55 PM

hello Melbourne girls,
id love to meet up for a coffee and a debrief. Im new to this so im not really sure how to go about getting your details. Please help, and lots of positive vibes to all today.