TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February 08

[berecca623]

Tempus -So sorry for you FIL, it is hard to watch and wait and know there is nothing you can do except try to make their passing as easy as possible for them.

Starrysky - I too have got my hopes up and am beating them down with a stick. I am only 6dpo and have to go to the loo heaps, tender breasts, constipation, and I feel wierd bloated in the stomach, not like when AF is coming. I keep telling myself that its because its still a short time since m/c (Nov 25) and I am just reading things into it, but it is hard to stay sensible and calm!

I realised I never shared my story with you ladies so here is a shortish version. DH and I were married in Sept 06 and went on a 6 week honeymoon in Europe. DH had been wanting to have children from about a year before the wedding but I felt that there was so much to do, so much time as we were still young, and personally I wanted to be married first (not that I am knocking anyone who chooses kids first as it could have gone that way for me too!) We got back from the honeymoon and I went off the pill the day we arrived. For 4 months no AF but nothing but BFN's. I had so many tests. B'ding started to hurt a lot and then in March 07 got the news I had pre-cancerous cells in my cervix so I had what's called a cone biopsy to remove them (they take a part of your cervix). Of ocurse being me I haemmoraghed after the op and was rushed back in, DH hadn't been informed and when I wasn't back in recovery when he expected me, and no-one could tell him where I was he panicked. Needless to say he cried when he finally got to see me. Anyway we were then told no babies until at the very least I got the all clear at 6 month checkup. That was in early Nov 07 and got the all clear which was great because nothing was certain and we may have had to wait longer, or more surgery. A week later we found out I was pregnant and felt like FINALLY something had come easy to us, we hadn't been seriously trying but in all honesty I wasn't careful as I was hopeful to get the all clear. At 6 weeks I had the m/c and was devestated. It happened the day I told my family I was pregnant. At times I kick myself for not starting our family all those years ago when my DH was pushing for it, I could already have a child now. Sometimes I think that if I could have at least one I would be able to handle it better if that was it. Then again probably not. So there it is.

Fingers crossed for a BFP next Sunday! I am testing a day early as it is the weekend, DH and I have the whole day together, unlike any other day in the week, and I can sleep in a little and still use FMU. It will also make it easier if I am going to get AF I would prefer to see the BFN instead of blood being the first sign. That's why I decided for a slightly earlier test (only 1 day though!)

[Canary]

Hi Girls,
Brecca, thank you for sharing your story. I don't want to put your hopes up too much, but your symptoms sound encouraging. I have my fingers crossed for a BFP from you, and of course, all of the other 2ww ladies.

Hello to the new ladies, I hope that your journey here is a short and successful one.
Tempus. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Well, AF has finally left (but she did wait until the day after I bought a HUGE box of tampons) and I feel terrible. I have an awful cold and ache from my head to my toes. My BBT has gone up by a whole degree and I am feeling quite pessimistic about my chances of conception this month.

I have to go out now. I am meeting up with a friend, her husband and her 6 month old duaghter. Oh, joy, just what I need!
Better go, I'm late. Sorry to be a bit of a misery, guys, I'll try and be more chirpy next time.

[Antheia]

Well i'm out. AF is here now

[tempus moriendi]

Thanks everybody. I just came back from the hospital and FIL is critical but stable--no worsening or improvement.
I'm only six days into this cycle, but the stress is beginning to show in my chart. My temp looks like a saw-tooth pattern. but I"ve been writing all the events of these past days right onto the chart so when I go to the FS and when I O (and I presume it will be delayed this month) I'll have a clearer picture of stress/fertility.

hopingsoon: sending encouragement vibes. have you been charting temps? that would give you a more accurate picture.

Trac73: enjoy your honeymoon. you guys really need some r&r right now.
I'm going to give you two bits of information and they might be contradictory. The best way to concieve at all is the every other day method. To concieve girls, you want to bd not too close to O because the x swimmers are slower and longer lived and the y swimmers are quicker and shorter lived.
Good luck!

Starrysky: Yeah, IKWYM. after my third mc (work found out about it) the only co-worker who said anything to me about it had had 2mc's of her own and she was really helpful. everybody else tiptoed around me like I was dynamite. I thought I would scream

berecca623: you've really been through the ringer, haven't you? but please don't berate yourself for not trying sooner. Not only is it completely useless, how do you know you would have had a baby anyway? there's no guarantees. but i"m keeping fingers crossed for you.

Canary: sending encouragement vibes. you sound like you need it

Antheia: sorry about af

[plc1805]

Berecca - I agree with Tempus - there's no saying you would have had children anyway should you have started earlier. GL for next weekend - sending you good vibes.

Tempus - my prayers are with you, your FIL would be taking great comfort knowing you are there for him.

Sending encouragement and good vibes to the other ladies who particularly need it right now....

[hopingsoon]

Hi Tempus. I am still thinking of you and your fil and husband. It is a hard time for you. Yes I have been temping but that has been playing with my mind. After o it went up to 36.51 (my coverline is 36.1) it then went stayed around 36.46 for a number of days and then dropped to 36.28 then stayed around 36.3 for 3 days and yesterday went to 36.41 and I had a very small amount of spotting and that would have been when af was due if it was a normal cycle so I figured af was coming. But today it went to 36.57 and still no sign of af. So basically I am still just waiting. I did take a pregnancy test just a few days after miscarriage and it was bfn.

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. So much to catch up on!

Tempus - I will keep you and your family in my prayers. It must be a very difficult and upsetting time for you, but I can tell that you are a caring person and I am sure your FIL can sense that.

Good luck to all those in the 2WW - I hope it isn't too maddening for you. I am CD9 and getting ready to O. Why is it better to BD every other day? Is it more so you can see what kind of CM is being produced without getting it confused with BD? If that makes sense?

Berecca - I understand how you question what would have happened if you had not waited. I married in Nov 06 and DH wanted to start trying straight away but I kept putting if off. So now I often think what was I waiting for! I think we all assume that when we decide we want to fall pregnant it will just happen with no problems (and why shouldn't we believe that) and then when you MC or have difficulties it comes as a complete shock to the system. Don't be too hard on yourself. It is very hard and cruel losing our first so I understand your feelings. I feel that the innocence and pure joy that I experienced up to 20 weeks has been stripped from me forever.

DH and I had a great talk on Friday night and I think we really got to understand how each are feeling. It was useful because we now both feel we are on the same team again and wanting the same things. Grief can make it very difficult to remain a close relationship so I am really happy that we have worked through this.

We are also attending a SIDS support group on Tuesday night for the first time - there will be parents there who lost children at all stages from MC through to still birth and beyond. It is the night before my birthday so I am hoping it is a helpful experience and won't bring me down - but I doubt it will.

That is it from me for now, have to go as am very hungry!!!

[Baby Angels]

Tempus..... I do hope you are doing ok........My thoughts are with you... Nothing I can really say, I sat by my Nana s bed for 10 days. She passed and then I sat by her bed while I rang my mother (her daughter) to tell her and wait for her to drive the hour and a half to the hospital. It is the journey of life as I have heard many times....... but that doesnt stop it hurting like hell. HUGE HUG

Canary.... sometimes its just a little harder to be chirpy..... hope todays a better day for you :nana: ...... did that help at all

Starrysky....Those shoes are ugly shoes..... they hurt..... but as you stated.... we all have a pair...... As for getting your hopes up.... pretty much impossible not to. Every twinge.... every thought that it might have been a twinge (even thought it could be gas) but every "sign" .....Ohhhhh maybe... just maybe.

ll80....Laura..... Completely understand your anxiety. My one month was a week before yours, it didnt help that AF was visiting.... I cried at anything... I cried for nothing... I just cried. I wondered how I would cope mentally if i acutally did get the BFP..... and I really just do not know. Part of me thinks I will become this mother who talks to her stomach ALL the time...l because in the back of my mind I will be taking every possible moment I can..... But I really just do not know how I m going to cope with it. ..... big hug for you

Anthonysmom..... I m glad your tests are over.... Through my IVF cycle and the operations before the IVF.... I really was sick of it all.... I quickly forgot about it all when I got the BFP and my little angels started growing. Have fun with the BD and if i dont see you over the next few days......' I KNOW WHAT YOU VE BEEN DOING '

Nickster..... fingers crossed for you girl

Katiegirl...... Glad to hear DH and you are both feeling closer again. DH and I had a major chat while we were away. The whole process over the last 6 months has driven a wedge between us and its something that just has to be worked on.

Ok well where am I at.... Well i forgot to pack my thermometer so havent taken my temps while I was away. I am here tonight and tomorrow night and then up the the Sunshine Coast for another damn conference..... The only good part is that Hubby comes with me.... so on Valentines Day..... which by the way sits in perfectly with "o".... hubby and I will be locked away in our room to be undisturbed . Tuesday Morning I m back for pre "o" accapunture. I then go and pick up my babies. I took them to the crematorium on the 8th of January and picked out the urn. Typical me type fashion.... I liked the one that had to be imported from the states. Apparently it has now arrived and I will be picking it up, with my babies now in it, on tuesday after my accupunture..... I m quite anxious about it... I then have to go straight up to the coast so i m not sure whether to take them with me or leave them at home.... isnt that strange... Could you imagine the people who clean the motel rooms coming through and seeing an urn.... but then again i just feel strange about leaving them at home on their first night back.... I know I know I know.... sounds like the most insane comment you could make.... but thats where I m at... I feel bad about possibly leaving them at home....

Anyway..... To every one i havent gotten to.......

Here s to a great week and a couple of BFP

[tempus moriendi]

Thanks everybody. FIL still status quo. not better or worse. and my chart still looks funny.

hopingsoon: as long as your temp doesn't go below the coverlid (and you dont' have full flow), it counts as an elevated temp and you're still in the luteal phase. you can have some fluctuation. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Katiegirl: my understanding is that every other day is partly so you can see the CM, but also because it gives the sperm adequate time to build back up. but remember, this is just stacking the odds. Plenty of people do it every day and get preg, and we've all heard stories of some little teenybopper who did it only once and got preg.

Angel Babies: sending cyberhug for encouragement when you have to pick up your precious babies urn. I can't imagine how heartrending. I'll be praying for you.

[bettyboop]

wow i go away for a day or so and now i have so much to read,sending a big hug to you all.will come back later.

[Canary]

:nana: Hi, yes that did help, it made me laugh. I don't have a fever today and am just left with a runny nose, so feel much, much better. I hope that everything goes well when you bring your babies home. I am sure that you will be pleased with your special choice of urn and that it will be worth the wait and the distance that it travelled.
I think that a lot of us will be busy on valentines day . For me, it will be about 3 days before the first day that I might O. DH says that we should BD every day, despite what I tell him about the every other day theory.

Tempus, I am thinking of you, I hope that you are doing OK.
Antheia, I am sorry about AF, I hope that she doesn't stay too long.
Katie, good luck for your meeting. I hope that you find many kind and supportive people there. Have a happy birthday the day afterwards.

I had better go as am supposed to be making dinner. I'll catch up with you all later.

[hopingsoon]

I have heard of people buying a necklace of some sort where you can put some of your precious angel babies in and carry them with you close to your heart where ever you go. I don't know if that is too weird for you or not.

My temps are still higher today then they have been the whole cycle with af due in 2 days. I'm too scared to go and buy a test even though I could get a result now. I will just keep waiting.

[plc1805]

I have heard of those necklaces - they look great!!!

Well girls - sorry for TMI but when I saw a brown smudge on my pants last night before bed, I still had hope cos I was feeling pretty good compared to previous cycles. But this morning, there is no doubting AF and my good feeling I can only attribute to the herbs I'm taking. So I guess I'm out for this month. I'm ok, wasn't upset but disappointed. The thing is that the naturopath (who I saw for first time 2 weeks ago when I could have been pg already) did say to be careful so as not to get pg til she sees me in one month's time as I could potentially m/c again due to deficiencies. So I guess I'm out for next cycle too ......

Sending you and lots of good vibes!!! I'll be around...

[Katiegirl]

Angelbabies - I just thought I would send a quick message about not wanting to leave your angels. We took Nathaniel with us at Christmas to MIL house - when I say we took him - we took his box which contains his ashes, and other items like U/S photos, outfit etc. I knew she would be thrilled that we were showing it to her, as it is very private and we have only shown a couple of people. We then went and stayed at FIL house, and I didn't want to take the box as I wasn't sure they would understand how important it is, so I asked MIL to look after it. She loved it and even wrote a note thanking us for allowing her to look after Nathaniel, which was sweet. Even still I would have felt terrible leaving him somewhere where he wasn't looked after, so I understand how you feel. I say take it if you think it will put my mind at rest, or get them babysat by someone who cares.

PLC - sorry that AF has arrived, but good luck for this cycle. My naturopath said the same thing to me 2 weeks ago. I am sure you will be feeling great next cycle and ready to go.

I am going to hopefully O over the next few days like the rest of you (insync how strange), so fingers crossed a couple of us have good news in 2-3 weeks.

[ll80]

Wow, stay away for a few days and so much to catch up on.

Angel, If you and hubby are comfortable with taking them with you then I would, or as Katie said have them babysat so you know they are well looked after.

Well i got through Friday and yesterday AF arrived so I think I was just a bit all over the place as I usually am a day or two before af arrives. Just typical "good" timing isn't it.
I had the worst pains last night, I don't think it was anything to do with af, more really bad gas. Now this may be tmi but the iron pills have been backing me up a bit and with af was a bit too much for my poor old tum to handle. Once I dropped what could only be described as an old forest log I felt much better. Oh dear lol... I need some serious help, sorry ladies

Today I am feeling more positive about everything. I have gone from not wanting to TTC to wanting to go full steam ahead. I really need to try and be patient as I want to be moved into new house first and get checked out by doctor. I really hate not having a car so I can get the ball rolling on this.
Hopefully by next weekend we will be buying one YIPEEE!

Hi to all the newbie, wishing you the best of luck.

got to run, catching the bus to the shops soon, I feel like I am 16 again heh.

...Laura

[Magda]

Hi ladies,

I am sorry I have not been on since I was going through my miscarriage in early January. I had another issue at home which has been very hard for me and has kept me away. Then I forgot my password and had to reset it.

I see that there are alot of new ladies on here, welcome everyone this is a great place to be in our situation.

Since there are alot of new ladies here, I will just give you my info. I had a missed mc, found out on 12/24 at 8 wks that there was no heart beat. Had the actual mc on 1/5 two wks later. Got my 1st af on 2/5 and will be ready to start again next week. I am excited and scarred.

I do have a question I went on FF and put in my temps and it counted 2/5 and 2/6 as cd1 on both days I am alittle confused about that, does anyone know why that is?

Canary I am in the same boat as you I will be BDing on valentine's day as well I should be 4 to 5 days before Ovulating. So I will be doing it every other day from Valentine's on.

Angel Babies, I love your avatar, how do I get one. Also, I know I am a little late but I just got my 1st af after my m/c on Feb 5 and it was extremely heavy, wow. That was really cleaning. So I guess from it being the same way with you and also there was someone else, I am sorry I can't remember your name, that it was a normal 1st af after m/c.

TM I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. Hey TM where do live in PA, I am in PA too.

berecca623 don't beat yourself up about not having a baby sooner. You know I have been thinking about having a baby for going on 2 years now. I really wanted to have a baby, but I thought I was too old. then finally in Oct 07 I decided I am going for it, I got pregnant in Nov and found out on Dec 24th that the baby had no heart beat at 8 wks. I thought the same thing, I should have had a baby back two years ago and I was beating myself up over it. But we can't change what has happened we just have to put our energies in going forward.

Well that's all right now. Have a great evening.

[Anthonysmom]

Hi ladies - Just thought I would drop in and say hi. DH is away tonight at a sleep study and I am bored. funny thing is I have tons to do. I should be Oing on Tuesday so DH and I have been BDing the past 2 days. i told him he has 2 more days to go. i am hoping to hve a BFP by March 1. sorry for the lack of personals but i just remembered I need to do laundry before I go to bed.

barbara

[nicksterUK]

Hi everyone and a special for the new ladies, wishing you all a comforting recovery and some lovely BFPs soon xx

Well, I've been stewing on the fact that af is due tomorrow and no sign or symptoms of pg- only 'yucky tummy' aches, so I'm guessing i'll be out for another month. I did buy a tester kit (probably jinxed myself! ) but suspect it will sit in the drawer a while longer now. If af does come tomorrow it means 28 day cycle has resumed, so I suppose that's something.

Far too many personals to do, but HUGE hugs and tonnes of for you all-
I've got strawberry cheesecake on the go- and there's plenty of cyber slices for you lot too xxxxxxxx