TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 07 #1

[satya]

Hi everyone,

Jayney - Thanks for the kind words. I really did need the support. I am an emotional wreck right now. Too much has happened this year and it just keeps getting worse and worse. A neighbour offered to take me to the funeral but I couldn't possibly take him up on it.... how on earth would have I explained bringing a stranger with me..... no one in the family apart from my parents know that DF has moved out and they don't know the full story as they would be very concerned if they knew. My mum just can't have that kind of stress placed on her.

Dawneee - I can't believe that people were so insensitive to you when they knew what was going on... it's just awful. I haven't posted what has happened but there are two major issues - one is trust related and the other is an anger issue.... they are very intertwined. He says he's getting help for the anger tomorrow....I hope he does. I have been quite paranoid since number 2 m/c and once I get a bit sus on something I pretty much can't see it any other way. I have seen him pretty much every day but when he leaves I just wonder what he's doing and who he's with, it's torture. My friends who know most of the details but not all are telling me to walk away but will support me in my decision however it turns out in the end. Have a great time rafting.

Ok, I'm adding to this as I've come to a decision. I am flogging a dead horse thinking that my DF & I will work out. I'm pretty sure he has Borderline Personality Disorder but is undiagnosed. His sister has it and his mother agrees with me. He has so many of the symptoms, I am sure it is the case. He has been abusive towards me, he has cheated on me and I think he is doing so again. All he's admitted to so far is seeing a woman behind my back for coffee but I'm sure there's more to it. Risky sex is one of the behaviours with BPD as are careless driving, anger, inability to keep jobs, inability to keep friends, loving people one minute then hating them because of some small issue the next. He lies a lot. It is a mental illness and he needs help but I don't think I can hang around to see it happen. My ex husband was mentally ill and I just can't do this again. It is soul destroying. What on earth have I been doing thinking of still having a child with him. That was soooooo hard to admit to but it's out there now.