Klee - you are already stronger than I could imagine myself to be in the same situation. I am so deeply sorry for what happened and that you lost your lovely baby.
Is there a health psychologist attached to your local hospital you could speak to, if you are not already undergoing counselling? Counselling is ace when you find a good counsellor who can provide you with some constructive avenues of thought.
If you feel a bit detached from it sometimes, don't feel bad, just go with it. There are other times when you will feel like you're being ripped apart...maybe the detached feeling is a way for you to give yourself a break, you need that in order to go on and function, perhaps. It's worth talking to someone about it, to get feedback about how you are going to move on from here. And you will :hugs: