Loss of 1st child at 37+ weeks

[Mel1977]

Oh Klee - I am so sorry to hear about your darling little Phoebe I really wish I could say something to take away your pain but I can't, noone can. What you feel right now is so many mixed emotions, none of them good ones. It is so normal to feel everything all at once and then suddenly it seems like you feel nothing at all. You have a broken heart, but one that cant be mended by anyone or anything.

I lost my son Nicholas at 36w1d, 6 and 1/2 months ago now, and I have to admit I still cry for him nearly every day. Nicholas was also my first and only child, although I didn't lose him to a cord accident, instead it was due to a blood disorder that I was unaware I had. Sometimes I can get through the day without crying at some point (I call those my "strong" days) but generally not. I constantly think about him and I constantly think all of the things Lynn mentioned, why why why / what if what if what if. And I still feel like you mentioned, alot of the time I just sit there thinking this is not real, its all a bad dream and I am going to wake up soon. I feel like I am not the same person I used to be and nor will I ever be again.

I cant say too much more after Lynn's post, everything she said echoes every single feeling and thought I have. You will find so much support in this thread and feel free to let your emotions out to us if you need to, without these wonderful women I have no idea where I would be right now - if anywhere. Sometimes it is my best outlet for these things as I find other people just dont and cant understand. I hate it each time someone else has to join this thread because I know the road they must travel, and sometimes it feels like that road has no end but I keep hoping that someday there will at least be a detour sign.

You have shown strength by posting in here, I remember my very first post (also about a month afterwards) and I was terrified. Feel free to say anything you like to us, feel free to let out any emotions you need and to vent all of your frustrations.

Please know that you, your family and Phoebe are in my thoughts and if you need anything at all we are all here for you :hugs:

Love Mel