Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage Feb/March 08

[tempus moriendi]

I think the universe is $crewing with me. I just found out my grandfather is very sick. My first thought was "but we're already in mourning!!!" DH and I are very overwhelmed right now.

Katiegirl: Glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. I really think sometimes laughter is a very good (if not the best) medicine. But all the same I really hope you don't have to wait TOO long to TTC.

[Simba]

hi all,

still no AF for me - now day 29 but not really sure of normal cycle length so dont know when to start to get hopeful. i want to get excited by am also trying to convince myself that it wont happen so that i wont be so disappointed if AF arrives. this last week for me has flown - it feels like the first time i have felt that since Lani died - time just seemed to drag in this torturous twisted reality but hopefully this week is a sign of normality slowly creeping back.

i met up tonight with a lecturer from uni who i still had contact with over the years since been working. only found out since Lani that her first baby died (full term like Lani) i has been nearly 12 years since he died and she now has 2 beautiful girls. we had the most wonderful 2 hour conversation and she had many words of wisdom for me. it has been so important for me to find someone who has been through the same or similar journey to me and now i feel like i've found that person. that sounds like i am not thankful to all of you - please know that i am more than words can say.

Jo and Sonni - hope that AF doesnt arrive for you and that at least one of us can have a BFP this month!

Katiegirl - so glad that you have found the new OB - he sounds absolutely wonderful. seeing him every week would be so helpful i think and i dont think you will get sick of it!! i know i wouldnt! hopefully you only have to wait the 4 weeks. i will have my for you.

[Simba]

TM - forgot to send to you. so sorry to hear about your grandfather. it must be so hard to deal with more grief right now hope that you have the support that you need to get through.

[tempus moriendi]

Simba: Thanks. No new word, so I guess he's status quo.
But I just wanted to share with you--after my third MC, women seemed to come out of the woodwork to share their stories with me--I didn't even know some of them had ever had an obstetric loss. But it made me feel less alone.

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. I need to vent about a conversation I had yesterday with my older brother. He and his wife had a baby back in November, about 1 week before we found out about losing Nathaniel.

Lately when he calls my mobile and leaves a message, he always pretends to be his baby talking to me. It has started to grate a bit - as the other night I had a rough day and then get this baby message - he does actually talk but he says it is the baby etc. So I had spoken to my mother about it and she said she would tell him that sometimes I am having bad days and getting these messages doesn't help. I don't want him thinking that i am not happy for their baby and I love him etc. Anyway I went to call him yesterday, and had started to think that I had over-reacted etc and was going to tell my mum not to say anything. Anyway we are both chatting on the phone and he asks about my week - so I say work okay and then decided to say we had met the new Ob. I thought it would be a good idea to share this. So firstly he said something about it being good to be organised. I then said that this ob specialises in women who have lost babies. And that is when it all went downhill. He said 'so did you tell him you are careless?' I wasn't sure I heard him right but then he said it again. I asked him what he meant and he said 'did you tell him you lose things or misplace things'. He was joking of course but he just kept going, saying things like 'you will forget where you put the baby and only find it when it cries'...I was in shock he was saying this to me, and just kept saying 'What are you on about' What do you mean? Eventually I said ' ARe you saying this because I said 'lost' a baby' and all he replied with was 'You will have to tie a know in your hankerchief to remind you'. We then both had to go - but I was just shocked that he had made a joke about all of this. It is in such bad taste. You don't joke with someone who has suffered a loss only 3 months ago. So I called my mum this morning to tell her and she was in shock as well. He obviously thought he was joking around but it is in such bad taste. His first wife died unexpectedly 5 years ago, and I would never have dreamt (nor would now) of telling him he is careless for misplacing her! I just can not understand why he show such a lack of judgement. It also means that I am even more reluctant to speak to him.

I don't think I could be bothered talking to him myself about it. DH and i have enough on our plate without having to deal with a stupid joker - so mum said she will say something.

Does everyone else agree this is out of line?

[Simba]

oh Katiegirl your brother is definitely out of line on so many levels. firstly to ring and pretend to be the baby - in another situation that could in some ways be cute but in your situation it is soooo insensitive! and then to make a joke about "losing" a baby as if you are forgetful that is just so thoughtless. you are right its doesnt mean you dont love him or are not happy for him but some people, even the ones we love, just dont get it.

i dont know about you but i have found myself saying "my baby died" not that "we lost her" i'm not sure if i do it to impact more on people or to shock them more. i guess i hate having to make something nice and easier for other people to deal with when it certainly isnt nice and isnt easy for us!

for me at the moment i am really struggling with people telling me how great i look - in other words lost all the weight after the baby. and yes i am "back in my pre-pregnancy jeans" and no "i dont have any stretch marks" but dont they get that i would rather be the size of a house, covered in stretch marks and be holding my Lani. i know they are saying it to be positive and be nice but to be honest i just dont care! so there's my venting!!

hope everyone is going well. I'm on CD 31 did HPT yesterday morning and BFN but still not AF so i guess its still hopeful. i think i didnt get BFP till day 43 with Lani so there is still a chance for this month.

[Katiegirl]

Thanks Simba. I am just so shocked that the most insensitive comments have come from my own brother. My sister had two late mcs as well so it isn't like this is the first time for my family to deal with this. I know he was thinking he was being funny, but it was so off the mark I can't even begin to understand what he was thinking.