Oh, god, Laney.

I've been lurking around during the holidays but haven't responded as we've been up with DH's family and I didn't want to spend too much time at the computer. I've been reflecting on all of the pain you guys are feeling now during the holidays. I feel very lucky in comparison that the holidays are not making anything better or worse for me, as even when pregnant with Beiron I was so focused on the pregnancy and its complications that I never got around to picturing what would come afterwards; and since I'm lucky enough to be confidently pregnant again now I am not suffering the kind of grief that many of you are because of Christmas. My ghosts lie in other areas. However, everything you are all feeling is so perfectly understandable, and I feel deeply for every one of you.

And I really am shocked by Laney's story. I shared it immediately with my DH who is sitting here at his computer next to me, and he just can't believe his ears. I'm so, so sorry that your sister had the incredibly poor judgment to say those things to you. I don't know if she's usually like that or if this was a freak occurrence, but either way I'm crying and angry on your behalf. I have experience with being constantly hurt by a person who is "supposed" to support me and love me (in my case, my mom), so I've had to really step back and deprogram and learn that her opinion does not matter. I'm so sorry that you have to be in this tense family situation.

I'm so sad for what you guys are going through, but I'm just trying to close my eyes and imagine future Christmases where you will all be able to be happier and more at peace. I know there's a lot of **** between now and then, but it will be worth it.