OH hun, I couldn't agree with you more. Yes we are already mothers. My chiro has always pointed that out to me. Each and every month we nurture and prepare. i have often said that I sometimes feel like I have had so many kids...nothing else can explain the pure exhaustion we often feel.
I think you should stay here. I have no idea why you wouldn't. I don't understand what is wrong with choosing the ED route. Please ignore my ignorance. I don't get what the problem might be. This is your choice and making this decision might be the perfect next step for you.
I also think this is fab hun and very exciting. You go girl. Sometimes we don't get to pick how our children come to us. I believe we are the strong women chosen to have our angels. I also think that your next baby may choose a different route to the last. It is more complicated than most understand. Whatever happens...it will be perfect hun. I have such faith in you. You will do what ever is right when you follow your heart, head and gut hun. xoxooxoxox
CD16 and hanging in there...approx 7-8DPO. I have a very good feeling. I woke up this morning and I was semi awake. A voice said to me...(I know...I am hearing things) Are you taking your folic acid? As soon as i tried to focus on what was said and who said it...it disappeared. You know when you wake up and you are holding onto a dream, a feeling, a sense and the more you think about it or try to hold on to it...It drifts further from your mind. It was like that. I got up and took my multi.
I believe DD was with me today. A stone plaque caught my eye of a child with wings- fairy not cupid, and a mother. It was beautiful even though I am not normally into plaques. It looked like me and DD. Her tippy toed on my outstretched hand, flying with her little wings. Me standing below her with my feet on the ground, and she is placing flowers on my hair.
Then we chose another with a group of fairies dancing and skipping together though flowers. It is a reminder that she is not alone, and neither are we. It is a reminder of my dear friends on BB and other areas of our life and thier lost babies. So we bought that for them and for us. The medium did say last year that DD wanted a plaque to be remembered by. This might have been the one she chose. Funny how you find things. I have looked for something for months and today was a great day to find something we all liked. xoxo
Dory and Gigi - thank you both for being so understanding and saying such beautiful things. Your words have brought tears to my eyes and I am shaking while I am typing this. Having made this decision it feels so right for both of us. We finally feel like we have a very real chance to complete our family and hope that this works for us.
Gigi, the plaques that you have found so beautiful. I especially love your description of the baby girl balancing on her tippy toes on your hand putting flowers in your hair. What a beautiful picture! And the other plaque also sounds beautiful, recognising the other babies that surround your DD. Gorgeous.
Dory, thanks for your words. You mentioned previously that you were adopted and that felt special because of it. That is something that we want to make sure happens for our child. There is only one person IRL who we have shared this information with, apart from Drs and my TCM, and everyone has been so positive and supportive which is great. The only area which is hasn't been 100% supportive is my FS who has suggested I contact my GP about support through the ED process, which is what we were going to do anyway as she is much easier to get an appointment with than my FS, and a lot cheaper as well!
Thanks again to both of you for your understanding.
Gigi - LOL re the green thumb... me too best of intentions, but thwarted by the monotony of repetition. I think the plaque you've describred is just beautiful.... your DD just knew when she found the right one. BTW it's awesome to have our fur baby family together again, even though one littke blosssom struggled (hissing, growling, chuffing and then getting so worked up .... vomitting) with some patience, all have settled. I think it helps that the one who has been away no longer reeks of the vets but he is extra snuggly at the mo.. but that is not surprising.
Chez - I have no doubt your child will feel special.... IRL people may be more judgmental.... so if you encounter one, let Gi and me know and we'll hex them for you. Gi pls don't be offended by that.....
Last edited by dory; August 8th, 2010 at 05:55 PM.
: update
Hello lovely ladies
Chez - I agree with Dory and Gigi wholeheartedly. You and your DH obviously haven't reached this decision lightly and I say well done you. It must feel good to have a plan and way forward. I know I always feel better (lighter perhaps) with some sort of plan. Reading your post made me think of those donors and I just have to say what amazing women I think they are! They are providing such an awesome gift.
Gigi - I hope you caught that egg! You sound really positive. I take a lot of stock of what happens in our dreams. Too many things have happened that have come from my dreams - but that is another story. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you and will be stalking you to hear any news.
Thanks for all of the postitive vibes everyone. I have been biding my time hoping to provide some good news but ahhhhh it was not meant to be. AF has found its way to me again (boohoo!) A 21 day cycle - I wish my body can sort itself out! I think AP has helped a lot though as AF has been nice and red so far (sorry for TMI). Not too bummed though as I prepared myself better this month for the disappointment. I am also sworn off POAS after this cycle. I did get my hopes up at 13 dpo when temp was still high....nothing worse than seeing that single line.....
I have been kind of worried lately about Asherman's syndrome (uterine scaring) which was mentioned to me by my consultant after my last ERPC as he said he did have to be more agressive to get the last of the placenta. At least I am having periods but last month's brown period really worried me so I have decided to go to see a specialist here. Even if it just puts my mind at ease, it will be money well spent - DH agrees. I know I am going to be packing it as I don't know what I will do if he finds anything - the last thing I want is more surgery but I don't want to bury my head in the sand either. And it is easier to get it sorted earlier rather than later and whilst I am in London. Maybe I am just being a hypochondriac (there are enough in my family!).
Hello to Dory, Powelly, ChrisW, Kateo and Tess. Hope you are all OK! Babydust to you all.
Oh Suz..Bummer hun. I am sorry it is a BFN this month.
Happy that this AF is 'appearing' a better colour though. That has to be good. You must be healing well. I hope your specialist finds nothing to be concerned about. Will be thinking of you. Hypochondriac...no chance hun. You are a level headed chicka. Feelings about things like this are justified and normal. Good on you for being brave. xoxoxo i hope i have good news for you too soon. xoxo
Susie - sorry about the bfn.... but I am really liking your description of AF. My TCM practitioner says that is a good sign of getting the uterine lining/endometrium in good shape...... so good work, despite the shorter cycle. You know a shorter cycle means more BD'ing? He he.... I am being a little saucy here.
I think it's a good idea to get a second opinion.... no point ignoring your fears. Knowledge is power. Best to deal with it head on. I am so proud of you. And your DH for being so supportive. I know you'll be scared, but when you have your second opinion, you can then talk about it with your Dr and come up with a plan, if one is needed. Fingers crossed no special plan is needed and you get your two lines this cycle.....
I don't think you're a hypochondraic either. I was worried about Ahsermen's syndrome too, amongst many many things. To be honest, I think exploring as many optopns andeven if all you do if get to cross them off the list (and not get any other real answers), is part of the greiving and healing and looking to the future process.
BTW your DS must be coming up to his second birthday this month or has he already celebrated the big day?
We met a couple at one of our classes who are expecting twins. Both DH and I were upset when we first found out, but then we were both nervous for them, hoping that things would go well for them. I just got an email and they are now 27 weeks and their identicial twin girls are just going so well. It really made me feel so happy for them. I know they had been trying for a while and went through IVF for this pregnancy, so their journey hasn't been easy. We haven't shared ours yet, it just didn't seem right to. But it's amazing how other people's good news can make me feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy for them but sad that things didn't work out differently for us.... everone in here knows those feelings all too well.
Thanks for your support and understanding Dory. I have an appointment with the specialist next Thurs and I understand he can tell fairly accurately with a 3D ultrasound if there is any scarring so no need to go through a HSG (if all looks good from scan). I am going to ask him to check my lining as I'll be about cd12. I am feeling less worried as this AF progresses but a big AOK from him will stop my mind churning!!
My gorgeous DS turns 2 on the 29th! Thanks for asking. Gosh time flys. I was watching some video footage the other day of when he was a baby and he couldn't control his limbs...so adorable and made me remember those early days. You really do just forget them. Go buy a camcorder Dory if you don't have one!!
Knowing everything I now know about twin pregnancies, Dory, (too much knowledge is scary sometimes) I would have felt the same about that couple too. Glad to hear everything is going well for them.
FX to some BFP's in here this month!!
GL with your appointment Thurs. I had both ultrasound & HSG. HSG was not as bad as I thought it might be and also got my tubes flushed at the same time ( specialist called it similar to a grease and oil change and that in his experience those bfp's often come within a few cycles of the grease and oil change.... he was spot on for us).
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