TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

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Crumpet - what's a girl to do? I wish I could just wave my magic wand ( I do have one though, but I think the magic smoke escaped) to ease your pain and give you back your self confidence.

Who would think that 4 months can feel like eternity? But it does and doesn't. Honestly you are still so early on, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself.

At the same time, counselling sounds like it might help. Sometimes in our grief we get stuck, and need someone else to help us realise what we are stuck on and give us some ideas about how to get unstuck. I hope the lady at the hossy comes through.

I suppose the thing you need to hold close to your heart, is that you are a beautiful and strong woman, who has so much to offer all of those around you. I know it doesn't feel like that.

You are worthy of love, an in fact have been given the gift and heartache of the most wonderous kind.

I know at these times Gus seems so far away, but close your eyes, take a few moments, and reach out, he will be there, and he loves you. It doesn't take away the hurt, but sometimes just connecting like that really helps me. Maybe it might help you.

Big hugs sweetie. I believe in you.

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thanks dory......

ur a very sweet and insprirational person.....

crumpet - big hugs

Hi Everyone.. I am really sorry, no personals, I have had a quick read through though and wanted to say Crumpet I completely agree with Dory, the wise woman she is ;)

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Who would think that 4 months can feel like eternity? But it does and doesn't. Honestly you are still so early on, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself.

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.. big hugs to you and who ever else may need it including me :(.. AF arrived, but it's probably just as well, DP and I are at each others throats again.. I feel so guilty for still TTC when our relationship is in MAJOR trouble :( 1 postive, we saw a counsellor at Relationships Aus last night.. AWESOME AWESOME she was.. ATM we are still living together but seperated.. I can't believe I am writing this in a public forum, but I really feel like I know and can trust you all.. Well That's it from me, for now.. I'm cooking dinner and having a red wine..

every time I get here and try to post the world collapses around me so I'll try one night around 3am and hope for quiet.
hugs

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crumpet - big hugs

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thanks hun

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Hi Everyone.. I am really sorry, no personals, I have had a quick read through though and wanted to say Crumpet I completely agree with Dory, the wise woman she is .. big hugs to you and who ever else may need it including me :(.. AF arrived, but it's probably just as well, DP and I are at each others throats again.. I feel so guilty for still TTC when our relationship is in MAJOR trouble :( 1 postive, we saw a counsellor at Relationships Aus last night.. AWESOME AWESOME she was.. ATM we are still living together but seperated.. I can't believe I am writing this in a public forum, but I really feel like I know and can trust you all.. Well That's it from me, for now.. I'm cooking dinner and having a red wine..

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: im so so sorry to hear of the issues your having.....
i really hope the councelling works for you..
im just emabrking on a councelling journey myself....

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every time I get here and try to post the world collapses around me so I'll try one night around 3am and hope for quiet.
hugs

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: for u to hun

Blessed - oh sweetie - I am so glad that your counsellor was awesome. Makes such a difference to have somone you really connect with. Sorry to hear that you and DP are still doing it tough, I hope there is some light for you guys. Both you and DP must feel that way else you both wouldn't be TCC. Sweetie, in here is mostly annonymous, and even though its open to the public to read, most people are not going to know who you are, and sometimes it feels like there is just no where else that you can vent or express those the things that are on your mind. I have faith in you.

Angelic - Hope the world stops collapsing around you long enough one day soon. Thinking of you.

Hi everyone,

blessed - I'm glad you guys have found a good councellor, I really hope it helps xx

crumpet - I'm sorry you are feeling miserable about your b'day - I know all the milestones are hard when you have already imagined them all fat and preggers. I'm sure that you will not be pregnant next birthday either - cause you will already have a beautiful healthy bub in your arms!!:hug:

Tenibear - how are you?? I was thinking of you when we were at our appt yesterday - I hope yours went as well as it could have.

So I survived the follow up and the post mortem results. Basically it seems we were just really unlucky and hopefully there shouldn't be any significant risk for next bub. We have the green light to conceive next cycle (and got told we were naughty for not preventing this cycle, oh well!)

I feel quite relieved that it is all over and we can at least look forward, not that we will ever forget our special little first born.

take care
xx

I'm having a very angry day - just frustrated at the whole situation. Sorry to anyone who has me on facebook and felt confronted by the language I used in my status update :redface:
Re: my appointment, I've put it in my blog. Basically, all was normal (except, you know, the fact that he was dead) except one test came back with a borderline abnormality. They did another blood test, and if the results come back the same, that "might" have been the cause.

Hi ladies

Sorry it has been ages since I have posted. I have been thinking of you all and wondering what everyone has been up to.

Last weekend I had my ILs staying, so that was pretty busy but nice as well. And work continues to be very busy to the point that I am so tired when I get home that I have only just enough energy to shower and eat dinner. I am so luck that DH cooks!

Anyway, there has been so much to catch up on I will try for some persies but please forgive me if I miss you.

Gigi1 - I have been thinking of you and DD a lot lately. I really hope Ryan has found her too. I am sure they would be best of friends. I will be thinking of you this week. I hope you and DH can find some time to be together for the 1st anniversary :hug:

Dory - as always, kind and compassionate and understanding. Thank you for being that voice of hope in our thread.

Teni and Charlie - another milestone has passed for you both with your appointments. We found the lead up to the appointment with the Ob very stressful and were quite let down afterwards - I guess we wanted more answers other than it shouldn't happen again next time. I hope you are both doing ok.

Blessed - sorry to hear you and DP are having troubles but great news that you have found a counsellor who is helping. I think it shows how much your DP cares about you and your relationship to attend counselling - it's something a lot of men just won't do.

Angelic - I have been thinking of you recently. I hope you had time to visit Annabelle's grave with some fresh flowers. It is hard when the churn of daily life overtakes the important moments.

Crumpet - I know what you mean about being scared that the baby you lost might be the only baby you have. I spent a long time thinking and feeling that. It is hard to be positive sometimes but I am trying positive self talk and visualisation to try get myself out that negative space. I hope you get a BFP soon and CharlieB is right with her prediction!

Hi to Aries, samcougar, Beata and everybody else.

AFM, I ovulated last Sunday which was a little later than usual but still good. So I'm almost halfway through my 2WW. I don't rate my chances - I have been so stressed although I did go for a massage last week which was heavenly! I had AP on Wednesday morning which should have left me very relaxed instead I went to work with a killer headache and ended up having to deal with a stressful situation which made things even worse. By Thursday the headache was a bit better but I felt like a cold was coming on - I finished a box of tissues with my runny nose and watery eyes! So I have taken today off work - I probably could have gone in but I was so tired I slept for 12 hours so I am kind of glad I didn't. I spent the day just chilling out with the fur babies and watched The Pacific while they slept on my lap. Winter has arrived this last week so they love a warm lap to curl up on.

Anyway, DH should be home soon so I am going to go and shower. I hope everyone has a great weekend. :loveshower::grouphug::pink-babydust::SAAF: to all.

Just want to say a little hello to everyone before I leave on vacation. Tomorrow Yay! (If I can survive my MIL on this trip I will be thrilled. We already got into it today a little.)

Tenibear and Charlie B- I second Chez. Our follow up apt didn't tell me anything, and it was SO stressful for me. I am with you. It can be so frustrating to not have any answers. Sending you both a big hug.

Blessed- So sorry to hear that the fighting has picked back up. :grouphug:I am glad you guys found a great counselor and really hope that things turn out for the better and soon. I am also sorry AF arrived. Booo! Don't worry about posting things here....I think this is a wonderful and very supportive group, and I think that the forum is really hard to find and navigate sometimes---so I really don't think anyone will know. I really care about you and how you are doing. I am sure I don't know how hard things are for you right now, but I just want to say that we are rooting for you, and you will get through this!

crumpet- Happy early birthday!:dance::happybirthday: I won't have access to wish it to you later.I just want to say that I hear you and how you are feeling. I am often there myself. You are not alone, and there really is hope and lots to look forward to. I think that our losses make us realize how important children our to us and how much we sincerely want children to be a part of our lives. There is a quote that someone sent to me on an email and I often look to it for inspiration, when I am feeling really low. "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" ~Kahlil Gibran

Angelic Dragon- :grouphug: Hope things turn around a little bit.

Chez- nice to see you! Wishing you the best! I am :crossfingers: fro a BFP for you when I get back. Remember to take care of yourself.....sounds like you are uber-busy (I am just a s guilty) and feel better soon!

Gigi1- I love your pregnancy photo hobby. I think it is such a beautiful way to get something positive out of missing having pictures of yourself. I will be thinking of you and DD. And sending you a hug from the boat. Feel free to take a pause on your life and take a day to step out for yourself. You have so much going on in your life that can make things really hard at the moment. See if you can take some time to smile and do something you enjoy just for you, and maybe things will seem a little less overwhelming.

Dory- I also want to put in a big thank you for being so positive and wonderful on our thread. I think we all really treasure you. Hope your rest and baby growing is going well!

I will check back in when I return (in a week). Hopefully some relaxation at the beach...(yup just a little trip for me but I am excited) will be just the ingredient we need to conceive a little one. Oh please oh please oh please.

Sending you love and baby dust!

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crumpet - I'm sorry you are feeling miserable about your b'day - I know all the milestones are hard when you have already imagined them all fat and preggers. I'm sure that you will not be pregnant next birthday either - cause you will already have a beautiful healthy bub in your arms!!:hug:

So I survived the follow up and the post mortem results. Basically it seems we were just really unlucky and hopefully there shouldn't be any significant risk for next bub. We have the green light to conceive next cycle (and got told we were naughty for not preventing this cycle, oh well!)

I feel quite relieved that it is all over and we can at least look forward, not that we will ever forget our special little first born.

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thanks hun, i hope ur right!!!!
at the wedding yesterday i was sitting there going " i was meant to be 34 weeks preg and fat here and here i am just a normal person"

hun im glad the results wernt that bad, as in nothing dramatic, and yay for being allowed to get to it next month

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I'm having a very angry day - just frustrated at the whole situation. Sorry to anyone who has me on facebook and felt confronted by the language I used in my status update :redface:
Re: my appointment, I've put it in my blog. Basically, all was normal (except, you know, the fact that he was dead) except one test came back with a borderline abnormality. They did another blood test, and if the results come back the same, that "might" have been the cause.

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big hugs hun....... hope ur doing ok!

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Crumpet - I know what you mean about being scared that the baby you lost might be the only baby you have. I spent a long time thinking and feeling that. It is hard to be positive sometimes but I am trying positive self talk and visualisation to try get myself out that negative space. I hope you get a BFP soon and CharlieB is right with her prediction!

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thanks hun......good luck in the TWW!!!!!

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crumpet- Happy early birthday!:dance::happybirthday: I won't have access to wish it to you later.I just want to say that I hear you and how you are feeling. I am often there myself. You are not alone, and there really is hope and lots to look forward to. I think that our losses make us realize how important children our to us and how much we sincerely want children to be a part of our lives. There is a quote that someone sent to me on an email and I often look to it for inspiration, when I am feeling really low. "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" ~Kahlil Gibran

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thanks hun!!!!

i have my appt at the hospital at 11am on wednesday so hopefully something will happen there

Cmegels
Thanks for the temporary use of the universal remote...so I can pause life for a bit. Have a wonderful time away and bring us home a BFP please.

Chez
Thanks for your thoughts hun. It has been a tough week and we are getting there. We might get away for a night up to Mt Tamborine or something. We had our honeymoon up there many years ago and seeing as we plain forgot our anniversary this year....thought we might go up there for a family getaway. Hope the massage and Ap were what you needed despite the headache that followed. It might have been a long time coming and you body didn't know what to do! Good on you for staying home to get that sleep. Take care hun and hope life with Dh is going well too.

Dory,
Certainly no pressure. i am not a professional anyway hun and can't promise what they will turn out like...the offer is there. How are you feeling since the stitch? Do you feel you bubbas closer now more than ever with a new baby growing? Do you feel them all close in spirit? I know they are always with you but YKWIM.

Charlie B
Hmmm, the term 'unlucky' doesn't seem to cut it does it. You did well hun to get through that day. Good luck on your 2ww and hope it brings the surprise you deserve. Thanks for your lovely words sweet, you are so thoughtful.

Crumpet
'All stations' Love it! You made me chuckle- sounds good to me. Bummer about the job hun. It is amazing isn't how you rnew world can crumble at the drop of a hat. Don't be hard on yourself though sweet and expect you to be all fine by now. I think the counsellor sounds like a good idea but it is still so early to expect too much. I met a lady today who lost her son 8 years ago and she still has her new normal IYKWIM. It was of huge comfort for me to hear that from her. She was lovely and so very normal and made me feel ok for where I am at...took a lot of pressure off me. Gus would be mega proud of you hun. Happy Birthday for next week. I will say it now as I think I will be MIA for a bit of 'me' time. Have a wonderful day and although you are not pregas, you are still a mummy, don;t ever forget that. I knwo not how you would have dreamed, but true all the same.

Blessed
Thinking of you as you guys work through this. I am sorry it is so stressful for you both hun. I am thrilled you found a good counsellor first time round...that is a huge benefit. Hope you find some things to work on together. Like...i think it was dory said, the fact that Dh is there and going...is a great sign for you both. Thinking of you.

Angelicdragon
Hope your world stops spinning for a moment so you can have a moment soon hun. xoxo

AFM
I think I will force myself to be MIA for a week or so...I need the time to stop and think through a few things. I have too much going on right now and not enough time for me, DD and DH.
Thinking we might go away for a night or two.
Love, thanks and thoughts are with you all. xoxoxoox

Gigi - sweetie, even if you are MIA for a while, you will be never far from my thoughts and my heart. Take care of yourself.

Thinking of you for tomorrow, especially. ( if my calculations are right). Beautiful baby girl, never be far from your Mum, she needs you now more than ever.

I'll be back later to catch up properly but thanks for the nice words.... so sweet. You should all wiat til you meet me, I am a wench!

Thanks sweetie.
DD's date is 21st of April..Wednesday. Not that one day in particular is more special. But that was the day she was born.
Thank you Dory for your lovely thoughts, words and love. xoxoox

Hi everyone. I just thought I would pop in as this is a section of the forum that got me through very dark times after we lost our first baby, a boy Nathaniel at 20 weeks. I have been reading some of your stories and wanted to send you all hugs and hope for the future. I know that it is heartbreaking and life shattering to have to farewell your babies, but I hope you find some strength in here with each other to take each day as it comes. I am now the happy mum to an earth baby Anna who is 17 months and am 35 weeks pregnant with No.3. I still miss Nathaniel and have my sad times but I know that he is with me and one day I will get to hold him. There is hope and your angels will help you find it. You are all very specials mothers :grouphug:

Katiegirl - thanks for popping in, it's always good to hear success stories, because of the hope they offer. So glad to hear that your Anna is 17 months and UTD again! My feverent hope is that all of the wonderful mothers in here at the mo, will be popping back in the future to offer support, when theirs is the story of hope. Bless Nathaniel and your family.

Chez - good to hear from you. It's nice to be kept busy and distracted sometimes huh? But as nice as it is to have visitors its also nice to get the house back, but then I miss the visitors. So many contradictions. I hope your 2WW goes quickly... and that you did catch that eggie, stress and all. Isn't said that its when you least expect it?

I hope you are feeling a bit better, physically and emotionally. I think it was good for you to take the day off work. By the sounds of it, you really needed the extra sleep and rest. We can all understand the fear... I hope it doesn't get to you too much, but how can it not? After a while even believing gets a bit tired, but it bounces back, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist. Sending you strength.

Cmeggles - oh sweetie - I wish I was there with you ( well one second thoughts given the BDing...maybe not) Hope your trip is just so relaxing and let you and DH connect and chill. I think there is something so peaceful yet energising about the beach. The beach is one of my special places.

Crumpet - I know it's hard to feel "happy" about your birthday, but sweetie, honestly, it's ok to feel a little less sad on your birthday and maybe even smile and you don't have to feel guilty for doing so either. ? You are worthy of love and you are deserving of peace.

It's hard to go to those events and functions where we would have been pregnant, they are so much tougher than people on the outside realise. I remember the first game of sport I played after Ameila, I was so excited to be playing again because I just love it so much, but so so devastated that I was in a position to play. I sucked it up before the game, during warm up and during the game, but afterwards when the game ends and we shake hands of the opposition I was just sobbing as I hugged most people. I know and am friends with most of that opposition team, so they were used to the hugs, but not the sobbing. Then I just stood in the middle of the pitch with my arms outstretched and head raised to the heavens, tears coarsing down my cheeks. It was actually a really important release for me, and I didn't expect it to be that intense.

I hope you got to wear soomething special to the wedding to help you feel confident.

Wednesday is not far away. Thinking of you.....giving you strength.

CharliB, Teni - no "answers" is harder than answers. Charlie - you seem a little more at peace with that, and I hope for you that is what gives you some comfort and helps you heal.

Teni - it's ok to be angry. It is unfair. Why can such a cruel thing happen when there was nothing wrong? I know babe. I know those feeling and I know those thoughts. I am glad you wre able to get them out and express them. I only hope that in time you can find some peace with the "information" you do have. It doesn't take away that Ianto is your darling and much loved angel son and that you are his beloved mother, nothing can ever take that away.

Angelic - it must still be crazy for you. Thinking of you :)

Aries, Blessed, TUP - thinking of you.

To anyone I have missed but not named, even those who haven't posted for a while. Sending you my love and lots of strength.

AFM - All good here, ups and downs and periods of absolute despair and fear, but I think that's just part of the journey. I am so glad to have 3 cuddly and empathetic fur babies. Today, they are truly my joy and blessing. I wonder if they even know it?

Hey everyone!

Sorry its been a while since my last post - been really busy with work and study.

I wont try to catch up on everything, but want to send everyone of you my thoughts.

I had a call from my FS on Friday to say that the blood test I had on Wednesday had come back that I was about to ovulate!!! As I posted a while ago - the last round of clomid didnt work as I had no eggs mature BUT they have obviously decided to grow about 1 week late! Gosh my body is weird sometimes...... :D

I also booked myself in for my tattoo :o So very out of character for me - Mum is having one done too. I am getting Beloved Son in japanese kanji writing really small on my wrist and Mum is getting Beloved Grandchild on her ankle. We have been talking about it for months but have been too chicken!! Of course if I fall this month - I will be glad to cancel :lol:

Its Alexander's first birthday on the 5th of May - we are going to the crematorium to release one balloon and I have written a piece for the paper. Do you think its alright to write someone a bday card even thought they are not around in person anymore? I feel like I want to continue adding to Alex's photo album and memory box for little occasions but am getting mixed reactions.

Bye for now ladies - baby wishes to you all xxx

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Crumpet
'All stations' Love it! You made me chuckle- sounds good to me. Bummer about the job hun. It is amazing isn't how you rnew world can crumble at the drop of a hat. Don't be hard on yourself though sweet and expect you to be all fine by now. I think the counsellor sounds like a good idea but it is still so early to expect too much. I met a lady today who lost her son 8 years ago and she still has her new normal IYKWIM. It was of huge comfort for me to hear that from her. She was lovely and so very normal and made me feel ok for where I am at...took a lot of pressure off me. Gus would be mega proud of you hun. Happy Birthday for next week. I will say it now as I think I will be MIA for a bit of 'me' time. Have a wonderful day and although you are not pregas, you are still a mummy, don;t ever forget that. I knwo not how you would have dreamed, but true all the same.

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lol thanks hun, glad to be able to put a smile on ur dial!!!

it just feels like its the right time to see someone and thats how i knew i needed to do it....

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Thanks sweetie.
DD's date is 21st of April..Wednesday. Not that one day in particular is more special. But that was the day she was born.
Thank you Dory for your lovely thoughts, words and love. xoxoox

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will be thiking of u wednesday.......

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Hi everyone. I just thought I would pop in as this is a section of the forum that got me through very dark times after we lost our first baby, a boy Nathaniel at 20 weeks. I have been reading some of your stories and wanted to send you all hugs and hope for the future. I know that it is heartbreaking and life shattering to have to farewell your babies, but I hope you find some strength in here with each other to take each day as it comes. I am now the happy mum to an earth baby Anna who is 17 months and am 35 weeks pregnant with No.3. I still miss Nathaniel and have my sad times but I know that he is with me and one day I will get to hold him. There is hope and your angels will help you find it. You are all very specials mothers :grouphug:

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wow thanks for popping it, its fab to hear sucess stories!!:)

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Crumpet - I know it's hard to feel "happy" about your birthday, but sweetie, honestly, it's ok to feel a little less sad on your birthday and maybe even smile and you don't have to feel guilty for doing so either. ? You are worthy of love and you are deserving of peace.

It's hard to go to those events and functions where we would have been pregnant, they are so much tougher than people on the outside realise. I remember the first game of sport I played after Ameila, I was so excited to be playing again because I just love it so much, but so so devastated that I was in a position to play. I sucked it up before the game, during warm up and during the game, but afterwards when the game ends and we shake hands of the opposition I was just sobbing as I hugged most people. I know and am friends with most of that opposition team, so they were used to the hugs, but not the sobbing. Then I just stood in the middle of the pitch with my arms outstretched and head raised to the heavens, tears coarsing down my cheeks. It was actually a really important release for me, and I didn't expect it to be that intense.

I hope you got to wear soomething special to the wedding to help you feel confident.

Wednesday is not far away. Thinking of you.....giving you strength.

AFM - All good here, ups and downs and periods of absolute despair and fear, but I think that's just part of the journey. I am so glad to have 3 cuddly and empathetic fur babies. Today, they are truly my joy and blessing. I wonder if they even know it?

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thanks hun, im sure shan will make my bday a bit spesh for me, he obviously knows im not as perky as usual so i dare say he will make sure i have fun....

the wedding was great, stunning actually but the whole time we were there i was thinking to myself that i should have been the preggie guest that was nearly ready to pop.....

ill be sure to let u all know how i go wednesday....

oohhh hun it is one big rollercoaster of a journey, and im sure ur furbabies know that u need them and are willing to be there for u for loads of cuddles i know my girls are always ready for a hug!!!

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Hey everyone!

Sorry its been a while since my last post - been really busy with work and study.

I wont try to catch up on everything, but want to send everyone of you my thoughts.

I had a call from my FS on Friday to say that the blood test I had on Wednesday had come back that I was about to ovulate!!! As I posted a while ago - the last round of clomid didnt work as I had no eggs mature BUT they have obviously decided to grow about 1 week late! Gosh my body is weird sometimes...... :D

I also booked myself in for my tattoo :o So very out of character for me - Mum is having one done too. I am getting Beloved Son in japanese kanji writing really small on my wrist and Mum is getting Beloved Grandchild on her ankle. We have been talking about it for months but have been too chicken!! Of course if I fall this month - I will be glad to cancel :lol:

Its Alexander's first birthday on the 5th of May - we are going to the crematorium to release one balloon and I have written a piece for the paper. Do you think its alright to write someone a bday card even thought they are not around in person anymore? I feel like I want to continue adding to Alex's photo album and memory box for little occasions but am getting mixed reactions.

Bye for now ladies - baby wishes to you all xxx

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hi!! great news from the FS hun.... and good job on the tat!!!
id love to get one, DH is getting his done on Gus's due date which is the day before his bday, but i just dont have the "balls" to do it...i dont like needles at the best of times and im terrified it will hurt :redface:....... if i got anything it would be a G somewhere but i wouldnt even know where

Aries - It is totally ok to write a birthday card for an angel, whether its your darling Alexander or someone else. I will be thinking of you on the 5th. When is your tattoo booked for? OMG - congrats on the BIG O - lots of BDings no doubt in your house.

I remember once I went for a pap smear but also had a scan with the ob, and low and behold there was a follicle ( who became Amelia). I can't remember if we had been BDing before then but we did for a while after that, and it worked! It's kind of exciting to have known and seen the very start of the process. Ao I can get a snese of our excitement, and knowing the clomid worked. I am just hoping for a BFP for you.

crumpet - I thought I would never get a tattoo and am pretty nervous!! A 'G' sounds like a great idea, small but always there. I too am terrified it will hurt but they said mine would only take 10 mins and its 2 small symbols so maybe a 'G' would be really quick!!

dory - Thanks very much for your kind words - if ever I was too fall now would be the time because then I couldnt possibly have it done then could I?? :lol: I am booked for next Saturday eeekk!!
I have purchased a first bday card for our baby - really I suppose its for us to write down our thoughts and wishes for him. Not for anyone else to (unless they want to) but helpful to us. I thought I could add to his album each year. My auntie still makes a bday cake for her angel ( S/B at 41 weeks) and releases balloons with her children each bday. He would be 7 this year. Hope all is travelling along nicely for you atm.

I am having a progesterone test on Wed morning just to double check that I did in fact ovulate then I can safely say I am in the 2 week wait. Will test on Sat morning just to be sure though - dont want to take any chances!

Hugs to all xxx

Hi everyone!:hello:

TeniBear - I'm so sorry that you are feeling so frustrated, but I completely understand and I'm sure it completely normal and completely ok to feel the way you do. I hope the latest bloodtest can shed some light on things. (hmmm I think I could have said 'completely' a few more times in that sentence!!)

Chez - I hope you are recovered and feeling better. Glad the fur babies are taking such good care of you :hug:

cmeglles - I hope this message finds you completely relaxed and having a fabulous trip. sending you truck loads of :pink-babydust::bluedust:

hi crumpet - when exactly is your birthday this week?? hopefully you are bing well and truly spoilt for the whole week! are you into the 2ww yet?, I've los ttrack a bit. good luck with your appt anyways.

Gigi - you may not be reading cause I know you are having a break and some family time - but :hug: if you are around, you are in my thoughts. And will be even more so on Wednesday.

Dory - another one who is being looked after by fur babies! And I am convinced that they do know when we are struggling and they know how much we love them! Just my thoughts. Thanks for your words about our appt - I think I had already prepared myself for not getting many answers. Some things just cannot be explained away. I have been trying to think of all the other positive things that our little boy bought to my life, and focusing on those instead.

Aries - YAY! for ovulation - I really hope that you have to cancel that tattoo appointment!! But I'm sure it will be awesome if you do get it done.

AFM - this 2ww is near killing me, so different from last time I TTC, many mixed emotions. oh well, half way there!!

Big hugs to everyone else, take care
xx

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crumpet - I thought I would never get a tattoo and am pretty nervous!! A 'G' sounds like a great idea, small but always there. I too am terrified it will hurt but they said mine would only take 10 mins and its 2 small symbols so maybe a 'G' would be really quick!!

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oohh that gives me a bit more confidence thats for sure!!!! :lol: maybe i should just do it and not tell DH and suprise him!!!! he would die in the a$$ coz im so " no way it will hurt to much!!!"

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hi crumpet - when exactly is your birthday this week?? hopefully you are bing well and truly spoilt for the whole week! are you into the 2ww yet?, I've los ttrack a bit. good luck with your appt anyways.

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its on saturday hun....:shhh: im not into fuss......
im due to be o-ing anytime so loads of sexy time in this house atm!!!!:redface:

Hi All,

I've been in and out of this forum for the past six weeks now - drawing comfort from your friendship and support of eachother.

I hope you don't mind if I join in - I'm feeling despondent today and I really could do with some positive vibes.

Basically it's been six weeks since we went for our 19 week scan only to discover that our baby had died at 17 weeks. I'm sure you can all understand what a torrential rollercoaster this has been.

As you can see from my story (which I wrote a week or so after this happened) - I was impatient right from the time this happened to try again.

To be honest, I thought I would be pregnant by now (I was all for ttc immediately even though I knew physically it was better for me to wait) but I didn't reckon on things being so up and down (both physically and emotionally).

I started tracking my bbt straight away and worked out I o'd two weeks ago. But then about 9 days later I started getting some pain and spotting. I went for a scan yesterday and everything looks OK and my hcg is going down slowly (it's around 40-ish). It was all a little confusing - I wish I could have a way to see what is happening inside my body!!

My ob is keeping an eye on me and I've got our follow-up appointment next Wed where we'll get the post-mortem results etc - although I'm not expecting too much from that!

I am now waiting for af and I guess I am just so frustrated and impatient. I have always been such a positive person but this has really taken a kick to my self-confidence and I find myself doubting myself.

Pregnant women and babies seem to have multiplied by a million since this happened and it definitely does not make it easier that my sister, sister-in-law and one of my best friends are pregnant too (the latter two are due on the same day I was - I know, I know - really hard!!!).

I guess this is all a waiting game and patience has never been my strong point. On the positive side (see, I'm trying) it's not a bad life lesson to have to wait for something you really want. And also, at least when we ttc again, my body will be more healthy and ready.

Hope you all have a good day
Lemonade

Hello lovely ladies, i just popped in to say hello and see how everyone is going. Gosh it's been busy in here! There are quiet a few ladies in here lately.

Aries- you are braver than me, I would love to get a tattoo for Riley but i can't even bring myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment :redface:

CharlieB- I have everything crossed for your TWW, good luck hun.

hello to everyone else, i hope your all doing well. I'll have to play catch up when i have a bit more time :hello:

AFM We are still on the TTC train but i have decided to do a bit more excercise and eat a bit more heatlhy (Damn easter eggs :lol: I'm a sucker for chocolate :redface:) , maybe a bit of weight loss will help. I have also started to play Hockey (I have never played in my life but I'm having so much fun!)

My love to all
Bec ooxx

Samcougar - great to hear from you. Hope being active helps you feel more confident. I love hockey, but in the beginning it gave me a sore butt! Hope yours isn't too sore.

Hi ladies

Katiegirl - thanks for dropping by and letting us know your good news. It does give us hope. Your message made me cry. I think I will always be a little different after our experience but it is good to know that there is life afterwards as well.

Aries - I think the birthday card idea is lovely and if its important to you to do that then go ahead and do it, regardless of what others may think or say. We have a collection of things to remember Ryan by as well as photos and one day I will have the courage (and time) to put them into a memory album for safekeeping.

Gigi1- hi hun if you are reading this, I am thinking of you and DD and DH tomorrow. :hug:

Samcougar - well done for the healthy plan. I've just joined a BB weightloss forum - we started yesterday and so far so good on the eating, not on the exercising part though! Still baby steps...

Crumpet - good luck with the tattoo. I think it's a beautiful thing to do. DH got a tattoo for Ryan on his left arm. It is quite big and took about 3 or 4 hours to do... not my thing. I would want something smaller like yours (and quicker!). And I have my fingers crossed for you that you catch an egg this time, now that you can 'officially' try again!

CharlieB - thanks. This TWW is sending me crazy as well but only because I really want to conceive naturally and not have to go through IVF again so I guess I have put extra pressure on myself... still it would be nice to call and cancel the appointment because of a BFP! Good luck with your TWW - are you going to test early or wait until AF is late?

Dory - hope you are doing well and enjoying your time with the fur babies. I know mine love it when I am home all day.

cmeglles - hope you are having a fantastic holiday and you come back with a BFP!

:hello: to everyone else.

Anyway, AFM, I am quite tired at the moment and feeling warmer than normal which my TCM says is probably the new herbs she has me on, but also because it is the 2nd half of the cycle. But the weird thing is my head is hot! Had my post O b/t yesterday morning so hopefully the results will be through soon so I can see what's going on. Then my CD1 b/t will probably be needed on the Monday, the public holiday, which will be a hassle trying to find a clinic that is open.

Anyway, shower and dinner time for me. Take care all and talk soon.
oxo

*sigh* I knew there wasn't much chance, but I still did a HPT yesterday - no second line. Nice strong control line, but nothing else. I'm getting scared of Friday. I want so many things that I can't change...

Hi everyone, :hello:

Gigi - :hug: thinking of you and your precious little angel today xx

TeniBear - huge :hug: to you sweetie. It completely sucks I know. I hope that Friday brings you some answers and some peace. And that second line will come when the time is right.

Chez - :crossfingers: for you this cycle!! I really hope you have to cancel that appointment! No early testing for me, I don't want to risk getting a BFP and it ending up being a chemical or something, I don't think I could cope!! I'll probably wait til the weekend or Monday even, if AF hasn't shown her face by then.

Hi Sam, good to hear from you. good luck with the weight loss. Hope you enjoy the hockey x

Hi crumpet - I think your appointment at the hospy was today? I really hope it was helpful for you xx And I hope you have been enjoying "sexy time"!:wiggle:

Big hello to everyone else xx

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Aries- you are braver than me, I would love to get a tattoo for Riley but i can't even bring myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment :redface:

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im with u on that one hun!!! would love to get one done but i dont think i have the balls to do it!!!

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Crumpet - good luck with the tattoo. I think it's a beautiful thing to do. DH got a tattoo for Ryan on his left arm. It is quite big and took about 3 or 4 hours to do... not my thing. I would want something smaller like yours (and quicker!). And I have my fingers crossed for you that you catch an egg this time, now that you can 'officially' try again!

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thanks hun!!!! hopefully we got out ***** together and have cought that egg!!!!
good luck with ur BT reuslts!!

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*sigh* I knew there wasn't much chance, but I still did a HPT yesterday - no second line. Nice strong control line, but nothing else. I'm getting scared of Friday. I want so many things that I can't change...

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big hugs hunni..... it wont be a easy day but u will get through it ur a strong cookie!

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Hi crumpet - I think your appointment at the hospy was today? I really hope it was helpful for you xx And I hope you have been enjoying "sexy time"!:wiggle:

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it sure was!!! oohh well i dont know if id say im enjoying my sexytime but its defiantly happening!!!LMAO!!!!!


ok so i had my appt at the hospy......

and im a nut job, i barely got through the front doors of the clinic area and i started like u wouldnt believe!!! how embarassement!!!

so anyways talk to mary about everything and she is refering me onto SIDS and KIDS and they will contact me about setting up a time for my first session...i also complained about our privacy breach and she is getting the patient liason person to contact us too....

Hi everyone

TeniBear - :hug: I'm so sorry for your BFN hun :hug: I understand completely how you feel. Sometimes I feel so full of despair but I know in my heart that feeling that isn't helping me fall pg, but still it is so hard to feel positive all of the time. It's just so unfair and exhausting this whole TTC journey. I feel like screaming out: Haven't we been through enough? I want this ride to stop so I can get off! But I don't... maybe it would make me feel better if I did? Anyway, I really hope and pray that your BFP comes soon. Hugs for Friday. I will be thinking of you.

CharlieB - that's very strong of you not too test, but I know what you mean about a false positive. I am going to try to follow your example and wait until I am officially late, although with my cycle being a bit all over the place at the moment I am not quite sure when that is. But I figure I will give myself 14 days post O and then I will expect AF but I have my fingers crossed that she won't come. Here's hoping for both of us :noaf:

Crumpet - your trip to the hospy sounds like you got some stuff achieved. I haven't had to go back since the birth. I am not sure I could do it without ending up in a sobbing mess. I have decided that when I do fall pg again I will not use that hospital if I can avoid it. Too many bad memories for me. I hope the SIDS and Kids counsellor can help you and you find someone you can relate to. We saw one and didn't really connect with her - she was very nice but didn't understand our situation and that was important to us both. I was much happier with the psych that my GP referred me to.

AFM, had a day away from work at a training seminar which was a nice change of pace and much less stressful. The heat seems to have reduced since reducing the dose of my herbs so my TCM was right (she normally is!). So I am feeling better for that. And DH is home tonight - he's been away since Monday morning, so I am pretty happy about that.

Take care and babydust to all!
oxo

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Crumpet - your trip to the hospy sounds like you got some stuff achieved. I haven't had to go back since the birth. I am not sure I could do it without ending up in a sobbing mess. I have decided that when I do fall pg again I will not use that hospital if I can avoid it. Too many bad memories for me. I hope the SIDS and Kids counsellor can help you and you find someone you can relate to. We saw one and didn't really connect with her - she was very nice but didn't understand our situation and that was important to us both. I was much happier with the psych that my GP referred me to.

AFM, had a day away from work at a training seminar which was a nice change of pace and much less stressful. The heat seems to have reduced since reducing the dose of my herbs so my TCM was right (she normally is!). So I am feeling better for that. And DH is home tonight - he's been away since Monday morning, so I am pretty happy about that.

Take care and babydust to all!
oxo

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im a bit worried i wont like them or something like that, but i guess i can always ask for another one.....
the lady at the hospital said i could see my GP and get a referal to a psych if i wanted to as well, so ill see how i go with sids and kids and then do that if i need to....

i didnt think i would have trouble going in but if did obviosuly hit a nerve..... although im the opposite i kinda want to go back there..... im not sure why, maybe the comfort of knowing the place now or what.....
im pretty sure ill still go to my first pick, had to go to the mercy becasue of the high risk when i went in on bed rest, but im not sure yet....

yaaay for DH being home!!!!

Hello!

Crumpet - glad your appointment went well, don't feel bad about being emotional, I'm sure it's normal.
I didn't realise you had a privacy breach as well, that sucks! :( I hope they sort it out.

Chez - I'm the same, still not completely sure what my cycle is doing. But if the weekend goes by with no AF for either of us I will be very happy!!! :dance:

I think I'll be at a different hospital next time - assuming things go to plan. I was sent from my original hospy to the high risk hospital when things went wrong last time around. I will be very happy not to go near the place again!! Even though they were all very good to us.

Hiya -

Teni sorry to hear about your bfn.

Chez - oh blossom, big hugs. I don't understand why its so tough either.

Charli - I have been back to the same hospita, twice now for maternity and also just had my stitch there ( but wasnt in maternity for the stich!l). I made sure I went back after Amelia but before Sophie, because I didnt want to be scared of a place. I just get treated so well by all the staff, one of the perks of multiple losses I guess. Initially I was scared to go back so I can understand Crumpet how you felt.

Crumpet - It's pretty overwhelming. I think I am trained not to show my emotions in public, that people don't realise the struggles. Sweetie - it's not embarrassing to cry or "lose it". It's just part of a grief journey. Who cares what anyone else thinks? They haven't walked in your shoes, so blah to them.

Just reminded me of some kindness that a stranger offered me. Whilst I was stil in hossy after Sophie I had to have a scan to see how the uterus was doing. I got wheeled over to Women's Xray and my wheelchair was parked next to a sofa. There was a lady sitting, well sprawled on the sofa and she didn't look well,sort of anaemic, but after a while, she looked over at me ( I was sitting with my head bowed tears slipping quietly down my face), and she offered to share the sofa with me and even offered me some more tissues. I was so touched by her kindness.

Weird how strangers can somehow and unexpectedly find a way into that lonely old world of ours at times huh? I hope that the counsellor helps.

All good here, Just have felt like I don't have much to offer at the moment, and haven't even been lurking. I'll bounce back soon enough no doubt.

Thinking of you... for those in the TWW good luck, I hope this is your time. Crafty- hmm increased smell sensitivity? Food and drink tasting different? Hmm girl I have everyting crossed for you.

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Hello!

Crumpet - glad your appointment went well, don't feel bad about being emotional, I'm sure it's normal.
I didn't realise you had a privacy breach as well, that sucks! :( I hope they sort it out.


I think I'll be at a different hospital next time - assuming things go to plan. I was sent from my original hospy to the high risk hospital when things went wrong last time around. I will be very happy not to go near the place again!! Even though they were all very good to us.

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yeah she didnt think i was loopy so that was good!!!:dance:

yeah long story short-ish.....
my step dad and i dont get on so Dh and I have had no contact with is side of the family for 5 or so years, and stepdads SIL works at the hospy i was admitted too....
anyway a week after i got home stepdads SIL rocks up on my door step!!!!
after talking to my mum we figure out there is no way she would have known my surname,address or that id given birth to a boy....
she would have known i was in hospital and being local im assuming she put 2 and 2 together and figured out id be where i was....
so we are pretty sure she has searched my records at the hoapital ans found out me adress and all about what happened with Gus..... :o

have actually just had a call from the hospital and have given them all the details and they are going to look into thingas.... we dont want this person to loose their job or knowing that we have made the complaint but we want the hopsital to know it does happen and that its not on..... so ill get a call to tell me what they are doing about it all..

other than the above issue we were rapt with the care we got

I was doing okay so far this morning (I've been up all night again) until I got bored and googled my name and came across a British news article I commented on when I was 11 weeks pg - about a couple who had a stillborn boy. This is the comment I made:

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I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant at the moment, absolutely bawling my eyes out and holding my tummy hoping my "Smudge" turns out okay. My mum has had three miscarriages - one very early-term, and two mid-term (one on Xmas eve, too). The last two were in 2005 and 2006, and everybody still feels unable to talk about it with her. Even she feels uncomfortable with it at times. But not me. I try to talk to her as much as possible about the babies we all lost, trying to make her understand that it's okay, I'm here for her, etc... I'm even considering naming my own baby with the name she'd chosen for the last one. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jacqui, and I wish you, Joel, Zac, and Bliss (lovely name, by the way) all the best for your future.

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...I'm kinda bawling my eyes out again now.

Oh, and I am going to the cemetery today to do the balloon release. Not sure if it'll be just me and Scott (he miraculously got his shift switched and so he's working this morning) or there will be a few more people, but it is happening! We'll have to be careful not to interfere with another funeral though - Ianto's getting another little "neighbour" two plots down, and his burial's at 2:30.

Hi Everyone.. Have just skimmed posts. I am not really posting in here anymore, too much of my own rubbish going on.. Lots and lots of drama with my seperation.. :(

TeniBear - Thinking of you today, I am glad your DH's shift got switched and you can do the balloon release together. In my experience balloon releases are really peaceful and theraputic (Maybe not the right word, but couldn't think how else to describe it) Lots and lots of :hug: and :comfort: today..

Thinking of you all...

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I was doing okay so far this morning (I've been up all night again) until I got bored and googled my name and came across a British news article I commented on when I was 11 weeks pg - about a couple who had a stillborn boy. This is the comment I made:



...I'm kinda bawling my eyes out again now.

Oh, and I am going to the cemetery today to do the balloon release. Not sure if it'll be just me and Scott (he miraculously got his shift switched and so he's working this morning) or there will be a few more people, but it is happening! We'll have to be careful not to interfere with another funeral though - Ianto's getting another little "neighbour" two plots down, and his burial's at 2:30.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: for u today hun.....
i cant even begin to imagine what your going through today, but im so so happy that scott has managed to have the afternoon with you.....
i think its a beautiful idea to let a ballon go.....
will be thinking of u all day.....

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Hi Everyone.. Have just skimmed posts. I am not really posting in here anymore, too much of my own rubbish going on.. Lots and lots of drama with my seperation.. :(

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:grouphug::grouphug: for you to hun, hope ur doing ok..... it must be a hard time for u.

AFM: well i have a second interview for a reception job today so :pray: i get it, i actually want to work a few days a week at the moment!!!

got a call from SIDS AND KIDS yesterday and i start councelling tuesday..... wasnt expecting to be going down this track but i think its best.....

and as of last night i have developed a metalic/acidy kinda of taste in my mouth..... kinda like ive eaten a jar of pickeled onions?? which i havnt LOL had burritots for dinner! anyone had the metalic taste when preg can u describe it to me? please...

Teni - thinking of you, Scott and your angel Ianto today. May the balloon you release rise up with your love and sadness but also some of mine. Go gently sweet one.

Blessed - oh sweetie. Thinking of you, I know you are doing it tough right now. Surround yourself with as much support as you can. I know you can get through this, you are a strong and amazing woman, who has so much to give and two angel babies giving you strength and guidance. I will miss you, but sometimes I can actually get its not about me and you need this space. Love to you.

Crumpet - hmm a sneaky bfp perhaps? I have ALWAYS had a funny metallic taste before a bfp. Sometimes it was quite strong other times not so much, but always distinctly metalic. I don't know how else to describe it but I don't get it at any other time. I also got more salvia and headahces the first time ( but not sure if that was from the caffeine withdrawal or something else)....I am hoping its a sneaky bfp for you, then you leave the insanity of tcc behind but enter a whole other world.

Glad you start counselling next week.

Thinking of you Chez, Gigi, and Bermuda Girl ( hope all that sun, sand and beach is doing the trick) and Charli.

AFM - I seem to be feeling more positive today. Last 3 days or so have just been inexplicably sad and weepy. Not scared, not thinking about my babies, just sad. So sad it broke my heart to come on to BB and read and feel all the sadness. I really felt it to my very core and I couldn't take it on. That hasn't happened to me for quite a while.

Go strong my friends.

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Crumpet - hmm a sneaky bfp perhaps? I have ALWAYS had a funny metallic taste before a bfp. Sometimes it was quite strong other times not so much, but always distinctly metalic. I don't know how else to describe it but I don't get it at any other time. I also got more salvia and headahces the first time ( but not sure if that was from the caffeine withdrawal or something else)....I am hoping its a sneaky bfp for you, then you leave the insanity of tcc behind but enter a whole other world.

Glad you start counselling next week.

AFM - I seem to be feeling more positive today. Last 3 days or so have just been inexplicably sad and weepy. Not scared, not thinking about my babies, just sad. So sad it broke my heart to come on to BB and read and feel all the sadness. I really felt it to my very core and I couldn't take it on. That hasn't happened to me for quite a while.

Go strong my friends.

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hun did u think it was a bit like a acidic kinda taste??? ive never had a taste like this before!!! im soo confused!!!
i can only hope its a sneaky BFP!! will find out next saturday!!!!

thanks hun, ill be sure to let u all know how it goes!!!

oh hun sorry to hear the last few days have been a struggle for u:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: as ive learnt and i am sure u know, its ok to have sad days, hell i have plenty of them these days!!

do what u gotta do to feel better hun and if that means not posting or coming on here thats ok.....

TeniBear you have been in my thoughts today. Your precious little boy Ianto is with you in spirit hun and knows how much you love and miss him.

Blessed I am so saddened to ehar of your sparation :( Can the counselling bring you guys back together do you think or will it just make the split be amicable.

Crumpet I have a friend who declares the metallic taste is her first sign of being pg. Hopefully you get a nice surprise :)

Big hi to everyone.
AFM I am finally onto a new cycle. I was beginning to think I had gone into sudden menopause so it is a good sign to have such a heavy and painful AF. I have ordered some OPKs which shold arrive enxt week and then I can tell if things are back to normal or not.
We never made it down to Annabelle :( Seems to always be something happening.

big hugs to all coz the group needs them.

Judy