TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

[dory]

Samcougar - great to hear from you. Hope being active helps you feel more confident. I love hockey, but in the beginning it gave me a sore butt! Hope yours isn't too sore.

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Katiegirl - thanks for dropping by and letting us know your good news. It does give us hope. Your message made me cry. I think I will always be a little different after our experience but it is good to know that there is life afterwards as well.

Aries - I think the birthday card idea is lovely and if its important to you to do that then go ahead and do it, regardless of what others may think or say. We have a collection of things to remember Ryan by as well as photos and one day I will have the courage (and time) to put them into a memory album for safekeeping.

Gigi1- hi hun if you are reading this, I am thinking of you and DD and DH tomorrow.

Samcougar - well done for the healthy plan. I've just joined a BB weightloss forum - we started yesterday and so far so good on the eating, not on the exercising part though! Still baby steps...

Crumpet - good luck with the tattoo. I think it's a beautiful thing to do. DH got a tattoo for Ryan on his left arm. It is quite big and took about 3 or 4 hours to do... not my thing. I would want something smaller like yours (and quicker!). And I have my fingers crossed for you that you catch an egg this time, now that you can 'officially' try again!

CharlieB - thanks. This TWW is sending me crazy as well but only because I really want to conceive naturally and not have to go through IVF again so I guess I have put extra pressure on myself... still it would be nice to call and cancel the appointment because of a BFP! Good luck with your TWW - are you going to test early or wait until AF is late?

Dory - hope you are doing well and enjoying your time with the fur babies. I know mine love it when I am home all day.

cmeglles - hope you are having a fantastic holiday and you come back with a BFP!

to everyone else.

Anyway, AFM, I am quite tired at the moment and feeling warmer than normal which my TCM says is probably the new herbs she has me on, but also because it is the 2nd half of the cycle. But the weird thing is my head is hot! Had my post O b/t yesterday morning so hopefully the results will be through soon so I can see what's going on. Then my CD1 b/t will probably be needed on the Monday, the public holiday, which will be a hassle trying to find a clinic that is open.

Anyway, shower and dinner time for me. Take care all and talk soon.
oxo

[TeniBear]

*sigh* I knew there wasn't much chance, but I still did a HPT yesterday - no second line. Nice strong control line, but nothing else. I'm getting scared of Friday. I want so many things that I can't change...

[CharlieB]

Hi everyone,

Gigi - thinking of you and your precious little angel today xx

TeniBear - huge to you sweetie. It completely sucks I know. I hope that Friday brings you some answers and some peace. And that second line will come when the time is right.

Chez - for you this cycle!! I really hope you have to cancel that appointment! No early testing for me, I don't want to risk getting a BFP and it ending up being a chemical or something, I don't think I could cope!! I'll probably wait til the weekend or Monday even, if AF hasn't shown her face by then.

Hi Sam, good to hear from you. good luck with the weight loss. Hope you enjoy the hockey x

Hi crumpet - I think your appointment at the hospy was today? I really hope it was helpful for you xx And I hope you have been enjoying "sexy time"!

Big hello to everyone else xx

[crumpet]

Aries- you are braver than me, I would love to get a tattoo for Riley but i can't even bring myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment

im with u on that one hun!!! would love to get one done but i dont think i have the balls to do it!!!

Crumpet - good luck with the tattoo. I think it's a beautiful thing to do. DH got a tattoo for Ryan on his left arm. It is quite big and took about 3 or 4 hours to do... not my thing. I would want something smaller like yours (and quicker!). And I have my fingers crossed for you that you catch an egg this time, now that you can 'officially' try again!

thanks hun!!!! hopefully we got out ***** together and have cought that egg!!!!
good luck with ur BT reuslts!!

*sigh* I knew there wasn't much chance, but I still did a HPT yesterday - no second line. Nice strong control line, but nothing else. I'm getting scared of Friday. I want so many things that I can't change...

big hugs hunni..... it wont be a easy day but u will get through it ur a strong cookie!

Hi crumpet - I think your appointment at the hospy was today? I really hope it was helpful for you xx And I hope you have been enjoying "sexy time"!

it sure was!!! oohh well i dont know if id say im enjoying my sexytime but its defiantly happening!!!LMAO!!!!!


ok so i had my appt at the hospy......

and im a nut job, i barely got through the front doors of the clinic area and i started like u wouldnt believe!!! how embarassement!!!

so anyways talk to mary about everything and she is refering me onto SIDS and KIDS and they will contact me about setting up a time for my first session...i also complained about our privacy breach and she is getting the patient liason person to contact us too....

[Chez67]

Hi everyone

TeniBear - I'm so sorry for your BFN hun I understand completely how you feel. Sometimes I feel so full of despair but I know in my heart that feeling that isn't helping me fall pg, but still it is so hard to feel positive all of the time. It's just so unfair and exhausting this whole TTC journey. I feel like screaming out: Haven't we been through enough? I want this ride to stop so I can get off! But I don't... maybe it would make me feel better if I did? Anyway, I really hope and pray that your BFP comes soon. Hugs for Friday. I will be thinking of you.

CharlieB - that's very strong of you not too test, but I know what you mean about a false positive. I am going to try to follow your example and wait until I am officially late, although with my cycle being a bit all over the place at the moment I am not quite sure when that is. But I figure I will give myself 14 days post O and then I will expect AF but I have my fingers crossed that she won't come. Here's hoping for both of us

Crumpet - your trip to the hospy sounds like you got some stuff achieved. I haven't had to go back since the birth. I am not sure I could do it without ending up in a sobbing mess. I have decided that when I do fall pg again I will not use that hospital if I can avoid it. Too many bad memories for me. I hope the SIDS and Kids counsellor can help you and you find someone you can relate to. We saw one and didn't really connect with her - she was very nice but didn't understand our situation and that was important to us both. I was much happier with the psych that my GP referred me to.

AFM, had a day away from work at a training seminar which was a nice change of pace and much less stressful. The heat seems to have reduced since reducing the dose of my herbs so my TCM was right (she normally is!). So I am feeling better for that. And DH is home tonight - he's been away since Monday morning, so I am pretty happy about that.

Take care and babydust to all!
oxo

[crumpet]

Crumpet - your trip to the hospy sounds like you got some stuff achieved. I haven't had to go back since the birth. I am not sure I could do it without ending up in a sobbing mess. I have decided that when I do fall pg again I will not use that hospital if I can avoid it. Too many bad memories for me. I hope the SIDS and Kids counsellor can help you and you find someone you can relate to. We saw one and didn't really connect with her - she was very nice but didn't understand our situation and that was important to us both. I was much happier with the psych that my GP referred me to.

AFM, had a day away from work at a training seminar which was a nice change of pace and much less stressful. The heat seems to have reduced since reducing the dose of my herbs so my TCM was right (she normally is!). So I am feeling better for that. And DH is home tonight - he's been away since Monday morning, so I am pretty happy about that.

Take care and babydust to all!
oxo

im a bit worried i wont like them or something like that, but i guess i can always ask for another one.....
the lady at the hospital said i could see my GP and get a referal to a psych if i wanted to as well, so ill see how i go with sids and kids and then do that if i need to....

i didnt think i would have trouble going in but if did obviosuly hit a nerve..... although im the opposite i kinda want to go back there..... im not sure why, maybe the comfort of knowing the place now or what.....
im pretty sure ill still go to my first pick, had to go to the mercy becasue of the high risk when i went in on bed rest, but im not sure yet....

yaaay for DH being home!!!!

[CharlieB]

Hello!

Crumpet - glad your appointment went well, don't feel bad about being emotional, I'm sure it's normal.
I didn't realise you had a privacy breach as well, that sucks! I hope they sort it out.

Chez - I'm the same, still not completely sure what my cycle is doing. But if the weekend goes by with no AF for either of us I will be very happy!!!

I think I'll be at a different hospital next time - assuming things go to plan. I was sent from my original hospy to the high risk hospital when things went wrong last time around. I will be very happy not to go near the place again!! Even though they were all very good to us.

[dory]

Hiya -

Teni sorry to hear about your bfn.

Chez - oh blossom, big hugs. I don't understand why its so tough either.

Charli - I have been back to the same hospita, twice now for maternity and also just had my stitch there ( but wasnt in maternity for the stich!l). I made sure I went back after Amelia but before Sophie, because I didnt want to be scared of a place. I just get treated so well by all the staff, one of the perks of multiple losses I guess. Initially I was scared to go back so I can understand Crumpet how you felt.

Crumpet - It's pretty overwhelming. I think I am trained not to show my emotions in public, that people don't realise the struggles. Sweetie - it's not embarrassing to cry or "lose it". It's just part of a grief journey. Who cares what anyone else thinks? They haven't walked in your shoes, so blah to them.

Just reminded me of some kindness that a stranger offered me. Whilst I was stil in hossy after Sophie I had to have a scan to see how the uterus was doing. I got wheeled over to Women's Xray and my wheelchair was parked next to a sofa. There was a lady sitting, well sprawled on the sofa and she didn't look well,sort of anaemic, but after a while, she looked over at me ( I was sitting with my head bowed tears slipping quietly down my face), and she offered to share the sofa with me and even offered me some more tissues. I was so touched by her kindness.

Weird how strangers can somehow and unexpectedly find a way into that lonely old world of ours at times huh? I hope that the counsellor helps.

All good here, Just have felt like I don't have much to offer at the moment, and haven't even been lurking. I'll bounce back soon enough no doubt.

Thinking of you... for those in the TWW good luck, I hope this is your time. Crafty- hmm increased smell sensitivity? Food and drink tasting different? Hmm girl I have everyting crossed for you.

[crumpet]

Hello!

Crumpet - glad your appointment went well, don't feel bad about being emotional, I'm sure it's normal.
I didn't realise you had a privacy breach as well, that sucks! I hope they sort it out.


I think I'll be at a different hospital next time - assuming things go to plan. I was sent from my original hospy to the high risk hospital when things went wrong last time around. I will be very happy not to go near the place again!! Even though they were all very good to us.

yeah she didnt think i was loopy so that was good!!!

yeah long story short-ish.....
my step dad and i dont get on so Dh and I have had no contact with is side of the family for 5 or so years, and stepdads SIL works at the hospy i was admitted too....
anyway a week after i got home stepdads SIL rocks up on my door step!!!!
after talking to my mum we figure out there is no way she would have known my surname,address or that id given birth to a boy....
she would have known i was in hospital and being local im assuming she put 2 and 2 together and figured out id be where i was....
so we are pretty sure she has searched my records at the hoapital ans found out me adress and all about what happened with Gus.....

have actually just had a call from the hospital and have given them all the details and they are going to look into thingas.... we dont want this person to loose their job or knowing that we have made the complaint but we want the hopsital to know it does happen and that its not on..... so ill get a call to tell me what they are doing about it all..

other than the above issue we were rapt with the care we got

[TeniBear]

I was doing okay so far this morning (I've been up all night again) until I got bored and googled my name and came across a British news article I commented on when I was 11 weeks pg - about a couple who had a stillborn boy. This is the comment I made:

I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant at the moment, absolutely bawling my eyes out and holding my tummy hoping my "Smudge" turns out okay. My mum has had three miscarriages - one very early-term, and two mid-term (one on Xmas eve, too). The last two were in 2005 and 2006, and everybody still feels unable to talk about it with her. Even she feels uncomfortable with it at times. But not me. I try to talk to her as much as possible about the babies we all lost, trying to make her understand that it's okay, I'm here for her, etc... I'm even considering naming my own baby with the name she'd chosen for the last one. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jacqui, and I wish you, Joel, Zac, and Bliss (lovely name, by the way) all the best for your future.

...I'm kinda bawling my eyes out again now.

Oh, and I am going to the cemetery today to do the balloon release. Not sure if it'll be just me and Scott (he miraculously got his shift switched and so he's working this morning) or there will be a few more people, but it is happening! We'll have to be careful not to interfere with another funeral though - Ianto's getting another little "neighbour" two plots down, and his burial's at 2:30.

[blessedatlast]

Hi Everyone.. Have just skimmed posts. I am not really posting in here anymore, too much of my own rubbish going on.. Lots and lots of drama with my seperation..

TeniBear - Thinking of you today, I am glad your DH's shift got switched and you can do the balloon release together. In my experience balloon releases are really peaceful and theraputic (Maybe not the right word, but couldn't think how else to describe it) Lots and lots of and today..

Thinking of you all...

[crumpet]

I was doing okay so far this morning (I've been up all night again) until I got bored and googled my name and came across a British news article I commented on when I was 11 weeks pg - about a couple who had a stillborn boy. This is the comment I made:



...I'm kinda bawling my eyes out again now.

Oh, and I am going to the cemetery today to do the balloon release. Not sure if it'll be just me and Scott (he miraculously got his shift switched and so he's working this morning) or there will be a few more people, but it is happening! We'll have to be careful not to interfere with another funeral though - Ianto's getting another little "neighbour" two plots down, and his burial's at 2:30.

for u today hun.....
i cant even begin to imagine what your going through today, but im so so happy that scott has managed to have the afternoon with you.....
i think its a beautiful idea to let a ballon go.....
will be thinking of u all day.....

Hi Everyone.. Have just skimmed posts. I am not really posting in here anymore, too much of my own rubbish going on.. Lots and lots of drama with my seperation..

for you to hun, hope ur doing ok..... it must be a hard time for u.

AFM: well i have a second interview for a reception job today so i get it, i actually want to work a few days a week at the moment!!!

got a call from SIDS AND KIDS yesterday and i start councelling tuesday..... wasnt expecting to be going down this track but i think its best.....

and as of last night i have developed a metalic/acidy kinda of taste in my mouth..... kinda like ive eaten a jar of pickeled onions?? which i havnt LOL had burritots for dinner! anyone had the metalic taste when preg can u describe it to me? please...

[dory]

Teni - thinking of you, Scott and your angel Ianto today. May the balloon you release rise up with your love and sadness but also some of mine. Go gently sweet one.

Blessed - oh sweetie. Thinking of you, I know you are doing it tough right now. Surround yourself with as much support as you can. I know you can get through this, you are a strong and amazing woman, who has so much to give and two angel babies giving you strength and guidance. I will miss you, but sometimes I can actually get its not about me and you need this space. Love to you.

Crumpet - hmm a sneaky bfp perhaps? I have ALWAYS had a funny metallic taste before a bfp. Sometimes it was quite strong other times not so much, but always distinctly metalic. I don't know how else to describe it but I don't get it at any other time. I also got more salvia and headahces the first time ( but not sure if that was from the caffeine withdrawal or something else)....I am hoping its a sneaky bfp for you, then you leave the insanity of tcc behind but enter a whole other world.

Glad you start counselling next week.

Thinking of you Chez, Gigi, and Bermuda Girl ( hope all that sun, sand and beach is doing the trick) and Charli.

AFM - I seem to be feeling more positive today. Last 3 days or so have just been inexplicably sad and weepy. Not scared, not thinking about my babies, just sad. So sad it broke my heart to come on to BB and read and feel all the sadness. I really felt it to my very core and I couldn't take it on. That hasn't happened to me for quite a while.

Go strong my friends.

[crumpet]

Crumpet - hmm a sneaky bfp perhaps? I have ALWAYS had a funny metallic taste before a bfp. Sometimes it was quite strong other times not so much, but always distinctly metalic. I don't know how else to describe it but I don't get it at any other time. I also got more salvia and headahces the first time ( but not sure if that was from the caffeine withdrawal or something else)....I am hoping its a sneaky bfp for you, then you leave the insanity of tcc behind but enter a whole other world.

Glad you start counselling next week.

AFM - I seem to be feeling more positive today. Last 3 days or so have just been inexplicably sad and weepy. Not scared, not thinking about my babies, just sad. So sad it broke my heart to come on to BB and read and feel all the sadness. I really felt it to my very core and I couldn't take it on. That hasn't happened to me for quite a while.

Go strong my friends.

hun did u think it was a bit like a acidic kinda taste??? ive never had a taste like this before!!! im soo confused!!!
i can only hope its a sneaky BFP!! will find out next saturday!!!!

thanks hun, ill be sure to let u all know how it goes!!!

oh hun sorry to hear the last few days have been a struggle for u as ive learnt and i am sure u know, its ok to have sad days, hell i have plenty of them these days!!

do what u gotta do to feel better hun and if that means not posting or coming on here thats ok.....

[angelicdragon]

TeniBear you have been in my thoughts today. Your precious little boy Ianto is with you in spirit hun and knows how much you love and miss him.

Blessed I am so saddened to ehar of your sparation Can the counselling bring you guys back together do you think or will it just make the split be amicable.

Crumpet I have a friend who declares the metallic taste is her first sign of being pg. Hopefully you get a nice surprise

Big hi to everyone.
AFM I am finally onto a new cycle. I was beginning to think I had gone into sudden menopause so it is a good sign to have such a heavy and painful AF. I have ordered some OPKs which shold arrive enxt week and then I can tell if things are back to normal or not.
We never made it down to Annabelle Seems to always be something happening.

big hugs to all coz the group needs them.

Judy

[dory]

Angelic - glad to hear you're on track with your cycle again. Annabelle is always with you, you carry her in your heart. When you need to you will get to her special place, but don't worry about it. Sorry I missed you out, I am having a lot of Dory moments at the moment.

[Lemonade]

Hi there,

There was a delay in the approval of my posting so it seems it got lost in the previous page (it was only approved today) so I thought I would re-post:

Hi All,

I've been in and out of this forum for the past six weeks now - drawing comfort from your friendship and support of eachother.

I hope you don't mind if I join in - I'm feeling despondent today and I really could do with some positive vibes.

Basically it's been six weeks since we went for our 19 week scan only to discover that our baby had died at 17 weeks. I'm sure you can all understand what a torrential rollercoaster this has been.

As you can see from my story (which I wrote a week or so after this happened) - I was impatient right from the time this happened to try again.

To be honest, I thought I would be pregnant by now (I was all for ttc immediately even though I knew physically it was better for me to wait) but I didn't reckon on things being so up and down (both physically and emotionally).

I started tracking my bbt straight away and worked out I o'd two weeks ago. But then about 9 days later I started getting some pain and spotting. I went for a scan yesterday and everything looks OK and my hcg is going down slowly (it's around 40-ish). It was all a little confusing - I wish I could have a way to see what is happening inside my body!!

My ob is keeping an eye on me and I've got our follow-up appointment next Wed where we'll get the post-mortem results etc - although I'm not expecting too much from that!

I am now waiting for af and I guess I am just so frustrated and impatient. I have always been such a positive person but this has really taken a kick to my self-confidence and I find myself doubting myself.

Pregnant women and babies seem to have multiplied by a million since this happened and it definitely does not make it easier that my sister, sister-in-law and one of my best friends are pregnant too (the latter two are due on the same day I was - I know, I know - really hard!!!).

I guess this is all a waiting game and patience has never been my strong point. On the positive side (see, I'm trying) it's not a bad life lesson to have to wait for something you really want. And also, at least when we ttc again, my body will be more healthy and ready.

Hope you all have a good day
Lemonade

UPDATE - so since I posted my AF has arrived -I felt sooo much better getting AF. I was really really down the day before - so teary and emotional and felt so much stronger when I realised my body seemed to be going back to normal.

My BBT is also down this morning. The only confusing part of the puzzle is that my HCG levels are being stubborn. The test this morning was still 55 (and hadn't moved since a few days ago)

I spoke to the obs and she wasn't at all concerned. I am seeing her on Wednesday for our post-mc consultaion.

Have a great looong weekend - I definitely need it!